We often get in trouble on weekends when there’s no news of The Controversy between evolution and creationism. That’s when we unleash our inner Curmudgeon and speak our mind. Well, we're doing it again. Some of you won't like this one, but we think it may be our finest hour.
Most of you have heard of Social Darwinism. It makes as much sense as social quantum mechanics. Nevertheless, from its misguided origins (Banquet at Delmonico’s — Spencer and Social Darwinism) it has become a pejorative term used by creationists to imply that the theory of evolution is responsible for eugenics, racism, imperialism, genocide, divorce, promiscuity, and any other evil they can think of, notwithstanding that those things have been around as long as humanity itself.
The Discoveroids frequently make use of this fabrication — see Discovery Institute: Hitler, Hitler, Hitler. We’ve discussed all this before, for example: The Insanity of “Social Darwinism”. But the creationists persist in presenting their wildly false propaganda.
Well, it’s time to turn the tables on them. Therefore, we hereby announce the … ah, genesis of a new sociological and political concept — social creationism. The beliefs and practices of social creationism are the result of applying the principles of creationism to human activities. Bits and pieces of it already exist, but it’s never before been assembled into a coherent doctrine.
What would those beliefs and practices be? That’s simple, they’re the opposite of social Darwinism. We’re always being told that social Darwinism is evil, so its flip-side, social creationism, must be good. Our logic is undeniable.
In what follows, bear in mind that virtually every claim about social Darwinism is false. Nevertheless, social creationism isn’t entirely fictitious. Here’s the program, presented for the first time in one essay:
• Instead of the rich preying on the poor, the poor will prey upon the rich.
• Instead of eugenics (elimination of the genetically inferior, which goes back at least as far as the Spartans), social creationism requires that the genetically superior will be eliminated.
• Instead of allowing and encouraging entrepreneurial activity and competition, such behavior will be outlawed. No one will be permitted to excel in business or anything else. Successful individuals are so … Darwinian.
• Private property will no longer exist. Everything will be owned by everyone in common.
• Individualism will be discouraged, and tribalism will be the only acceptable form of society.
• Intelligence will be penalized, not rewarded. Universal mediocrity will be the rule.
• Everyone will be issued not only food stamps, but also intelligence stamps, health stamps, beauty stamps, and success stamps, so that no one will have more of anything than anyone else.
• And of course, science will be outlawed. Those misguided souls who were scientists will become unskilled laborers.
That’s the deal. Some of the principles of social creationism are already politically popular, but the movement is fragmented. Now that the full concept has been assembled into one glorious intellectual package — and given a proper name — we can expect its adherents to unite and bring about an acceleration of current trends. Your Curmudgeon is pleased to have performed this service for humanity.
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