Self-Published Genius #31: Evolution’s Future

Today we have another addition to our series about Self-Published Geniuses, where we bring you news of authors with a vanity press book in which the author claims to have made paradigm-shattering discoveries, and announces his work by hiring a press release service.

This author’s press release is titled Waking up to Our True Nature — Kundalini Awakening: The next phase of human evolution. Wowie — the next phase in our evolution! This is important!

The press release is issued by PR Newswire, which describes itself as: “the leading global provider of marketing and communications solutions that let you optimize and distribute multimedia content to actively engage all key audiences, across all traditional, digital, social and mobile channels, anywhere in the world.” The lead paragraph (presumably written by the author) will grab your attention:

When I received this gift of awakened Kundalini from an Indian guru in 1979, from a dramatic two-hour meditation, I had no idea of its value. Even though I tasted ineffable bliss then, the process disrupted my marriage, family and my organized, well-controlled, Yuppie lifestyle, causing great confusion and distress to everyone. Family and friends saw my former passive, compliant self dissolve before their eyes as my consciousness was overturned like a great mattress.

Consciousness overturned like a mattress! That’s a fantastic image! There’s more to that paragraph:

However, there was little I could do about that, as I had been on the Kundalini train, the Holy Ghost Express, and there were no logical stations to disembark. At this time in human history it has been established that more and more people are reaching this same awakened state as their Kundalini is also being spontaneously activated.

We know what you’re wondering: Who is this author? The press release tells us only that she is Ruth Angela (M.A.). Hey — she has a master’s degree! We found her book at Amazon: The Guru’s Gift: A Kundalini Awakening. Amazon has some biographical information, which informs us:

Born in the UK, and naturalized American, Ruth Angela was living a Yuppie existence in Texas when she had a strange prophetic dream. Some five years later, after becoming a mother, a graduate student, a pilot, and moving to Hawaii, Ruth was given a dramatic spiritual awakening. The amazing revelations and events that followed, sent her on a 30 year quest to understand this mysterious transformational process. This book is the culmination of her 20 years of research and integration. She is semi-retired, living in San Francisco, near to her family.

She’s been on a 30 year quest, and spent 20 years researching this book. It’s gotta be great. But before we go on, we must confirm that her book qualifies for our collection. Was it published by a vanity press? No problem. Amazon tells us the name of the publisher. Here’s their website: Lotus-Blessings. Yes, it’s a vanity press. In fact, it’s the author’s own website.

Okay, we’ve got a vanity press book, we’ve got the author’s press release, and now we’re all set to go. Here’s more of what the press release says, with some bold font added by us for emphasis:

What I learned was paradigm-altering information about the astonishing power of being human and of the transformative power that is Kundalini. She is the feminine aspect of God inside us comparable to active nuclear power. She is our mother goddess coming back to reclaim us from our wanderings. We are the sovereign, transcendent survivors of millions of years of cellular development. It is our destiny to BE God’s eyes, ears, hearts as matter or form. This is our cosmic role which can be discerned and activated through meditation and concentration. What incredibly positive news!

This sounds like intelligent design on steroids. Let’s read on:

I journeyed through this discovery process step by step, author by author, inspiration and insight by insight to finally put the pieces of this mosaic into a hopeful, coherent picture. We have been betrayed through millennia by our minds, our left brain focus. It has stolen from us the wonderful light that lives within us all. But this ignorance is about to end. The awakening of Kundalini, negates these limitations and brings us to a new era, a Golden Age as predicted in ancients texts.

This is thrilling! It ends like this:

We are on the cusp of a new stage of human evolution, and Kundalini is the key to the door that takes us there.

We can’t wait to order hundreds of copies of her book so we can give them out to our friends. Oh wait — the Curmudgeon doesn’t have any friends. One is all we need to buy.

Before we leave — there are some “notes” at the end of the press release. We’re told:

This book discusses subjects such as: reincarnation, time and the human mind, flight in the body, visiting other planets, extrasensory perception, clairvoyance, out-of-body travel, healing by intention, healing modalities, entities, elementals, parallel universes, the third eye, the pineal gland, co-creation, time fluctuations, magic, Kumbhak breath, double vision, involution vs. evolution and so forth.

Involution vs. evolution? We never heard of that. But soon we will know everything! You don’t want to be left behind, dear reader. We’ve told you about the book, so we’ve done all we can. Now it’s up to you.

Copyright © 2014. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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15 responses to “Self-Published Genius #31: Evolution’s Future

  1. “from a dramatic two-hour meditation”
    What’s the difference between dramatic and undramatic meditation?

    “my organized, well-controlled, Yuppie lifestyle”
    Ohhoh! We better take this girl seriously. She is ahead of her time. See, according to Wikipedia “it first came into use in the early 1980s”. But our Kundalini girl was already a Yup in 1979! And she abandoned it even before it caught steam!

    “there were no logical stations to disembark”
    I totally believe this. Once you take the train towards Oogity-Boogity Land there aren’t any logical stations anymore.

    “She is the feminine aspect of God inside us comparable to active nuclear power.”
    Great! I can’t wait for the Kundalini version of the Hiroshima bombing – let’s call it Little Girl or Fat Woman.

    “We never heard of that.”
    Curmy, curmy, curmy. That’s what we have Wikipedia for! Involution occurs when something turns in upon itself. In this case it’s probably your Sensuous inner path of your Curmy soul to your steroid self. At the sweet end of this path you will be Enlightened as you never have been Enlightened before.

  2. Wow. That’s a lot of woo for such a low, low price.

  3. A dramatic two hour meditation? That’s how I described faling asleep while watching “After Earth.”

  4. One day in the not so distant future, the author will look back at this auspicious press release and regret not using the word quantum.

    Not even once? C’mon!

  5. For many in the 70’s and 80’s, the use of the word “awakening” meant “just got out of detox, i gotta get my life together”.

  6. Ha, Mark G, of course. We are talking about quantum involution. Ain’t that impressive?

  7. I had Khumbak breath but I found mints work wonders. Popping one in your mouth mid-conversation gives you a great Yuppie image too.

  8. Ruth Angela (M.A.)’s wondrous revelations sound a heck of a lot like scientology for paupers.

  9. Clearly the seventies were good for her.

  10. mnb0 says “We are talking about quantum involution.”

    If you listen hard enough, you can hear Deepak Chopra finishing chapter 3 of his upcoming book.

  11. What’s a polite, respectful way to say “bat [edited out] insane”?

  12. Seriously, while there are plenty of writings like this, what makes one of them be the beginning of a new philosophy or religion? I admit that I can’t motivate myself to read this – but is it any more [edited out] than some of the thriving beliefs?

  13. TomS asks, of off-beat psychobabble books,

    what makes one of them be the beginning of a new philosophy or religion?

    Ruthlessness and dishonesty by the early proponents are doubtless essential–consider St. Paul or Brigham Young. Greed, though not always apparent, can be an accelerator, viz., L. Ron Hubbard.

  14. Retired Prof

    Is it possible that she misheard the name of the principle she calls Kundalini? Perhaps her spiritual leader (understandably) mumbled when he told her what he was doing that she found so life-altering.