The Curmudgeon’s Poetry

There was only one prior occasion when your humble Curmudgeon burdened you with his poetic efforts. That was The Night Before Christmas Eve. But now, because nothing else is going on, we’re going to inflict our poetry on you again. Here it comes:

O I’m the Intelligent Designer,
Of the universe. What could be finer?
I made the sun, the moon, and the stars,
I carved the Face on Mars,
There is no missing link,
And that ought to make you think.

I’m such an Intelligent Designer,
Of DNA the entwiner,
Of your genetic code the signer,
And of the sun I’m the shiner.

Yes I’m the Intelligent Designer,
Sorry I botched up your spine[r],
And much to my surprise,
I’m not thrilled about your eyes,
Or your teeth or your toes,
But Goodness knows,
I could have done worse, I suppose.

Betwixt the fossil gaps,
Is where you’ll find me … perhaps.
What-e’er you can’t understand,
Is proof that I’ve played my hand.

There was nothing before me,
Yet Darwin forswore me,
Fool that he was,
I got even because,
He ended up in the Lake of Fire.

Sorry about that last line. The muse failed us. To make up for it, here’s another:

The Intelligent Designer am I,
You should give my theory a try,
I don’t need species transitional,
Not when I’m so exceptional,
At the work that I do,
Which ‘though unseen by you,
Needs less faith than eee-voou-luuu [shun].

But we’re not done yet. Here’s a final couplet:

Mars is red, Uranus is blue,
The Intelligent Designer created you.

So there you are, dear reader. If you’d like to offer your own verses, that’s what the comments are for.

Copyright © 2014. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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16 responses to “The Curmudgeon’s Poetry

  1. Is it possible to un-read something? No reason, just wondering.

  2. With my perfect creation I’m pleased,
    So sorry about your weak knees.
    I spent too much time
    Trying to hide in deep time,
    Making humans that live in the trees.

  3. Ceteris Paribus

    Poetry may set her free,
    Liquor is quicker.
    (with apologies to Ogden Nash)

  4. You should send your beautiful poem(s) to the usual suspects.
    Or post it on Cornelius Hunter’s blog. Heck, if you give me permission I’ll do it for you.

  5. Better than William McGonagall at his best!

  6. Mark Joseph

    And certainly better than Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings of Sussex!

  7. I find it kinda odd
    That your queer hatin’ God
    Who made Earth and Mars and Venus
    Now cares where you putcher penis.

  8. @Mark Joseph

    I was thinking more along the lines of Patience Strong, but there y’go.

  9. Nothing would be finer
    Than an intelligent designer,
    But we got stuck with
    A bit of a [dim]wit
    Who’s also a genocider.

  10. Borderline raunchy, Diogenes. A tad over the border, but I’ll look the other way.

  11. I think that I shall never see
    A ‘theory’ so stupid as ID.

    A dream whose hungry shills are pressed
    Against their donor’s flowing breast;

    The ‘theory’ looks toward God all day,
    To fill all gaps along the way;

    Theories are made by PhD’s,
    But only fools believe ID.

  12. Rikki_Tikki_Taalik

    Well, not so much a poem as new lyrics and a shift in topic, here’s something I whipped up over at PT a while back …

    The Hokeae Pokeae Roseae

    Ya put your half fin in,
    ya put your half hand out,
    ya put your half fin in,
    and ya mutate all about.
    Iso’late yer populations,
    and ya speciate around,
    that’s what it’s all about.

  13. Roses are red,
    Violets are blue;
    ‘Tis natural selection
    That gives each its hue.

  14. To Megalonyx from Olivia:

    Mars is red, Uranus is blue,
    You don’t want to know,
    What I think of you.

  15. I agree, I don’t want to know what Olivia thinks of me. It might damage my boundless humility if I were to know just how deeply I am adored and idolised by her.

  16. Ceteris Paribus

    Odium to a Panda’s People

    The logic is rotten; the premises a fright
    Everything’s left over from their holy rite
    But they booted their computer and changed just a jot
    And said that it’s real ID Science they’ve got