For years, your Curmudgeon has been assisted in his efforts by our Retard-o-tron™. With its blaring sirens and flashing lights, augmented by its blinking wall displays, it alerts us to the presence of particularly crazed creationist articles. It even conveniently locks our computer onto such things, so we can’t do anything until we examine what it has found.
Through the years, we’ve developed other technological aids, for example, the Curmudgeon’s Slime-O-Meter, the Curmudgeon’s Design Detector, and the CurmudgeonBra™, described here. But none has served us as faithfully as the Retard-o-tron™.
Alas, we have been informed that the name of our most useful device is, well, it’s distasteful to many of you. We are aghast!
Your Curmudgeon is, as you know, a non-judgmental, sensitive, compassionate, caring-sharing evolutionist, with ooey-gooey feelings and a touchy-feely attitude. We embrace diversity and practice togetherness. We care for the planet. We feel your pain. We are At One with all things. Our fondest hope is that we’ll all get along and everything will be nicey-nicey and fuzzy-wuzzy. That is our Curmudgeonly statement of principle, to which we courageously adhere — except when it might give offense.
Therefore, it grieves us to learn that our Retard-o-tron™ — by its very name — has been giving unintended offense. We are determined to remedy the situation. But we’re having difficulty deciding upon a new name. We thought of calling it “The Device With No Name,” or maybe even the “Niceness Meter.” Then other suggestions started to pour in.
Con-Tester suggested Casuist-o-meter, and Sophistron, and Chicane-o-tector. DickVanstone suggested Chicanery Gauge. Diogenes suggested Creeper Sweeper. Jay suggested the award of honorary degrees — but he’s relatively new around here and unaware that we’ve already been doing that. See Earn a Degree in Creationism Today!, and also Casey Luskin Is Named a Curmudgeon Fellow.
This is difficult for us. A Curmudgeon tends to get set in his ways, and the Retard-o-tron™ has been an indispensable aid to our mission. We have been satisfied not only by its function, but by its very appearance when mentioned in our humble blog, with its distinctive typeface and subtle lavender hue. Nevertheless, we recognize that we must change with the times — at least a little bit.
Therefore, dear reader, be assured that the device will be renamed. We don’t yet know what it will be called, and for that reason we welcome your suggestions.
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