Creationist Wisdom #495: True Science

Today’s letter-to-the-editor appears in the Daily Journal of Park Hills, Missouri. The letter is titled Speaking of evolution. There’s a comments section at the end, with no comments so far.

Today’s writer isn’t a politician, preacher, or other public figure, so we won’t use her full name. Her first name is Jennie. Excerpts from her letter will be enhanced with our Curmudgeonly commentary and some bold font for emphasis. Here we go!

Speaking of evolution, it has been said that “not incorporating scientific discovery into Christian theology turns people from God,” suggesting Christians refuse to accept “scientific discoveries” because they feel their power and pride would be threatened and diminished by these discoveries.

Power and pride are undoubtedly motives for some creationists. But Jennie’s thoughts are pure, and she has reasons of her own. She says:

Hogwash. I don’t think power is one of my gifts, but if God chooses to endow me with power, I don’t think a man fashioned around a pig’s tooth is going to diminish it.

BWAHAHAHAHAHA! That’s a reference to Nebraska Man, a misidentified fossil that was swiftly reclassified. Jennie is still arguing about that one. But she’s right about one thing — lust for power isn’t her problem. As for pride, let’s read on:

I will agree though my pride would certainly be hurt if you called my grandma a gorilla. In fact, take my word now that I wouldn’t take it kindly. Call your own grandma what you want to, but don’t insult mine please.

There is a touch of pride here, but it’s understandable. Jennie ain’t no kin to no monkey! She continues:

It is your privilege to make your own choices, as far as you are able to do so. I might mention that true science reflects and proves the word of God to be true. If you think otherwise, I can understand why you choose not to follow God, when He can’t even get it right about how people came to be and what we’re here for.

Yes, true science proves the bible is true. And what is the test that enables you to know whether science is true science? [*Curmudgeon pauses to stress the importance of this point*] It agrees with the bible! Here’s more:

But, wait a minute, I’ve got a question: Do people who came by way of primordial soup and primates even have a soul? If so, how did that happen to evolve? When did this come to be? Do you expect to see furry souls swinging on grape vines in Heaven?

Jennie has spotted evolution’s biggest problem — the evolution of the soul. Moving along:

Yes, you can choose which side you’re on, but you can’t have it both ways. Richard Dawkins himself said he didn’t see how anybody could believe in God if they believed in evolution. Richard is one of the highest “authorities” on shoring up the shaking sand of evolution; alive and well even as we speak, but his day will come, as will ours.

Dawkins’ day will come — and he’ll find himself in the Lake of Fire. Jennie knows! Another excerpt:

My best advice to anyone is to go with God, the one who was there at the beginning, is with us now, and will be The One who will be with us forever and ever.

Hey, that’s great advice! And here’s how the letter ends:

My second best advice would be go to the zoo as often as you can and see if you can spot any evolution going on there, and please let me know if you do.

Wow — she’s right! There’s no evolution at the zoo. What a great letter!

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14 responses to “Creationist Wisdom #495: True Science

  1. It is your privilege to make your own choices, as far as you are able to do so. I might mention that true science reflects and proves the word of God to be true. If you think otherwise, I can understand why you choose not to follow God, when He can’t even get it right about how people came to be and what we’re here for.

    This assumes, of course, that the Bible really is the Word of God, directly dictated by Him to his Hebrew stenographers here on Earth and all right-thinking (i.e., theologically conservative) translators thereafter. And the proof if this notion is . . . doggone it, it was here just a minute ago . . . well, anyway, just take our word for it.

  2. And there is much more in the Bible about the fixity of the Earth than there is about the fixity of species.

  3. Our Jennie opines “I might mention that true science reflects and proves the word of God to be true”. Well, I agree with her. Yesterday I did an experiment and the result was… that Yours truly here is in fact God. I was surprised, so I repeated it and blow me, the same result. I am God.

    Makes about as much sense as her letter.

  4. I thought pride was a sin, yet here she is proud as could be in her ignorance.

  5. I am hoping that our own Tundra Boy can tell me if, in the frozen wastelands of the North there is as much excitement as here in the UK over our Curmudgeon’s approachng milestone?

    I refer, of course, to the long-anticipated Creationist Wisdom #500, which should be arriving any day now!

  6. Once again, our Curmudgeon has unearthed a lovely bit of authentic rural American willful ignorance and frontier gibberish! We’ll done.

  7. Jennie directs—

    “My second best advice would be go to the zoo as often as you can and see if you can spot any evolution going on there, and please let me know if you do.”

    And thus, for want of a buffalo turning into a bat, are countless brain-years, oodles of observations and tons of evidence refuted at a stroke.

    Such xyresic brilliance is not to be trifled with.

  8. @Con-Tester: As you probably know, when Jennie goes to the zoo to look for evolution, she’ll undoubtedly look in the wrong places. I’d bet that a good microbiologist could find plenty of evolution of the bacteria and archaea in the animals’ guts and around the cages compared to the wild-type versions.

  9. ‘My best advice to anyone is to go with God,’
    In that she is right and I do do so…The difference is my gawd is intelligent and expects me to THINK and use reason to discover the world and all its wonders. And it is not so small minded that it needs me to bang my head on the floor while showing it my ass and screaming about how awesome it is. It expects me to use my life fully and not spend it worrying about unknowns like what happens when dead. And I know this true the same way she does…cuz I say so.

  10. Charles Deetz ;)

    @Megalonyx The 500 milestone is coming? From frozen Michigan I nominate to the CS the ‘Megan Fox at the Field Museum’ video going around for a special #500. That would certainly be a special event.

  11. @Charles Deetz 😉
    One might celebrate that with an appropriate recognition for the one claiming the longest time watching the video. I found about 2 minutes to be unbearable.

  12. You know my drill: Writers of these letters are “transitional fossils” between clueless evolution-deniers-on-the-street and in-on-the-scam anti-evolution activists. They are <0.01% of the population, and curiously, ~95% male. Jennie is thus very rare. I confess that I only read SC's excerpt, not the whole letter. But I see the name "Richard Dawkins" and don/t see any names like Ken Miller or Francis Collins. Nor do I see any clue of what Jennie’s alternate “theory” is, not even an order-of-magnitude for how many years life has existed on earth. So unless there’s an even more rare “fossil” in the part that SC did not excerpt, I think we have another one on the fast track toward total awareness that she’s selling snake oil.

  13. Of course your Grandma isn’t a gorilla, Jennie. Your letter shows that the genes she passed down to you are proof that the intelligence of gorillas way outstrip yours.

  14. @toeragmctavish
    One can always point out that that there are undoubtedly people who one is ashamed of being related to – Torquemada, for example – people who are, unfortunately, more closely related to us than is Binti Jua, for example.

    But what this kind of statement does for me is to reinforce my feeling that the real reason for the rejection of evolutionary biology is pithecophobia.