Rev. David Rives: Clams in Kansas!

The Drool-o-tron™ suddenly came to life. Its blaring sirens and flashing lights drew our attention to the blinking letters of its wall display, which said WorldNetDaily (WND). Our computer was locked onto WND’s presentation of the latest video by the brilliant and articulate leader of David Rives Ministries.

WND’s headline is Clams in Kansas speak to God’s creation. That’s an exciting headline! Trembling with anticipation, we eagerly clicked over there to learn what the rev had to say.

The actual title of the video is Clams in Kansas — Paleontology at the Niobrara Formation It runs for a glorious 90 seconds before the commercial at the end — and every second will open your eyes!

The rev presents a different side of his amazing career in this one. You know him as an astronomy buff and a well-dressed bible boy. But you probably never suspected that he’s also a bit of a paleontologist. Now you can actually see him in the field, exploring the Niobrara Formation. Wikipedia tells us that it:

… is a geologic formation in North America that was laid down between 87 and 82 million years ago during the Coniacian, Santonian, and Campanian ages of the Late Cretaceous. … The chalk formed from the accumulation of coccoliths from microorganisms living in what was once the Western Interior Seaway, an inland sea that divided the continent of North America during much of the Cretaceous. It underlies much of the Great Plains of the US and Canada.

The rev sees it quite differently, of course. To him, finding clams in the soil of Kansas is flat-out proof of Noah’s Flood. No doubt about it — the rev is convinced. Maybe he’ll convince you too.

But the best part of this video is the rev himself — he’s not dressed in his grown-up suit. You get to see him wearing an outdoorsy outfit, with some kind of Indiana Jones hat on his head. Previously, he may not have impressed you as the rugged type, but if you click over there you can see the rev as you’ve never seen him before. Surely, that’s worth a look, isn’t it?

As we always do with the rev’s videos, we dedicate the comments section for your use as an Intellectual Free Fire Zone. You know the rules, but please remember — bathroom jokes must be in good taste. Okay, the comments are open. Go to it!

Copyright © 2014. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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31 responses to “Rev. David Rives: Clams in Kansas!

  1. I wonder if the rev will ever learn to emulate the clam?

  2. If the heavens can declare the glory of fraud, then why not the clams?

  3. Sigh . . . !

    It always amazes me when creationists bring up stuff like this as though it were revolutionary. proof positive that evolution is bogus. Do they really think the theory would have survived this long, and gained the support it has in the scientific community, if the evidence pointed to creation as strongly as they say it does? Can they really believe scientists have no answer? After all, in Darwin’s day it was creation which was the “establishment” view, though that was changing as more and more actual evidence turned up that the earth and the universe were far older than Genesis implied and that the living creatures on the ancient earth were different from those of the present.

    When the good reverend can explain rationally how Mount Everest can have been under water (no hand-waving about “miracles,” please) maybe–maybe–he’ll have something, but I doubt it; I still have trouble keeping from giggling when I picture kangaroos and walruses hopping and flopping their way to the Ark, and then back again. And as someone who’s lived with a person who kept a large number of dogs and cats, I shudder to think what the interior of the Ark would have been like when a choking, gasping Noah finally let down the gangplank again.

  4. “why not the clams?”

    Sounds like one of those obscure venereal diseases, doesn’t it? “I got the clams, and I gottem bad . . .”

  5. Clamidia perhaps?

  6. At a certain level of the strata, we find trilobites. And they have the same frequency no matter if they are dug up in Kansas City or in Spokane or in Australia. People who compress 300 million years of evolution into as many days fail to see the implication of that: the antediluvian world must have been wall-to-wall trilobites, let alone chock full of all the other animals we find at other levels.

  7. Eric Lipps says: “Do they really think the theory would have survived this long, and gained the support it has in the scientific community, if the evidence pointed to creation as strongly as they say it does?”

    Even before the theory of evolution, and before the science of geology, Thomas Jefferson considered such evidence and decided that we didn’t yet know the answer. I quoted him extensively in Thomas Jefferson on Young-Earth Creationism.

  8. Linuxgal: yeah, but apparently the sky fairy didn’t like trilobites too much. I’m not sure why. There were lots of them, and I think they’re sort of cute (but then I did my PhD thesis on Limulus polyphemus, so my ideas of cute may be a bit eclectic).

  9. Ugh – this was the 1st-ever time I’ve tried to actually watch a Rev. video, but it didn’t come up – that’s OK. I didn’t really want to kill off brain cells. I was definitely thrilled a couple weeks ago to be seeing & collecting inoceramid bivalve fossils (all fragmented), many with encrusting oysters, at Castle Rock, Kansas. How lame it is when creationist cultists use specific, non-dinosaur fossils to push their mind-melting nonsense. It happens with the Ordovician-aged Cincinnatian fossiliferous limestones as well. We Cincy fossil lovers cringe when we come across that sorta thing.

  10. I recently encountered two people who are in denial of evolution not for religious reasons but because they believe it is a big conspiracy by government to suppress the truth that we are the results of aliens interfering with the development of life on this planet.

    One lady I met on a dating site is just a big conspiracy nut about everything. That bothered me, but things were going along pretty smoothly in our conversations until the subject of evolution came up. I shot her down by quoting the Dawkins phrase about being either ignorant, stupid, insane or wicked to her. She did not like that.

    The other lady I met at a farmers’ market. She is into new age stuff: crystals and the like, but she also has the idea that humans developed from alien interference and that there is a huge conspiracy to hide this. There is no connection between the two ladies that I know of. It surprised me to encounter two people in one week who apparently with nothing else in common both believe in a giant conspiracy to cover up our alien origins!

  11. docbill1351

    I think the Good Rev needs see his doctor about a bad case of clam-idiotia.

  12. Ceteris Paribus

    It is a shame that such a nice, religious looking, guy could wear a disguise and spend days walking all over thousands of helpless Kansas clam fossils. Lord knows what he does with that hammer in his hand.

    History shows he is not restricted to standard issue polyester preacher outfits. You can see Davy playing guitar in preacher jeans here:

    There used to be more of his music genre on the web a while back, but I can’t find it now. Possibly those were on his previous domain, which now just transfers to the davidrivesministry site.

  13. Retired Prof

    abeastwood, I was getting ready to reply to Linuxgal’s post by speculating that the creator must have cleared out the trilobites to make room for horseshoe crabs. He probably got tired of the rococo style and wanted something with simpler, cleaner lines.

    I had to look up the species name you gave to see that we are both on the same page, more or less.

  14. Doctor Stochastic

    If the clams had legs, now that would be interesting.

  15. Doctor Stochastic – According to Johnny Hart, clams got legs.

  16. I never imagined that there was a branch of science that Rives knew less about than Astronomy, and all of a sudden he proves me wrong by showing that he is even more ignorant about Paleontology.

  17. @Mary L
    Terminology, terminology, terminology, please: clams ain’t got legs, they got gams.
    And so we segue into a song break . . .

  18. Leonardo da Vinci wrote on how those fossils of marine creatures could not be accounted for by a flood.

  19. Yes, Tom, but Leonardo was an ignorant Italian Catholic. What did he know compared to a Bible-believing evangelical fundamentalist American?

  20. So much to write about —

    @Ceteris Paribus: Thanks for posting Davey singing. Not a bad voice, and decent on the guitar. Coulda been a rock star, but chose gospel obscurity.

    @James St. John: Good to see another Cincinnatian here. Although I now live in Indiana, my teaching career was in Clermont County, just east of Cinti. I amassed quite a classroom fossil collection by giving the students extra credit for bringing in fossils. I hope the teachers who succeeded me kept up the tradition. They didn’t find too many trilobites, though; mostly brachiopods and bryozoans. Of course, every piece of limestone there is nothing but fossils. They got lots of extra credit.

    Now, about Li’l Davey finding clams in Kansas and thinking they are proof of Noah’s Flood — that’s probably how that whole flood mythology got started in the first place. Goatherders finding clams on the hillsides, far from the ocean. Of course, they never would have heard of uplift back then, but Li’l Davey can’t use that excuse. He’s simply blinded by his faith.

  21. Wait a minute, I thought that the fossil record is in order from the animals less able to flee the flood at the bottom to the most able at the top. That means these clams had some really terrific digging powers. I’m imagining a spunky clam father leading his clam wife and clam sons and daughters up through an ever deepening layer of rock and silt, shouting “Clam up, Junior, and keep digging!” Alas, it was all for naught and he lost his whole famn clamily.

    And now I haz a sad.

  22. Revver Rives confirms it. Creationism’s a shell game.

  23. Our Curmudgeon writes: “WND’s headline is Clams in Kansas speak to God’s creation. That’s an exciting headline! Trembling with anticipation, we eagerly clicked over there to learn what the rev had to say …”

    Never mind the rev! I wanted to know what the CLAMS had to say!

    To God’s creation, you know.

  24. BlackWatch

    Rev, your clams recipe is half baked. Maybe dishwashing is more your speed.

  25. Maybe Rives is onto something, but in a different way – the clams are evidence of how his flood myth originated. If so, they really are linked with his biblical tale, just not in the way he thinks.

    Modern people cannot be the first to have noticed marine fossils like shells and clams lying about on the ground. Pre-scientific people would certainly have viewed marine fossils as evidence that a flood must have occurred sometime in the past. When they found shells on hilltops or mountain peaks, they would have concluded that the flood was immense. Since ancient people invented stories, usually involving gods, to explain natural phenomena that they did not understand, it seems reasonable to postulate that they would have created flood myths like the one in the bible to explain widespread marine fossils.

  26. Ed that is an interesting theory, but the number of people who actually found seashells on mountain tops must have been very small, insufficient to justify a mythology. We do know the Noah story is plagiarized directly from the epic of Gilgamesh, and Isaac Asimov speculated that the Sumerians got their flood story from an asteroid strike in the Persian Gulf that flooded the whole Mesopotamian region.

  27. Sexy David dressed like Indiana Jones’ little religious cousin was definitely the best part of it, as he told us nothing new. Moreover:


    Without his Freudian symbol I just can’t admire The Good Reverend. Plus fossils have nothing to do with Heavens.

    Eric Lipps got it right:

    “When the good reverend can explain rationally how Mount Everest can have been under water ”
    Exactly. I want The Good Reverend (capitals please, though he doesn’t really deserve it today) using his telescope tracking down Heavenly Evidence to tell us where all the water came from.

    @Ceteris: thanks. Your video has soothed my disappointment. That sexy voice!

  28. @Linuxgal: Actually, the fossil seashells wouldn’t have to be on mountaintops to get the goat herders thinking about a great flood — clams just laying about on hillsides several hundred feet above sea level would have them scratching their heads. Their logical (at the time) conclusion would be “There must have been a BIG flood!” And yes, the biblical Noah account was lifted from Gilgamesh, but how did the Gilgamesh myth get started?

    About Asimov’s speculation about an asteroid-generated tsunami inundating Sumeria — such an event would leave a mighty deposit of undifferentiated sediment, similar to glacial till. Do you know if such a deposit exists there? (i.e., did Asimov cite any evidence?)

  29. @Eric Lipps & mnbo: I haven’t personally been up there, but I read somewhere that the rock that forms Everest is marine-deposited limestone that has been uplifted to its present lofty position. So technically, Everest has been under water — but not since plate tectonics has done its thing.

    (Of course, the Bible doesn’t mention plate tectonics, so Li’l Davey doesn’t “believe” in it. It makes more sense to him that all that water magically appeared, and then just as magically disappeared.)

  30. Known geological events such as the Santorini/Thera volcano could easily have provided a disaster on a large enough scale to remain popular in cultural lore long enough to make the transition from oral tradition to written form. But determining the original version of a story that had been passed down through oral tradition must be very difficult. Revisionism could have been as readily used in the past as it is today. Creationism is wonderful example of how easily revisionism can be invoked successfully.

  31. The whole truth

    Speaking of clams, here’s an interesting article:

    Young Researcher Discovers Source of Disco Clams’ Light Show

    And some others:

    Oldest biodiversity found in Gabonese marine ecosystem

    Animals built reefs 550 million years ago, fossil study finds

    The shocking truth about electric fish: Genomic basis for the convergent evolution of electric organs