WND: Prepare To Meet Thy Doom!

Buffoon Award

The Drool-o-tron™ alerted us to this one with its all-too familiar blaring sirens and flashing lights. The blinking letters of the wall display said WorldNetDaily (WND) — thus the jolly buffoon logo above this post.

Our last post on this topic was WorldNetDaily’s Eclipse Madness Continues. Yes, this is even more breaking news about the most important subject in the world. It was WND that revealed what some preacher, Mark Biltz, had “discovered” — the astounding fact that certain Jewish holidays somehow always seem to coincide with dates when there are lunar eclipses. Not only that, but because a rare (but predictable) sequence of four lunar eclipses is coming up this year and next, he’s predicting — what else? — the end of the world!

Although the Hebrew calendar always begins with a full moon, and certain holidays also coincide with the full moon, and lunar eclipses are visible during full moons, the preacher’s discovery has shaken WND to its core. They’ve accused NASA of taking down the eclipse page at their website to keep the public in ignorance, and they say that page was restored only because WND was courageous enough to expose the coverup.

Now WND has more news. Their headline is Evidence mounts for biblical prophecies. Wow — the evidence mounts! Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us:

Pastor Mark Biltz of El Shaddai Ministries, whose coming “Blood Moons” book and documentary describes what he views as a sign in the heavens, will be on the podium for the Prophecy in the News conference in Orlando March 28-30. So will Rabbi Jonathan Cahn, whose prophecy-related book “Harbinger” kicked aside most competition on the New York Times bestsellers list for nearly two years. Dozens of other top Christian speakers also will be there.

Orlando? How very convenient — that’s where Disney World is located. But all joking aside — hee hee! — this is going to be the most important event in your lifetime. Nothing else even comes close. WND then says:

Signup for the conference is available online, and live-streaming will be available for those who can’t attend. [Links omitted, but you can find them in the WND article.] The “Blood Moons” phenomenon is a series of four eclipses that will occur this year on two Jewish holy days and again next year on the same Jewish holy days. The last time the same sequence happened was in 1967 and 1968, when Israel recaptured Jerusalem in the Six-Day War. Before that, it was in the 1940s, when Israel was born.

The significance couldn’t be more clear! Let’s read on:

“Four total lunar eclipses happening the next two years herald possible war in the Middle East as well as global economic collapse,” Biltz told WND. He says historically, this sequence of solar eclipses has been a sign, foretelling important events such as the destruction of the Temple of Jerusalem. “Two happened right in a row at the time of destruction of the temple in 70 A.D. and on feast days,” he said.

There is no doubt — we are approaching the End of Days. Rev Blitz isn’t the only preacher to think so. WND continues:

Pastor John Hagee agrees that something is looming. He was invited by Fox News to discuss the significance of four eclipses that will take place in 2015 on the Jewish Passovers, April 4 and April 15, and the Feasts of Tabernacles, Sept. 28 and Oct. 8. In his new book, “Four Blood Moons: Something is About to Change,” he confirms that significant events relating to the Jewish nation have happened each time the eclipses line up. “This is something that just is beyond coincidental,” Hagee told Fox News.

WND then gives some awesome bible quotes, and tells about other preachers who will be at the news conference. Then they inform us:

The signup for streaming includes 30 days of access post-conference and a discount on a set of DVDs that will follow [the news conference].

Okay, dear reader. What are you waiting for? Sign up for the conference. Buy the books and the DVDs. And then … prepare to meet thy doom!

Thats all folks

Copyright © 2014. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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20 responses to “WND: Prepare To Meet Thy Doom!

  1. I wonder if they’ll have some lawyers there to help me get my affairs in order before the coming apocalypse. For a nominal fee, of course.

  2. >”… to discuss the significance of four eclipses that will take place in 2015 on the Jewish Passovers, April 4 and April 15, and the Feasts of Tabernacles, Sept. 28 and Oct. 8.”

    You’ve got a good racket going here Curmie. Four future blog posts just wrote themselves. 🙂

  3. Tomato Addict admiringly says: “You’ve got a good racket going here Curmie.”

    Yes, it’s a sweet deal.

  4. You fools!

    The world already ended, on 21 December 2012–precisely as the Mayan calendar foretold!

    Y’all just too blind to see it!

  5. There’s a reason why they call it lunacy. Now I wonder what all these nuts are going to say when we get past this series of lunar eclipses and the world hasn’t come to an end. I sure they’ll come up with some lame excuse. I guess there’s also a reason why genius has it’s limits, but stupid goes on forever. Just a few thoughts from LA LA Land.

  6. Biokid says: “Now I wonder what all these nuts are going to say when we get past this series of lunar eclipses and the world hasn’t come to an end.”

    It’s conceivable that there could be some military action against Israel that starts during one of those eclipses. It makes sense to attack while the opposing force might be distracted and off-guard during a holiday. Washington crossed the Delaware and attacked Trenton the morning after Christmas, when the Hessians were sleeping off their celebration the night before. So if there’s any kind of attack on Israel that coincides with one of those full moon holidays, the preachers can claim they were correct.

  7. Charles Deetz ;)

    Subtitle to the article says it all for the critical thinker: ‘It’s hard not to look at all the pieces and jump to a conclusion’.

  8. Derek Freyberg

    I wonder when exactly in the 1940s it was that the Blood Moons occurred: was it 1947-48, when Israel was indeed established; or 1940-41, when some completely different things were happening? WND does not offer that information.

  9. anevilmeme

    So what’s the next step past stark, raving, bat crap insane?

    I fear WND will lead us there.

  10. Rabbi Stephen Skeptical

    >> Although the Hebrew calendar always begins with a full moon…>>>
    Not sure what you mean. The Jewish new year (Rosh Hashanah) begins on a new moon not a full moon. Indeed, each new moon is the start of each new month.

  11. Rabbi Stephen Skeptical says: “Not sure what you mean.”

    That’s what I read. Maybe I read it wrong. Anyway, it’s a lunar calendar, and the holidays the rev says coincide with eclipses seem to fall on full moon dates.

  12. The Whole truth

    I can’t help but think of the multi-billion year age of our solar system and how many lunar eclipses there have certainly been, including four during single orbits of the Earth around the Sun (what we humans label as a year) since the Earth and Moon formed. During the VAST majority of the history of the Earth, the Moon, and all of those lunar eclipses there were no people, no jews, no christians, no religions of any kind, no wars, no WND, no holy days, no holy books, no doomsday predictions/prophecies, no calenders, and no ‘end of the world’.

  13. Stephen Kennedy

    Rabbi Stephen Skeptical makes an interesting point. I was stationed in Iraq for two years and the Muslim calendar basically follows the Jewish practice of being lunar based. As I recall, full moons had no particular religious significance and it was the new moon that determined when religious occasions were observed. It sounds like this four blood moons business is just an attempt to sell books and DVDs.

  14. “Four total lunar eclipses happening the next two years herald possible war in the Middle East …” Biltz told WND.

    Oh, this guy’s a real soothsayer, he is!

  15. The Planet Jupiter which has 4 satellites similar in the size of our Moon and larger and a very small axis tilt has eclipses all the time, pretty much a daily occurrence. Yet Jupiter is still here. Hmm.
    According to this very Jewish sounding web site many of the holidays start on Full moons. Months in the lunisolar calendar of course start at the new moon.:http://www.chabad.org/holidays/default_cdo/jewish/holidays.htm

  16. Oy vey, a meshugge prelude to a Biltzkrieg…

  17. @worldnetdaily prophesies shocking, shocking possibility of war in Middle East. I’d b more shocked by possible peace. bit.ly/1oEatL2

    @worldnetdaily on END of WORLD:”‘Its hard not 2…jump 2 a conclusion” Kno what mite make it easier? Professnl ethics bit.ly/1oEatL2

  18. anevilmeme said:

    “So what’s the next step past stark, raving, bat crap insane?”

    How about stark, raving, bat crap insane squared or cubed or choose your own exponent. We can follow the progress of such things only on a semi-log scale. Linear plots would be the length of a football field. Ha! Ha!

  19. I can do even better! I predict such a war will start between January 1st and December 31st.

    In other news, the weather will remain outside today.

  20. You would think these guys would know their Bible. Well, if they do, they don’t obey it.

    “Leviticus 19: 26 — You shall not interpret omens or tell fortunes.”