Hey, Creationists: What About Ebola?

You know we don’t debate creationists, and you know why: Debating Creationists is Dumber Than Creationism. We don’t even want to talk to them. But it’s still fun to imagine such an encounter. So let’s assume that such a thing happens, and the subject is Ebola — a virus which is usually fatal to humans, and which has no known cure.

Creationists claim to know the reason for all things. Although they have no idea how to cure someone suffering from Ebola, and no way to develop a vaccine (they leave such things to godless scientists), creationists should at least be able to explain why Ebola exists.

But before we begin our imaginary conversation — which will be brief — we’ll give you a bit of news. This is from the website of Nature: Ebola virus mutating rapidly as it spreads. They say:

[Augustine Goba] his colleagues have now decoded the genetic sequences of 99 Ebola viruses collected from 78 patients during the first 24 days of the epidemic in Sierra Leone. The work, published online in Science, could help to inform the design of diagnostics, therapeutics and vaccines, says structural biologist Erica Ollmann Saphire of The Scripps Research Institute in La Jolla, California. “This paper is terrific,” she adds.

Here’s a link to the paper: Genomic surveillance elucidates Ebola virus origin and transmission during the 2014 outbreak. Back to Nature:

The Ebola epidemic in West Africa has already killed more than 1,400 people — including five of Goba’s co-authors from Kenema. The paper is dedicated to their memory.

Verily, this is a perfectly designed world. Let’s read on:

By comparing their data to the Guinean sequence data, Goba’s team confirmed that Ebola was probably imported to Sierra Leone by 12 people who attended the funeral in Guinea, and that the West African outbreak originated in a single event in which the virus passed from an animal into a person. Further comparisons suggest that the virus that caused the outbreak separated from those that caused past Ebola outbreaks about 10 years ago. It had accumulated more than 395 mutations between that time and June, when the researchers collected the last samples included in today’s analysis.


“The longer we allow the outbreak to continue, the greater the opportunity the virus has to mutate, and it’s possible that it will mutate into a form that would be an even greater threat than it is right now,” says Charles Chiu, an infectious-disease physician at the University of California, San Francisco.

Okay, that’s enough. Now let’s start the imaginary dialogue with a creationist. To be fair to the Discoveroids, we’ll treat them as they wish — in a different category from the bible-based creationists:

Curmudgeon: Can you explain why the Ebola virus exists?

Bible Creationist: Of course — it’s because of the original sin of Adam & Eve in the garden. We live in a sin-cursed world.

Discoveroid: The designer — blessed be he! — sometimes does things like that. You will note, however, that in spite of all those mutations, the intelligently designed virus is still Ebola. It hasn’t evolved into anything else.

Bible Creationist: Yeah, molecules to man evolution is a Satanic lie!

Curmudgeon: But why would this outbreak occur in Africa? What did those people do to deserve it?

Bible Creationist: We are all sinners. It’s a lesson to everyone. Repent!

Discoveroid: Our theory doesn’t attempt to explain why the designer does what he does. All we can do is point to the virus as clear evidence of intelligent design theory.

Curmudgeon: Okay, what should we do about it?

Bible Creationist: Repent!

Discoveroid: Abandon Darwinism!

That’s enough. We can’t endure even an imaginary dialogue with such people. If you want to suggest any further exchanges, feel free to tell us about it.

See also: AIG Can Solve the Ebola Problem.

Copyright © 2014. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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17 responses to “Hey, Creationists: What About Ebola?

  1. Charles Deetz ;)

    Is it possible to do this: 6000/10 * 395 = 237,000 = total number of potential mutations since god created ebola. This is kind of like counting generations in the bible. Now they just have to work backward with the gene sequences to see how many mutations ebola has had total.

  2. To our Curmudgeon’s imagined question about what to do about the Ebola virus, let’s not overlook another response:

    WND: Nothing! It is as the 4 Blood Moons foretold! We are all doomed! Dooooooommmmed!!!

  3. Doctor Stochastic

    Ebola evolved because Marburg wasn’t sincere enough or maybe conversely.

  4. I would say you POEed yourself but you are not even close being as psychotically silly as they could be.

  5. L.Long says: “I would say you POEed yourself”

    Yes, but it’s interesting that there’s a biological crisis out there, and the creationists — who claim to have such superior knowledge — have absolutely nothing to say about it.

  6. Remember how the Black Death was a severe blow to the Church as the people saw how they despite them supposedly being “Men from God” were powerless to stop it and were even falling to it?

  7. What a creationist should say is “the germ theory of disease is only a theory so the ebola virus can’t be proven to move from person to person as those evil epidemiologists claim. Abandon Jennerism and atheistic immunology! “

  8. And also, “were you there (in Sierra Leone or Guinea)?”

  9. @SC:

    No fair. How about “equal time” for the non-Biblical IDers? It should be easy starting with Behe’s 2nd book. You know, where the unnamed, intelligent, possibly deceased (per Behe’s Dover testimony) designer gave us the malaria parasite.

  10. D’Oh, never mind. Note to Frank: read the whole post first.

  11. Another question for your imaginary Creationist conversationalists:

    Curmudgeon: One of the bowls in front of you is filled with Shinola. The other is filled with [beep beep booped out]. Can you tell which is which?

  12. @Megalonyx:

    (this is contagious)

    Biblical Creationist: You tell me. Were you there?
    Discoveroid: It’s not ID’s task to connect dots.

  13. A virus is not a living thing.
    You evolutionists keep telling us that evolution is solely about populations of living things. (Such as the defense against abiogenesis.) But when it fits your agenda, you are willing to conveniently forget that.

  14. More voices chime in on our Curmudgeon’s Platonic dialogue:

    Rev. Rives: Truly, the pathogens declare the slurry of God!

  15. And:

    IDiots: In the current ‘outbreak’, there have been a mere 1,552 fatalities, which works out as a very scientificy-looking percentage, out of a global human population of 7,257,252,531, of an infinitesimally small 2.138550358238870549783821488463e-5 %. It should therefore be manifestly obvious, by simple inspection alone, that the probability of any one individual dying of Ebola is mathematically impossible.

    Ergo: no one has or ever could die from Ebola, it is all a ‘just-so story’ whipped up by the godless Darwinist conspiracy to further their atheistical agenda of mandatory abortion, compulsory homosexual marriage, unbridled licentiousness, Communism, Nazism, and the sacrifice of human children on the blood-stained altars of Baal!.

  16. Oopsie! Figure for Ebola victims in first line is missing a digit: should be 1,552.

    If not too heavily engaged in validating the rest of my flawless calculations about, it would be a great boon if the Great Heavenly Math Corrector could reach down and amend the above error accordingly. Tibi ago gratias, Domine!

    [*Voice from above*] You never cease to blunder, and I never fail to indulge you. Ours is an asymmetrical relationship, as expected between one such as I and a lowly Earth-dwelling descendant of worms.

  17. Curmudgeon to Bible creationist ; “Can you explain why the Ebola virus has gone through so much mutation and so many changes in such a short period of time?”
    Intelligent Design Proponent “Clearly the designer is manipulating events on an unprecedented scale”” His plans are clear”
    Creationist “God created man and the universe in only six days. You shouldn’t be surprised. The end is near”
    Ken Ham ” drool”
    Morris ” Send $10,000 and I’ll answer that question”
    Mike Fair ” Somebody cooked up a bad batch of shrimp and grits and satan poisoned it , spreading the illness among the heathen evolutionists”
    The Gerbil ” Send me another year’s supply of nuts and seeds and I’ll answer that question”
    Cairn Energy Senegal ” Miraculously, our string of dry holes has been caused by unfortunate risk management viruses. Send money”
    Baghdad Bob “What Ebola virus? There is no Ebola virus ! Sierra Leone is virus freel”
    Lousiana State Representative ” Who dat? Ebola is composed of molecules.
    And molecules don’t mutate. Read our science guidelines again”.
    Don McLeRoy ” I want my job back as SBOE Chariman (unapproved by the state senate). Then I’ll explain why Ebola exists”.