Creationist Wisdom #402: The Preacher Again

Today’s letter-to-the-editor appears in the Rockdale Citizen of Rockdale County, Georgia, and it’s titled Read Genesis carefully before dismissing the creation story.

We don’t like to embarrass people (unless they’re politicians, preachers, or other public figures), so we usually omit the writer’s full name and city. But today’s letter is quite an exception. This is the third time we’ve featured a letter from John Pearrell, pastor of Gateway Community Church in Covington, Georgia. The church’s website says they’re affiliated with the Southern Baptist Convention. The first of the rev’s letters was here: Creationist Wisdom #322: The Preacher, and the second was #350: The Preacher Returns.

We’ll give you a few excerpts from the rev’s latest letter, enhanced with our Curmudgeonly commentary, and some bold font for emphasis. Okay, here we go:

He begins by mentioning the Nye-Ham debate, and the fact that many of us though Nye shouldn’t do it because such debates always give creationism a platform and the false appearance of having something worth saying about science. Regarding that, the Rev says:

Personally, I don’t think it’s the fear of legitimacy they are worried about, I think it’s the fear of the reality of evolutionary scientific theory being revealed for what it really is — a theory and not a hard science.

BWAHAHAHAHAHA! We love this guy! Then he tells us:

Many Christians today think that the first three chapters are religious myth that contain a core of truth but should not be understood literally. They hold that these words written by Moses were ancient men trying to explain the visible universe before science came to the rescue. You may believe that, but I don’t.

The rev explains why he doesn’t believe Genesis is myth:

Here’s something you probably didn’t know — Moses is the editor of the entire Genesis account, not the author. Moses did research and compiled ancient writings that existed in his day to give us this first book of the Bible. Bet you didn’t know that.

The rev is correct, we didn’t know that. Let’s read on:

What we read about the creation account comes from the pen of Adam. The guy who was there when it all took place is the guy who wrote about it. Moses copied it and put it into the form we have it today. Everything from Genesis 1:1 to 5:1 we learn is the written account of Adam.

Wow! That’s amazing! The rev continues:

Genesis 5:2-6:9, the story of the flood, that’s the written account of Noah, the guy who experienced it. Genesis 6:9b-11:10a is the written account of Noah’s son Shem, from flood to the Tower of Babel, where mankind was dispersed throughout the earth by the confusion of languages.

Is your Curmudgeon alone in thinking that we’ve entered the Twilight Zone? Here’s more:

These writings [and a couple more we skipped] would have been in the library of Egypt where Moses, while the prince of Egypt used them as his sources for compiling our book of Genesis. Moses was an early historian utilizing the resources he had at his disposal; he was not a storyteller making up the Genesis account.

Oh. Those first-hand accounts were in the library. What library? Is the rev thinking about the library of Alexandria? That city was founded by Alexander, and the library was founded by a Greek dynasty a few generations later, just a wee bit after the time of Moses. Ah well, moving along:

Now, you may not agree with what I have written, and that’s OK. But this is fascinating stuff; you ought to at least check it out before you just dismiss it. Better yet, read the Genesis account and then go online and see some of the scientific evidence that exists for Creation. You can find that at sites such as Answers In Genesis and Creation Research Institute.

BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Yeah, read about the evidence at ol’ Hambo’s website. And now we come to the end:

In this area of origins and of the Bible in general, the subject is too important just to dismiss because some teacher or some professor or some guy in a white lab coat told you you can’t believe it. Perhaps you believe that none of these people, not the educator, and certainly not the scientist, would ever lie to you. If you believe that, please contact me: I have a bridge in Brooklyn I’m willing to let go of at a reasonable price.

Keep the bridge, rev. It belongs with your collection of Genesis manuscripts by Adam and Noah. You don’t want to break up the set. And thanks for the letter!

Copyright © 2014. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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20 responses to “Creationist Wisdom #402: The Preacher Again

  1. What we read about the creation account comes from the pen of Adam. The guy who was there when it all took place is the guy who wrote about it. Moses copied it and put it into the form we have it today. Everything from Genesis 1:1 to 5:1 we learn is the written account of Adam.

    This is an incredible relevation. Is that a ball-point or felt tip pen that Adam used? Or did Adam compose his stories in cuneiform? Or maybe hieroglyphs? Or Sanskrit? Maybe Adam also learned how to write in P.S. 48?

    Moses was an early historian utilizing the resources he had at his disposal; he was not a storyteller making up the Genesis account.

    I beg to differ with that notion. For one, Moses never had a library card.

  2. The Preacher refers us to AiG and CRI to learn more about the universe. I believe we would get a better understanding at, say, Wikipedia under Geology, Plate Tectonics, Paleontology, the Geologic Time Scale, and branch off where each of these main sites lead you.

  3. Ceteris Paribus

    I checked out the Rev’s credentials using the link to the newspaper article.
    No doubt about it, the photo shows Rev Perrell is the genuine article. Only a True Believer™ registered creationist preacher is allowed [or required?] to display both a toupe that egregiously bad, and a grin that perniciously creepy, in public.

    (My apologies for letting the ad hominem escape my keyboard, but it is well past my bedtime)

  4. rsg, you recommended a dvd series on earth history a month or so ago. Can’t seem to find it by searching, maybe I could hassle you to reiterate?

  5. Charles Deetz ;)

    So luckily Noah was handed Adam’s account of creation and a bunch of other historical documents to carry thru the flood. I’m sure convincing the priests to give it up to him was a piece of cake. And you’d think a major deal like that would be documented by Noah, and not have to wait 4,000 years later for the good Rev Perrell to explain it to us without any way to back himself up. At least scientists do experiments before they lie to us, the Reverend just makes things up and lies outright.

  6. The word “Preacher” is Klingon for “clueless twit”. I looked it up. Really.

  7. @Troy: Sure — happy to. It’s David Attenborough’s 13-episode Life on Earth series. I found episodes one and two on YouTube; number one is introductory, and two is called “Building Bodies”, about the earliest fossils with hard body parts (Cambrian). Here it is:

    The whole series is excellent, even if dated (1979, I think). There are more episodes on YouTube, but this will get you going.

    The Life on Earth series is basically a 13-hour exposition of the evidence of evolution. Well worth your time. Your local library may well have the entire series on DVD if you can’t find all on YouTube. Or if they don’t have it, they may get it for you.

  8. I’ve noticed xian apologists always take way too much stock in their bible. All of genesis is just a compilation of verbal tradition that bounced around in the region for a few centuries beforehand (that recent clay tablet that pre-dates the bible detailing a similar myth, the parent of the genesis flood). Do they not ever wonder why the other Abrahamic religions have so many similar stories and myths?

  9. @Charles Deetz — Luckily, Adam’s account was carved in stone, and was discovered by Moses while he was dong his research in the Egyptian library. Some nomads found it along the banks of the Tigris River and thought the pharaohs might be interested, but they just stashed it away in a storeroom where it lay forgotten for hundreds of years until Moses came across it. He immediately recognized its importance because it was signed merely “Adam” — no last name, no date, nothing.

  10. Rev. Pearrell’s astounding revelations here have spurred me to conduct my own cutting-edge research, which I can now gleefully publish! To wit:

    [1] Adam’s authorship of Genesis predates any and all international copyright arrangements, which do not have retroactive application, so Genesis is not in the public domain but remains part of his estate.

    [2] As a direct descendant of Adam–and thus one of his heirs and assigns–I hereby serve notice that I wish to collect the accrued 6,000 years worth of unpaid royalties on my ancestor’s published works.

    [3] I am further undertaking legal proceedings against Ham’s Creation Museum for its animatronic display of Adam and Eve without license or other agreement by the estate of Adam for such merchandising use.

  11. As an amateur Bible scholar, I have to say… this is the stupidest defence of Creationism I have ever read. And that’s not an honour I confer lightly.

  12. @Sean…way too much stock in their bible. All of genesis is just a compilation of verbal tradition…
    What this letter is not something to be found in the Bible. That Moses wrote Genesis is an old tradition. And the stuff about Adam is also an old (but not so venerable) tradition.

  13. Retired Prof

    The original creation account “was signed merely ‘Adam’ — no last name, no date, nothing.”

    That’s because Adam (as Roseanne Barr would later do) dropped his last name. Originally he was called Adam Fakenavel.

  14. Retired Prof provides some essential Biblical exegesis:

    Adam (as Roseanne Barr would later do) dropped his last name. Originally he was called Adam Fakenavel.

    Of the Long Island Fakenavels, or the Connecticut Fakenavels?

  15. Ceteris Paribus

    Megalonyx inquires re Adam Fakenavel:

    Of the Long Island Fakenavels, or the Connecticut Fakenavels?

    Actually Fakenavel family tree is the subject of some dispute among followers of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (aka “The Mormons”), who hold that the true location of The Garden of Eden was actually in the current US state of Missouri.

    Some hold the view that Adam Fakenavel resided in the Eden of Daviess County, while others testify that Eden was in Jackson County, Missouri.

    It is unfortunate that no one was there to observe which Adam Fakenavel was the actual father of the clan. Especially considering that the lack of objective evidence leads to invidious speculation that Cain and/or Abel may turn out to have been the product of merely a friend of the family.

    http://eom.byu.edu/index.php/Garden_of_Eden

  16. @ Ceteris Paribus: Makes sense. Whether is was from Daviess or Jackson County, it certainly fits that Adam Fakenavel hailed from The Show Me State.

  17. But, New Jersey is the Garden (of Eden) State.

  18. There is surgery called stomach wall correction. Apparently patients can choose to get their navel replaced or not.
    Following the “Vera Causa” methodology of our IDiotic friends from Seattle the conclusion must be that the Intelligent Designer (blessed be Him/Her/It) was a surgeon doing some cutting on Adam and Eve.

  19. RSG thanks!

  20. You’re welcome, Troy! Enjoy! If you like the series as much as I do, pass it along.