Rev. David Rives — Buy His Book!

The Retard-o-tron™ was merciless this morning. Its lights were flashing wildly and the sirens were really blaring. The thing had seized control of our computer and locked it onto the website of WorldNetDaily (WND). We had to calm down the Retard-o-tron™ before the neighbors started complaining, so there was no choice but to see what it had found.

Thus we beheld the latest video by the brilliant and articulate leader of David Rives Ministries. WND’s headline is Created with purpose, or conceived from chaos? The title gives us two alternatives. We prefer chaos this morning, but that can change at any moment.

The video is two minutes long. It’s titled Wonders Without Number, and it’s not at all what we expected. Oh sure, the rev starts out telling us that we are not highly developed animals — rather, we were fearfully and wonderfully made. But then the message suddenly changes.

In mid-video the rev makes a special announcement — he has written a new book! It has the same title as today’s video. We looked for it at Amazon, but it’s not listed there. We’re not surprised. The rev’s thoughts are too pure for his book to be marketed as if it were like any other product.

Now that you know what this is all about, go ahead — click over to WND and take a look. After that, as we always do with the rev’s videos, we dedicate the comments section for your use as an Intellectual Free Fire Zone. You know the rules. Go to it.

Copyright © 2013. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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13 responses to “Rev. David Rives — Buy His Book!

  1. Yup, knows a good argument from design (and a snazzy graphic) when he sees one, does our David.

    Lots of things seem like wonders to the innumerate. For instance, without Numbers, the Pentateuch would be known by the far more mystical-sounding “Tesserateuch,” and several aspects of the Chosen People’s fate would remain unexplained.

  2. Ceteris Paribus

    After watching about 417.5 of the Rev’s videos, it finally dawned on me that his signature goofy stare into the tele-prompter is probably the result of the background image of his prompter screen being a nekked photo of Miley Cyrus.

  3. I might have blanked out, but I don’t recall him saying how I can get his book. Anyway, I think I’d rather have the book that appeared as an ad behind the video, Tortured for Christ. Not sure if it’s a mystery novel or a how-to guide.

  4. Alex Shuffell You can buy the book there. $14.95 is a bargain when you think about the hours of research done into finding pretty photos and diagrams and figuring out what some of the letters of the alphabet look like and how to use those letters with numbers.

    He also does music. Has anyone found anything on Youtube?

  5. Pete Moulton

    Thanks, Alex! Just…thanks! Being natively inquisitive, it was only natural that I’d follow your lead, and go look for the good rev at youtube. I found a music video of sorts, but wouldn’t recommend that anyone from here go look for it, for it truly sucks.

    When I want to listen to a minister sing and play, I’ll stick with Gary Davis, thankyewverymuch.

  6. Whoa! I have never before looked at Rev, Rives website–and now I’m wishing I hadn’t.

    But misery loves company, so why should I suffer alone? Click on over to the Boy David’s About Us, where you can read for yourself such gems as the following:

    In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth…

    The Alpha and Omega left a pattern of His fingerprints across each corner of the universe, found even in the tiniest crevices of our planet. A pattern that David Rives has devoted his life to finding and sharing… often defying the conventions of modern science.

    In a culture of those who make sweeping statements, point fingers, or avoid controversy altogether, David has made bold assertions and fortified them through empirical research from the Earth to the furthest corners of heaven.

    With a unique combination of creation, Biblical astronomy and archaeology, David has built a solid case for our Creator and Savior, Jesus Christ–and the world is taking notice.

  7. Stephen Kennedy

    I went to his site and was very envious of his telescope. That model costs over $20,000! It is a shame that such a nice telescope is in the hands of an idiot rather than being used for legitimate scientific purposes.

  8. Ceteris Paribus

    SK No need to be envious. Rives’ home address apparently is an abandoned gas station/creation museum, just off a lonely exit on a stretch of Tennessee interstate. I don’t recall the details, but somebody here may point you at it.

  9. @ Stephen Kennedy: Most men–if they are honest about it–have suffered ‘telescope envy’ at some time or other in their lives.

    My spam filter is routinely clogged up with unsolicited e-mails stuffed with no end of dubious claims, e.g. “Want to make her squeal in the observatory?” or “She won’t be able to keep her hands off your telescoping tube!” or even “Take your magnification to dizzying heights of ecstasy!” I routinely delete the lot.

    And in Rev. Rives case–given the Creationists’ track-record on honesty and full-disclosure–can we really be certain this is his own telescope? Or could it be another ‘green-screen’ prop, like the Discovery Institute’s ‘laboratory’?

  10. And of course, science behooves us here to dispassionately evaluate other hypotheses, to wit:

    Truly, the size of Rives’ telescope proclaims his neurotic need to–…er,…‘compensate’

  11. A telescope that big is not going to get used all that much unless he has a dedicated building for it. Do you really want to haul something that big around at 4 a.m.? I’ve read at his site that he drags it around for shows, that’s actually a worthy use for it
    Rives could write a better book (write what you know). How about a book on how to sing, b.s., and preach your way to millions. All you need is a Tennessee shack, a green screen, and a non-threatening face.

  12. Stephen Kennedy

    Who has telescope envy? His may have more aperature but my telescope is longer than his.

  13. It isn’t the size of the telescope that counts – it’s the accuracy of it’s positioning.