Creationist Wisdom #437: All Figured Out

Today’s second letter-to-the-editor appears in the Free Lance-Star of Fredericksburg, Virginia. The last time we had one from that fine newspaper was only a week ago — #434: A Duane Gish Fan.

This one is titled Evolution and creationism can coexist. Hey — that’s a very encouraging title. Maybe the letter-writer has figured out how we can all get along.

We don’t like to embarrass people (unless they’re politicians, preachers, or other public figures), so we’ll just use the letter-writer’s first name, which is Waldo. We’ll give you a few excerpts from his letter, enhanced with our Curmudgeonly commentary and some bold font for emphasis. Here we go!

Scientists try to explain evolution and climate change using the scientific method, but I think they are a part of God’s plan for the Earth.

That’s it? That’s his theory? Come on, there’s gotta be more to it than that. Then he says:

Do you ever wonder why the osprey and purple martins migrate from South America to Virginia every year in March or early April? Scientists say it just happens, but I say it is God’s plan for nature.

We’re starting to suspect that Waldo’s harmony proposal won’t work for everyone, but we’ll hear him out. Let’s read on:

Scientists say man evolved from a prehistoric being — Neanderthal man. DNA research established that there is no relationship between Neanderthal man and modern man.

Aaaargh!! Wikipedia’s article on the Neanderthal genome project tells us:

According to preliminary sequences, 99.7% of the base pairs of the modern human and Neanderthal genomes are identical … .

Also we didn’t evolve from the Neanderthal, but we had a common ancestor around 370,000 years ago. That makes our two species cousins, so to speak. Waldo goofed up quite a bit on that, but we won’t judge him too harshly. Not yet, anyway. His letter continues:

DNA research claims that life began for modern man 50,000 years ago. These are different scientific opinions.

Aaaargh!! Cro-Magnon remains (that’s modern man) appeared in Europe around 43,000 years ago, and it took them a while to get there from Africa, so we’ve been around a little bit longer than 50,000 years. Here’s more:

If you read C.S. Lewis’ discussion of time — and I realize that C.S. Lewis is a theologian and not a scientist — he says that people confuse our time (chronos) with God’s time (karios).

Your Curmudgeon has enough problems with Daylight Saving Time. Now Waldo wants to make things even more complicated. Moving along:

A second in God’s time could be a thousand years, or a minute could be a million years. Based on that theory, evolution is certainly compatible with creationism.

That seems to be a garbled version of Day-age creationism, which says that the “days” in Genesis could be long geological ages. Based on Waldo’s version, every chronology could be compatible with God’s time. But it still doesn’t address the differences between evolution and divine creation. Another excerpt:

What is the difference?

Huh? Oh, never mind. On with the letter:

Who do the scientists say created the Earth? Did it just happen?

Who? Maybe it was a Mesopotamian dude whose name has been forgotten. Anyway, no, Waldo, it didn’t “just happen.” Nothing just happens. In the natural world, events have causes — and a natural cause isn’t a “who” — it doesn’t have a purpose either. Oops — Waldo doesn’t agree. He says:

It had to be created. In my mind, God created the Earth and everything in it. God is real and his presence is everywhere.

Okay, Waldo, whatever you say. And now we come to the end of his letter:

It is my opinion that evolution and creationism can coexist. It is not a problem for me. I believe that God created evolution.

We don’t see how that mess can coexist with evolution, but we’re not going to argue with Waldo. We don’t think you should either.

Copyright © 2014. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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13 responses to “Creationist Wisdom #437: All Figured Out

  1. Waldo doesn’t understand the formation of the Earth. Therefore — goddidit.
    Yep. All figured out.

  2. Ceteris Paribus

    Waldo says: “Scientists try to explain evolution and climate change using the scientific method, but I think they [?] are a part of God’s plan for the Earth.

    Yes, a part of God’s plan. And quite possibly Waldo thinks the rest of God’s plan includes stowing his carry-on baggage in the overhead compartment, and putting his seat back in the full upright position before take-off to the Pearly Gates. Waldo is nothing if not a font of insightful information about conundrums that others cannot puzzle out.

  3. That has to be one of the classics of the series, doesn’t it? Clearly the guy hasn’t yet worked out what those funny-lookin’ things are that they have on shelves in the library.

  4. I have no idea about what CS Lewis has to say about it, but I assume that he wrote about chronos and kairos [sic], Greek words for “time”. See the Wiki article on “Kairos”.

  5. This post and the last two as well clearly demonstrate the reason one should never call creationists stupid. They have a definite talent to invent really remarkable fairytales to support their main fairytale. Besides you should not give these people compliments as it will encourage them.

  6. Waldo, early Homo sapiens co-existed with Neanderthals in what is now Europe. And they apparently interbred to some extent. That’s why in many people of European ancestry (including me), between 2% and 5% of their DNA is Neanderthal. For a small fee you can send a sample of your DNA to organizations such as The Genographic Project or 23 and Me and find out (among other things) the percentage of your DNA that’s Neanderthal.

  7. abeastwood says: “in many people of European ancestry (including me), between 2% and 5% of their DNA is Neanderthal.”

    I am reliably informed that one among us is almost 100% Neanderthal, but it wouldn’t be appropriate for me to say who it is.

  8. For one hopeful moment I thought Waldo was going to stumble into Deism……..

  9. Curmy spills, “I am reliably informed that one among us is almost 100% Neanderthal…”

    How the hell did you find out??

  10. I think Waldo has just unwittingly released a flurry of Czech hedgehogs all over the accommodationist highway.

  11. Curses. HTML failure. I prithee, O Great Hand of Heaven, do Thy Will.

    [*Voice from above*] Doesn’t look too bad. You had an end of link command in two different places.

  12. retiredsciguy asks: “How the hell did you find out??”

    I had strong suspicions about you, but I was referring to someone else.

  13. Niel Andrew Thall, your cover is blown. Abort! Abort!