The Night Before Christmas Eve

Due to the holiday lull in news of The Controversy between evolution and creationism, we offer you some Curmudgeonly poetry, as a prelude to an Intellectual Free Fire Zone:

‘Twas the night before Christmas Eve, and all through the galaxy,
Not a website was stirring, not even a fallacy.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that something blog-worthy soon would be there.

The Dobies were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of doggie bones danced in their heads;
Then from the Drool-o-tron™ there arose such a clatter,
I dashed to the control room to see what was the matter.

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature Ark, and eight tiny crocoducks — how queer,
With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it was someone quite sick.

And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
“Now Hambo, now Piltdown, now Casey and Designer!
On Klingo, on Westie, on Chappie and Quote-miner,
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!”

So up to the house-top the crocoducks they flew,
With an Arkload of lunacy and their driver too.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof,
The prancing and pawing of each little spoof.

As I got to the control room and was looking around,
Down the chimney he came with a bound.
He was dressed all in monkey fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;
A bundle of coprolites he had flung on his back,
And he looked like an idiot opening his pack.

He was chubby and plump, a creepy old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know he was crazed in the head;
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings, with a creationist smirk,

Then laying his finger aside of his nose,
He blew it out on the floor, and up the chimney he rose;
He sprang to his Ark, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like an out of control missile,
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
“Darwin lied to you all, and to all a good-night.”

Copyright © 2013. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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18 responses to “The Night Before Christmas Eve

  1. Brilliant!

  2. Thanks, Curmy, for another year of wit and thought provoking commentary.

  3. You made my day

  4. Have a great holiday – you’ve earned it!

  5. You could call it “Nightmare Before Christmas”, but that’s already been used.

    “Then laying his finger aside of his nose” made me blow it out — all over the floor, the keyboard, the screen, and halfway up the Christmas tree.

    Happy Holidays to all! Ed’s right, Curmy — you’ve earned it. Six years now? Wow. How do you do it?

  6. LOL. The coprolites were a nice touch.

  7. linnetmoss says: “The coprolites were a nice touch.”

    They’re very festive, and always in good taste.

  8. Nice, but you did not identify the Ark driver. I see that the designer, Blessed Be He, is among the crocoducks. Are you, for some reason trying to avoid saying that the driver is the Isaac Newton of Information Theory?

  9. Applause!

    And many thanks, Curmy, for your splendid labours on an outstanding blog! Pip pip!

    Olivia thinks its pretty good, too.

  10. Thanks, guys. I’ve been searching, but there’s nothing out there to blog about. All the usual suspects are very disappointing today.

  11. Over at the Swamp they’re doing a TOP TEN EVOLUTION STORIES of 2013 – yea! – and they’re starting off with a

    PEER-REVIEWED, get that?, peer-fricking-reviewed pro-ID article.

    Number 10 and it’s an ID article AND it’s PEER-REVIEWED.

    Oh, my, what could it be?

    Ah, it’s an article in the Disco Tutes very own sham on-line blog, BIO-Complexity! Wonderful! Well, at least we know it’s PEER-REVIEWED because the Editorial Board is made up entirely of CREATIONISTS.

    Furthermore, the article represents a full 25% of BIO-Complexity’s ENTIRE OUTPUT FOR 2013!

    And just think, this is only Number 10. What joys await us in the coming days? Anybody want to guess what might be Number 1? *cough*Meyer’sStupidBook*cough*

  12. docbill1351 says: “And just think, this is only Number 10. What joys await us in the coming days?”

    This is a list of their top ten stories. All they do is tell stories, so who cares? I suspect the list is to impress their patrons. It won’t impress anyone else.

  13. Holding the line in FL

    A big hoooaah to you for keeping me informed and laughing for many years now. Happy holidays to you and yours.

  14. there’s nothing out there to blog about

    How about the year’s top ten items about evolution. Not counting failures of creationism, rather keeping it positive, by way of example.

  15. SC; found your blog when you were covering the Coppedge case and I’ve been a daily reader since.

  16. THE FOLLY of the D.I.–
    Their lunacy’s full grown–
    Of all the fools that are in the world
    The D.I. bears the crown!

    O the lying of Casey,
    And the moaning of the Kling
    The braying of the stupid Egnor
    Quote-mining by the mile!

  17. As usual I have to be the one to spoil the party. There are still a few hours until Santa comes down a few billion chimneys. Are you that confident that you won’t find under your tree a copy of Ray Martinez’ long-awaited book that will once and for all falsify “Darwinism?” 😉

  18. Excellent!