Ken Ham’s New Billboard Campaign

This is hot news from Ken Ham (ol’ Hambo), the Australian entrepreneur who has become the ayatollah of Appalachia, famed for his creationist ministry, Answers in Genesis (AIG) and for the infamous, mind-boggling Creation Museum.

It’s found at ol’ Hambo’s personal blog, so you know it’s divinely inspired: Watch Our New Digital Billboard Outreach in Washington, DC! Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us for emphasis:

As you know, the nation’s capital features one of the leading atheistic evolutionary museums in the world: the Smithsonian Natural History Museum. Because millions of people visit Washington, DC, each year, we decided to reach out to this influential city and let people know about a museum where they can learn the truth concerning origins, God’s Word, and the gospel — the Creation Museum.

BWAHAHAHAHAHA! The Smithsonian is an “atheistic evolutionary museum.” And it’s right in the nation’s capital! How did things ever descend to this level? But don’t despair. Ol’ Hambo is going to set things right. He says:

Continuing through August, 480 times a day (20 times per hour), a special series of three digital billboards are displayed on the corner of Seventh & H Street.

Wowie — the display changes every three minutes! Crowds are going to be standing there for hours at a time, dazed, drooling, and mesmerized by Hambo’s heavenly message. Let’s read on:

Using spectacular animated artwork, the boards advertise the Creation Museum in our Cincinnati/Northern Kentucky area. The museum is about a 9–10-hour drive from Washington, plus the billboard will be seen by thousands of tourists who may live even closer to our museum.

The billboards have spectacular animated artwork! We haven’t even seen the stuff and we’re already impressed. Hambo continues:

Because the Smithsonian teaches children an evolutionary, millions-of-years fictional story about dinosaurs, we decided to use our new $1.5 million Allosaurus exhibit as the basis for this digital billboard outreach.

The folks at the Smithsonian should be ashamed to be teaching fiction to children. Hambo teaches The Truth. To prove it, he’s got a dino fossil that’s only a few thousand years old. Here’s more:

We want as many kids as possible to come to the Creation Museum this year and learn the truth about dinosaurs — instead of the fanciful stories told by evolutionists in their attempts to lead generations of kids away from the Bible.

Throwing up yet? Give it time, it’ll happen. Moving along:

This billboard outreach is just four blocks from the evolution-filled Smithsonian National Museum of Natural History and the National Mall. It is located across from the Smithsonian Art Museum and the busy Verizon Center. And it is less than one mile from White House.

BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Less than a mile from the White House! Maybe Obama will see the billboards and be inspired to visit to Hambo’s museum.

Then Hambo’s blog post has a video of the billboards. All three are adjacent, so the overall effect should be impressive. We haven’t watched the thing, but if you decide to do it, tell us what it’s all about.

This is where we’re going to leave Hambo, but his post goes on with an ad for his museum and then he thanks us for praying. Why does he do that? We’re not praying to him!

Copyright © 2014. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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33 responses to “Ken Ham’s New Billboard Campaign

  1. Mark Germano

    There are going to be a lot of young people that live and work in DC who will look at this billboard, look at each other, and say, “OMG, Srsly? WTF? SMH…”

    (BTW, SC, looks like you spelled adjacent incorrectly in the second to last paragrah.)

  2. Drat. Anonymous is me.

    [*Voice from above*] No one can hide from me.

  3. michaelfugate

    The Smithsonian Natural History Museum is free to all ages.
    The Creation Museum is $29.95 for adults and $15.95 free in 2014 for kids.

    30 bucks to be lied to when the truth is free?

  4. Mark Germano says: “SC, looks like you spelled adjacent incorrectly”

    Yeah. That was a last-minute change from “next to each other,” which made no sense with three of them.

  5. I would comment but while reading the vomit coated the keys and the head banging broke the remaining keys. Old Hambone could make a corpse vomit!!!!

  6. Charles Deetz ;)

    Checked out the video, that is actually a pretty lame setup. Those screens look like oversized HDTV screens, not billboards. And it runs less than 13 seconds and it is going to run 20 times an hour? That’s 4 minutes of visibility every hour … plenty for Hambo to crow about. I am posting a YouTube link here, just so you can see the screenshot of it:

  7. Hambo’s new billboard is predictably cheesey, and the people walking past it are, of course, ignoring it.

  8. I choke every time I hear the price of the entrance fee for Ham’s museum. Outrageous.

    Most museums are not very entertaining. You wander through a maze of dimly lit rooms, and spend a good share of the time reading placards with little tiny print. By the time you leave, you’re dead tired with aching feet and back. Though, hopefully, you found some items fascinating and learned a few things.

    30 bucks!!!! No way. Torture me first.

    My local natural history museum costs $7. And it’s free one Sunday a month.

  9. Derek Freyberg

    Ham thinks that (ALL OSAU RUS) will drag people 10 hours each way to pay $30 to see a plastic Eve kissing a dinosaur – good luck!

  10. “Voice From Above” @Mark Germano We will forgive this minor spelling error as we thought it was possibly an Anglicized version.

  11. @waldteufel Cheesy isn’t the word. The only things missing are an old Carny shouting “step right up…” and a grizzled old drunk with a bottle Old Tiger P**S in a paper bag sitting half conscious in the doorway.

  12. There’s almost nothing in the signs about the museum. Besides, you can see an even better fossil, a larger T-Rex, close by at the Smithsonian. Saying they have one dinosaur fossil isn’t exactly competitive to a museum full of them.

    They need to up their game. They should have signs advertising “Adam & Eve Bite The Apple – Totally Uncensored – New Show Every Hour” , or “Creation Museum – Tuesday Nite Ladies Free – Ride the Bucking Triceratops”, or “Sodom vs. Gomorrah Audience Participation Mud Wrestling – Saturday Nights Only.”

    These guys know nothing about marketing.

  13. Americans United doesn’t think much of the tax credits Ham and his ark project are getting:

  14. I used to live in Washington D.C. and can tell you Hambo is wasting his money. It seems to people who live there that every crackpot in the United States goes to the District to promote some wacky idea or point of view in the expectation that they will change the direction of the country. Washingtonians are so used to this that they will ignore Hambo’s billboard.

  15. Does the billboard emphasize that Ham and his gang think (or pretend to think) that the whole universe, earth, life and all, is only ~6000 years old? Or just a weasely denial of “evolutionary, millions-of-years fictional story about dinosaurs.”?

    The reason I ask ought to be crystal clear to regular readers. Ham is fully aware that only ~10% of adult Americans buy his particular version of Genesis in its entirety. But he knows that a much greater % share his weasely denial, and more still don’t but are nevertheless sympathetic to it.

  16. Holding The Line In Florida

    By the end of Hamhead’s first paragraph, I knew it was time to bring out the nuclear grade hip waders to be able to wade through that pile of fecal matter. I tried, but had to retreat. It was bottomless. Verily, the boy is becoming more crazed!

  17. Hambo’s museum is free on Christmas eve. The Smithsonian does try to guilt you into a donation whenever you buy something at the gift shop. Since I was paying $5 for some batteries that should have been $1, I figured I had “donated” enough.

  18. I sure have better things to do on Christmas Eve than go to a creationist museum. Even if I were a creationist, that would probably still be true.

  19. Ken Ham is sounding more and more like Fred Phelps of the Westboro Baptist Church, except that instead of railing against “fags” (Phelps’ term, not mine), he carries on about “secular, atheistic, evolutionary museums” and such.

    His billboard(s) won’t get more than two people (maybe three) to visit his Creation Museum.

  20. Well, the billboard was … underwhelming. I hope he paying a lot for it.

  21. To say the least and in DC he’s probably paying an arm and a leg. I hope.

  22. OMG SC !!!!!!!!!!!! This digital billboard is one block away from Eighth and I, Marine Barracks Washington DC. Time for an amphibious assault followed by a deportation of all hostile alien Hambononian scam artists.

  23. You gotta give the guy credit. He is one slick scam artist who knows how to appeal to the kiddies.,,excuse me I have to go retch.

  24. Vainglorious

    The Smithsonian should be thanking Ham for the free advertising. As Charles Deetz thoughtfully embedded above, except for the brief mention of Creation Museum on one screen at the end of the presentation, this looks like an ad for a Smithsonian exhibition.

  25. Dave Godfrey

    Although here in the UK we have our fair share of creationist idiots, none of them have access to the resources Mr Lie has. The chances of something like ‘The Amazing Osau’ display being erected in Leicester Square (which is roughly the same distance from the Natural History Museum as ‘The Amazing Osau’ is from the Smithsonian) are virtually nil. Thank Odin I live in a country where creationists don’t have access to the sort of cash and resources Mr Lie does.

  26. Ah, a legal challenge to Ham’s hiring practices: Ark park hiring targeted by church-state group

  27. I was thinking for the admission to Hambo’s museum you could get your own Canadian commemorative Tiktaalik coin:

  28. Hilarious: I was at 7th and H NW today, once exiting and once entering the Gallery Place Metro station. Didn’t even think to look up. And neither did anyone else.

    So Ken, to answery our question, “Yes, I was there! And I wasn’t in the least bit impressed. “

  29. @BlackWatch: Marine Barracks are 8th & I South East. The billboards are 7th and H NW. And these are not “billboards”; they are, in fact, large screen TVs. (Charles Deetz called it.) They’re above an AT&T shop at the entrance to Chinatown. Hambo had nothing to do with installing them. He’s simply leasing / renting time on them. Whoop-dee-doo!
    @Mark Germano: I thought the Gallery Place Metro exit was south at 7th and G? Or am I thinking of the wrong exit?

  30. Gary, Good news regarding its location.
    Guess the Marines will get to take a long
    lunch time run to pass by then. 🙂

  31. @Gary: There are two entrances to that station. I just happened to use the one Ken Ham is advertising on. If you look closely at the video posted by @Charles Deetz, you can see the Metro sign under the left-most screen.

  32. As far as the Smithsonian being free. Nominally yes. It is taxpayer funded. So if you pay taxes in the ol” US of A, then you have already paid your entrance fee to the Smithsonian. So for all you readers and taxpayers not in the DC area, I thank you. I greatly appreciate your contribution to my ability to attend great museums at a highly discounted rate (my own taxes paid).

  33. michaelfugate

    Really Tech? What are you making several mil? If $30 of your tax money goes to the Smithsonian, then you must be a CEO or did you win at Powerball?