The wonderment never ends. Prepare yourself to be dazzled, dear reader, as you read the latest from Answers in Genesis (AIG), the creationist ministry of Ken Ham (ol’ Hambo) — the Australian entrepreneur who has become the ayatollah of Appalachia, famed for the infamous, mind-boggling Creation Museum.
Look what we found at the AIG website: How Did the People and Animals Leave the Ark? There’s no indication of who wrote it, but that’s not important. What is important is that AIG is asking — and answering! — one of the deepest questions of all time.
Don’t worry about how the animals arrived at the Ark, or how they survived their hellish year-long confinement therein, or how they dispersed around the world when the Flood subsided, or how — after a mere 4,000 years — today’s millions of species descended from those relatively few survivors. Stop troubling yourself over trivial questions.
What’s really important is how they all climbed out of the Ark when the Flood was finished. Be prepared to be enlightened, dear reader. Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us and most of the scripture references omitted:
The Bible simply declares that Noah, his family, and the animals went out of the Ark, but it does not give the details. The most natural exit for the Ark would have been the door built into the side of the Ark. Some people have objected to the door as a possibility since the Bible states that the Lord shut them in. This thinking has led people to propose two other options.
[*Curmudgeon swoons*] Oooooooooooh, oooooooooh! What are those two options?
Genesis 8:13 reveals that Noah removed the covering of the Ark. Could they have exited via the top of the ship, assuming the covering was at the top? While this would work fine for the flying creatures on board, it would be a logistical nightmare for the larger land animals. Also, we are not sure what the covering of the Ark was — the word only appears in this verse..
We have to quote that verse — it’s important! Here it is, King James version, of course:
And it came to pass in the six hundredth and first year, in the first month, the first day of the month, the waters were dried up from off the earth: and Noah removed the covering of the ark, and looked, and, behold, the face of the ground was dry.
Wow — the Ark had a covering! You didn’t know that, did you? Where else could you learn such things? And there’s more:
Still others have supposed that Noah had constructed some sort of tool that could cut through the Ark’s hull.
A tool? Yes, Noah could have done that — if he had brought a machine shop with him on the Ark. We think it’s more likely that he used his wife to create an exit. She had probably spent the whole voyage shoveling elephant poop overboard and screaming: “Lemme outta here! How do I get outta here?” She must have been hopelessly insane by the time the waters subsided, so Noah and his sons could have used her as a battering ram — head first — to knock down any barrier in their way. Let’s read on:
Nothing in the text rules out the door as the exit. The interior of the Ark was designed for the entering of animals to reach their enclosures from the door, so it makes sense that they could simply leave the way they entered. If the door was on the second floor, as will be depicted at our Ark Encounter in northern Kentucky, an interior ramp could have been repurposed for external use.
How very ingenious! Noah and the animals had to exit somehow, so the way they got in could have been “repurposed” as the way out of their poop-filled prison. That seems like a viable possibility. Those AIG creation scientists are so creative! Their article continues:
While we may not know the location of the Ark’s exit, we do know that Noah, his family, and the animals safely left the Ark, just as Scripture states.
Yes, of course. Otherwise, none of us would be here, right?
The rest of the AIG article is a pitch for their Ark Encounter project. After reading today’s article, your desire to donate will be irresistible.
Copyright © 2015. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.