ICR: Creation Science Proves the Bible Is True

A while back we wrote The Law of Diminishing Consequences, in which we compiled data showing the steep decline in divine punishment for sin. We started with the sin of Adam & Eve, and progressed though the Flood, the Tower of Babel, then Sodom and Gomorrah, etc. We even included a nifty graph.

That was, perhaps, our only attempt at creation science. Imagine our surprise when we saw our methodology being used at the website of the Institute for Creation Research (ICR) — the granddaddy of all creationist outfits — the fountainhead of young-earth creationist wisdom. Their latest article is Did Adam Really Live 930 Years?

It’s written by Brian Thomas, described at the end as “Science Writer at the Institute for Creation Research.” He has MS after his name, which is very impressive. This is ICR’s biographical information about him. Here are some excerpts from what he says, with bold font added by us:

Genesis 5:5 says Adam lived for 930 years. Judging by today’s standards, this sounds impossible. Many contemporary readers of Genesis balk at such numbers and some end up rejecting the whole Bible. But a few researchers have found reasons to believe it.

Ooooooooh — “researchers” have found reasons to believe it. This is big news indeed! We can’t wait to learn about their research. We’re told:

Plant geneticist Dr. John Sanford and his colleagues plotted the ages of the biblical patriarchs listed in Genesis. The result shows a systematic drop-off in lifespans after 950-year-old Noah, “in a way that could never happen by chance,” according to an online post showing their results.

Wowie — they actually plotted the ages of the biblical patriarchs! That’s so … scientific! The ICR article has a crude graph, something like the one we used in our earlier post on divine punishment, but if you visit the blog post of the “researchers,” Genetic Entropy Recorded in the Bible?, they’ve got data and graphs up the wazoo, starting with Adam’s lifespan (930 years) and ending with David (70 years). Let’s read on:

The researchers’ post points out how the biological decay curve found in these biblical texts matches biological decay curves known from the science of mutation accumulation. As mutations add up after every generation, they constantly erode genetic information.

This is so exciting! It’s a clear application of what we call the Creationists’ Scientific Method, which is this:

1. Select a conclusion which you hope is true.
2. Find one piece of evidence that possibly might fit.
3. Ignore all other evidence.
4. That’s it.

Then ICR asks this powerful question:

Did early mutations damage genes that once enabled human bodies to live for hundreds of years?

And here’s the thrilling answer:

The authors of the post wrote, “The lifespan data indicates [sic] that the extreme longevity of the early Patriarchs was real, and that the rapid decline of longevity after the Flood was real.”

Hey — don’t be so automatically dismissive. They plotted the data. Good data, good conclusion. There’s no way to avoid it. Here’s the inescapable conclusion:

And if the patriarch’s lifespans were real, then the verses that record and refer to them accurately describe real history.

Well, dear reader, whatcha gonna do now? All your life you’ve been a skeptic. But now that’s no longer possible. ICR has data. They’ve got graphs. Their conclusions are rock solid! Isn’t it time you stopped your foolishness and became a believer?

Copyright © 2014. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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27 responses to “ICR: Creation Science Proves the Bible Is True

  1. I expect Ken Ham to write a short blog post refuting ICR’s methods and claims. This is historical science, so it is bogus.

  2. Here’s more evidence: as people age, they generally get wrinkles. If you sit in a bath for a long time, your skin becomes wrinkly. Therefore exposure to a flood, you go wrinkly and age quicker.

  3. Charles Deetz ;)

    Okay, I’ll bite, I see a table of data with references, so the bible is at least consistent. I’ll even make my own theory that disease hadn’t evolved enough to kill off these guys early (similar to their mutation argument). However, I find it hard to believe that none of these patriarchs died early by war, murder, or accidents. Maybe they just tossed that data out?

  4. Our Curmudgeon points out

    ICR has data. They’ve got graphs.

    Yeah–but have they got lawyers, poo-flingers, and a green-screen lab-OR-atory like the Disco’Tooters have?

  5. Megalonyx says: “Yeah–but have they got lawyers, poo-flingers, and a green-screen lab-OR-atory like the Disco’Tooters have?”

    There’s no hope for you, Mongo. You live in England, but you still can’t pronounce la-BOR-a-tory.

  6. It would appear from this “definitive mathematical study” that women were not as hardy as men, genetically speaking, as their life spans were appreciably shorter. Perhaps the “rib effect” lent itself to too many negative mutations and the deity didn’t take that into account.

  7. For blokes whose lifespans exceeded nine centuries, those old patriarchs produced remarkably few direct descendants. Could it be that their wives’ onset of menopause occurred within the usual more modest timeframes?

  8. Sure, some people lived almost a millennium, but homicide was much more common in Adam and Eve’s day. When Cain killed Able, the murder rate jumped to 25,000 per 100,000 people. Explain that, ICR.

  9. docbill1351

    Startled, Curmie awoke to find he couldn’t move his right arm. Glancing over his shoulder he observed his right wrist firmly gripped by an iron manacle.

    “Curious,” he thought.

    Further observation confirmed that his remaining limbs were likewise immobilized.

    “Well, this is a fine kettle of fish,” he muttered to nobody in particular.

    The chamber door opened causing a cool draft to waft over his exposed nether region, which he decided not to confirm visually.

    The rhythmic tap of stiletto safety shoes behind him, and the scent of Chanel No. 5 and chloroform confirmed his worst suspicions.

    “Hello, Curmie,” Olivia whispered, “welcome to my la-BOR-a-tory.”

    Curmie’s reply caught in his throat, cut off by the SNAP of a rubber glove.

    … to be continued.

  10. Thank goodness… I thought @docbill was going down the Ann Gauger route again.

  11. Mark Germano breathes a premature sigh of relief when he states

    Thank goodness… I thought @docbill was going down the Ann Gauger route again.

    Keep your guard up: the interrogatrix in Doc Bill’s tale cannot be the TRVE ‘Olivia’, but is liable to suddenly pull off her latex mask to reveal her identity as Dr. Georgia Purdom

  12. Relax, gentlemen. There has never been a security breach at the Curmudgeon’s headquarters — except in the fervid fantasies of docbill1351 and Megalonyx.

  13. docbill1351

    Purdom???

    Ah, yes.

    I don’t know what strange and unholy concoction of pills, drugs, booze and Woolite you take, Megalonyx, but do send me the recipe.

    There’s a good chap!

  14. “Perhaps the “rib effect” lent itself to too many negative mutations and the deity didn’t take that into account.”

    And I find it fascinating that just because the KJV translators weren’t quite certain on how to translated the Hebrew word but went with “rib”, and that traditional rendering set a precedent for most translations which followed—and has forever embedded itself in the average person’s mental pictures of the origination of Eve.

    Four centuries later, I’m partial to translating that Hebrew word as “innards” in my literal translation. And if I’m feeling especially paraphrastic, I’ll even go with “biopsy”— and watch sales of my all too idiomatic Bible translation drop to a trickle.

  15. Four centuries later, I’m partial to translating that Hebrew word as “innards”

    Eww.

  16. Ceteris Paribus

    SC boasts: “‘There has never been a security breach at the Curmudgeon’s headquarters”

    Well, it’s your own headquarters, so wear whatever you want. But at my age I find that it is a good precaution to wear security breaches on long airplane flights, and quite mandatory for overnight stays with relatives.

  17. docbill1351

    I have seen some research which identifies the exact passage as

    עוף ולביבות

  18. Forget it guys, Darwin is finished. They’ve cooked our goose this time. They’ve really managed to prove that every word in the Bible is true, even the conversation between Balaam son of Beor and his talking donkey [Numbers 24] (a dialogue which, since Balaam son of Beor in his next appearance got stabbed by an Israelite, must have been transcribed by the donkey.)

    These creationists have cooked our goose. From the page of creationist “research”, consider this gem of a description of their plots of the degenerating life times of Biblical authors:

    “We rationally must reject the absurd idea that any mathematician could have fabricated so many parts of the Old Testament, just so he could fool the world… If the Old Testament was written to deceive everyone, why would the perpetrator fabricate such hard-to-believe data about people who lived to such great ages?”

    There you go. The story is ri-goddam-diculous, that proves it is true. As the Church father Tertullian said, “It is by all means credible, because it is absurd”.

    Likewise, it is absurd to imagine that one jolly fat man in a red suit could deliver toys to all the children in the world in just one night. Since it is absurd, why would anyone make up such a story? That proves it’s true.

    Continuing on this triumph of creationism:

    “How would that be convincing to anyone? Without the modern ability to analyze this type of data, and without any knowledge of genetic mutations, the decay curve (only seen when the data is plotted), would mean nothing to any of the early readers of the Bible. This forces us to accept the alternative explanation… that the reported decline of lifespans arose because it was true

    There you go guys, they just proved that Noah built the Ark when we was 600 years old (OK, late 500’s) and lived to 900. We lost. They beat us fair and square.

    “and because all the relevant Biblical accounts were both historically true and surprisingly accurate.

    So, not only is 900-year-old Noah proven true, they also proved everything else in the Bible is true– the talking donkey, the talking snake, giants, dragon spitting a river, lady sprouting eagle wings, etc.

    Shut down your laboratories, guys, they beat us fair and square.

  19. jimroberts

    I prefer the translation of the word the AV made “rib” as “baculum”. This explains why human males, unlike the males of most other mammals, don’t have one.

  20. Christine Janis

    “This explains why human males, unlike the males of most other mammals, don’t have one.”

    A piece of anatomical information which actually proves that there is no God.

  21. Why do the authors begin their graph with Noah? Adam lived 930 years, per the bible, but there were 9 others between Adam and Noah. Extending the graph’s curve as the authors have shown it would result an age for Adam approaching eternity. Unfortunately, that’s not what the bible states.

    The missing data:
    Adam – 930 yrs
    Cain – ?
    Seth – 930 yrs
    Enos – 905 yrs
    Cainan – 910 yrs
    Mahalalel – 895 yrs
    Jared – 962 yrs
    Enoch – 365 yrs
    Methuselah – 969 yrs
    Lamech – 777 yrs
    Noah – 950 yrs

    Lives for anyone born shortly before the flood were, of course, much shorter.

    Including this data, and the authors would have a completely different story. Pre-flood generations tended to live to the low 900’s, with a couple of relatively shorter lived members and a couple that pushed into the 960’s. The graph would thus be fairly flat for the first 11 generations, and then dive after the flood to much shorter lifespans. Maybe the population bottleneck of 8 humans after the flood, and the required inbreeding, resulted in the sudden decrease in lifespan.

    Also, if the authors are right, other forms of life would have exhibited proportionately longer lifespans as well. (This is in addition to the ability of some animals to speak human languages)

    It is puzzling why the researchers were apparently unaware of the additional data readily available in their bibles to complete their analysis. One could almost speculate that it was intentional.

  22. Ceteris Paribus

    anonymous ponders:

    It is puzzling why the researchers were apparently unaware of the additional data readily available in their bibles to complete their analysis. One could almost speculate that it was intentional.

    Miight be intentional. The concept of “zero” as an actual number, and algebra as a computational method, didn’t even exist until a thousand or so years ago. And even then the credit goes to polytheistic pagans and Muslims. I expect it will still be awhile before these OT savants are ready to take that leap into the modern world.

  23. Ah, yes; quote the Bible to “prove” the Bible. Now if only they could just burn at the stake everyone who finds such methods ridiculous, we’d be back in the Middle Ages as God intended.

  24. What baramin, this!?

    Can’t wait to see what sort of thalidomide rabbit the cretinists pull from their tatty hat to explain this one away.

  25. Just another baramin, Con-Tester, just another baramin. That’s the nice thing about the concept. It’s as flexible as needed. It can mean everything (and an evilutionist like you of course will add: hence nothing).

  26. “I have seen some research which identifies the exact passage as
    עוף ולביבות ”

    LOL. But doesn’t every exotic meat taste “kind of like chicken”?

  27. >”What baramin, this!?
    >Can’t wait to see what so”

    It tasted like chicken also.