Rev. David Rives — Old Earth Is Wrong!

Just when we thought we could relax for the day, we were suddenly aroused by the blaring sirens and flashing lights of our Retard-o-tron™, and the blinking letters of the wall display that said WorldNetDaily (WND). We found our computer locked onto WND’s presentation of the latest video by the brilliant and articulate leader of David Rives Ministries.

WND’s headline is Why is ‘young Earth’ so important? Admit it, dear reader — that’s the very question that keeps you awake at night. Well, at last you will have the answer. The rev knows, and in this video he will explain it to you.

The video’s title is Why Young Earth? No, the rev won’t bore you with the evidence for a young Earth. Instead he patiently explains why a young Earth is so important. When you understand that, you will no longer let yourself be misled by those godless scientists.

The video a little more than a minute and a half long, during which the rev tells you that believing in an old earth gives rise to godless views — like billions of years. Yuk! Not only that, did you realize that an old Earth doesn’t explain why we have a seven-day week? Bet ya never thought about that, did you?

So click over to WND and take a look. You’ll find it a life-changing experience.

As we usually do with the rev’s videos, we dedicate the comments section for your use as an Intellectual Free Fire Zone. You know the rules. Go to it.

Copyright © 2013. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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23 responses to “Rev. David Rives — Old Earth Is Wrong!

  1. I was going to say he is an idiot. But I have to change that to very bright fellow. Why? Well not because he knows any science, but because he seems to be able to think this stuff up!!!! I can’t do it!!!! I sometimes try to do irony and think up really silly stuff to post, but I can’t think of anything at this guy’s level! I have to bow my head to his really superior ability to think up such really truly STUPID BS as this. I wish I had his talent so I could become some dimwitted preacher and makes huge sums of money from the sheeple, and live in real luxury and not be stuck in a small 2 story 5000 sqft house with just a 20’x4′ hot tub that I have to share with kids & G’Kids!

  2. The Young Earth Creationism article on Wikipedia lists 42 unique estimates for the young Earth (Unique as in “different.”) If these are based on the inerrant word of God, what is the source of these measurment errors? Some of these “estimates” are over 1000 years different. If the Earth is young, exactly how young is it? Uranium-argon radioisotope dating should be able to tell, don’t you think? Oh, there is something wrong with that. How about C-14 dating? That has several checks built into it (Bristlecone pines and the like)? No, you don’t like that either?

    Well, when you get your act together, creationists, do let us know what the age of the earth really is and “young” won’t do.

  3. Is it possible that he truly is that dumb? I mean, really? Is he aware light has a speed?

  4. docbill1351

    “These theories have no place in a Biblical Christianity.”

    That’s his position. That’s it in one sentence. I would go farther and strip him of everything technological. Those godless objects have no place, either.

    No question that Rives is totally uneducated. He doesn’t have to know anything. He just has to deny, deny, deny and he’ll live a life of Comfort with a larder full of Ham.

  5. docbill1351

    It’s easy. Here, I’m Rives railing on about Hollywood.

    “You don’t need cartoons and music to be entertained when the Glory of God’s world is all around you. In Isaiah 2:14 the Lord said, “Are you not entertained?” And so it was.

  6. I’ve spoken with friends and family from a Seventh Day Adventist community I grew up in. The Bible Academy was 6th-12th grade,10 hour days. The full state curriculum was met,extra time was for Bible study. Bible camp once a year for 2 weeks,occasionally twice,and Sunday school every week. Elementary age kids attended public school,I didn’t know what indoctrination was when I was young,but I believed. None of them listen to Rives,or any of the other characters we discuss here for very long. When I ask why,its simply that they don’t seem trustworthy. I talk at length with them about being an atheist,some are confused,curious,and even ask to pray for me. They are always honest. They know that Rives and company are not,regardless of their message.

  7. retiredsciguy

    Curmy, you’re giving the guy too much credit when you refer to him as “rev”. I shall repeat — if he’s a reverend, I’m the pope.

  8. retiredsciguy says:

    Curmy, you’re giving the guy too much credit when you refer to him as “rev”.

    But, but … his website is David Rives Ministries. Surely a poseur wouldn’t register such a name!

  9. Ceteris Paribus

    Rives is talking about billions of years? Wait till Ken Ham hears about that – he has been making fun of scientists who only go out on an evolutionary limb as far as millions of years.

    Ham should take Rive’s lead and revise his Ark Park budget to billions of dollars instead of the few paltry millions he has on the table now.

  10. Rives must be really wrong because even Pat disagrees with him!

  11. I am returned from a few weeks holidaying in Scotland, where I found statues celebrating such luminaries as Adam Smith and David Hume but none–unaccountably– to Rev. Rives, Lawyer Luskin, Con-man Ham, etc.

    Thank you, Scotland, for your role in the Enlightenment!

    And for this current Intellectual Free-Fire Zone, an item from the BBC: Selfish traits not favoured by evolution, study shows

  12. Perhaps the Rev is confused because in English the days of the week are named after Norse gods confusing him about the origin of the 7 day week. In Romance languages the (pagan) origin of the week becomes clear, the first two days are named after the luminaries and the other 5 after the then known planets (and terra firma not included of course).
    Perhaps “rev” refers to revving the engine of stupidity?

  13. Troy says: “Perhaps the Rev is confused because in English the days of the week are named after Norse gods confusing him about the origin of the 7 day week.”

    He also seem unaware that the length of a week is quite arbitrary. Other cultures had weeks different than 7 days. For example, China, Japan, and Korea had a 10-day week.

  14. Megalonyx says: “I am returned from a few weeks holidaying in Scotland”

    Welcome back. In honor of your return, and in the spirit of the Free Fire Zone, we offer you a link to this informative news story: Man with 132 lb. scrotum.

  15. Our Curmudgeon welcomes me back with

    a link to this informative news story: Man with 132 lb. scrotum.

    I thank you sincerely, but the story is old news on this side of the pond: it was already broadcast over here (though with the weight converted to British format) on C4’s ‘Bodyshock’ series: see The Man with the 10-Stone Testicles

    IOW: I’m afraid that, when it comes to cojones grandes, I’m way, way ahead of you–as Olivia can very happily attest…

  16. Megalonyx says: “I’m way, way ahead of you–as Olivia can very happily attest…”

    Considering your size, here’s some news that may help you to accomplish your goals: Why guppies have genital claws.

  17. Stephen Kennedy

    The reason that so many cultures have a seven day week has nothing to do with the bible. If you go out at night and follow the phases of the Moon this month you will notice the following. It is about seven days from new moon to first quarter, about seven more to full moon, about another seven to last quarter and finally seven more to the next new moon and the cycle begins again. These were changes in the night sky that were clearly visible to all cultures and could be used to denote a fairly convenient period of cyclical times.

  18. Pope RSG said:

    if he’s a reverend, I’m the pope.

    But you ARE The Pope!
    – signed Cardinal Gary (with concurrence from Cardinal TA)

  19. Just adding my own puff of white smoke to those of Cardinal Gary and Cardinal Tomato Addict:

    Habemus Papam, et nomine eius Guido Scientia Emeritus est!

  20. GAAAH! I screwed up the URL on the Cardinal TA link. Here’s the correct one.

  21. Megalonyx said:

    Habemus Papam, et nomine eius Guido Scientia Emeritus est!


  22. retiredsciguy

    Well, then, Since Megs added the puff of white smoke, I have no choice but to humbly accept your nomination and assume the mantle of the position you have bestowed upon me, even if it means the concurrent elevation of David Rives to full revhood.

    My first act as pope will need to be the announcement of my papal name. Henceforth, it shall be Pope Scientius. However, I prefer the less formal Retired Sci Guy, or just RSG.

    My second act, in keeping with the long tradition of popes messing with the calendar, will be to simplify it. So here’s the new calendar:

    Each month shall have 28 days, divided into four weeks of seven days each. This will necessitate the founding of a new month, which will give us 364 days. Each year will start on a Sunday, and since each month has exactly 28 days, each month will also start on a Sunday. Thus, every year’s dates will be the same as every other year’s — the 5th of each month will always be Thursday, the 15th will always fall on a Sunday, etc.

    But you say it takes 365.24 days for the earth to go around the sun, so won’t the seasons get out of whack?

    Simple — we add an extra day to the calendar, but it will not be counted as a day of the week. At the end of the year, the day following the last day of December (which is now Saturday, December 28, remember) will be called Extraday, and will be celebrated worldwide as a holiday. Leap years will have a second extra day, called Leapday, and it will follow June 28. Like Extraday, it will also be celebrated as a worldwide holiday. And as now, to keep things straight, Leapday will be skipped on the century years except on those years divisible by 400.

    Of course, calendar publishers won’t like this idea, because this will put them out of business. All you will need to write down all your appointments, birthdays, etc. will be one permanent calendar printed on a dry erase board.

    I further decree that the new month shall be named “Scientius”. (At least, until someone ponies up the money to buy the naming rights. I’m all for free enterprise.)

  23. When I’m wrong I admit it. I was going to complain that you are the only one who bothers with this clown, when you could be focusing on anti-evolution activists whose sound bites are taken seriously by those who aren’t in irreversible denial of evolution and addiction to fundamentalism. But this guy could be the perfect “useful idiot.” Just get him to debate OECs and IDers. The former might comply, but “don’t ask, don’t ID” peddlers, including their own token “YECs” like Paul Nelson, don’t want to advertise that they think that YEC is nonsense. Then, when they pretend that Richard Dawkins and others “fear” debating “creationists” all you need to do is show who actually does.