Answers in Genesis Explains an Ark Mystery

The wonderment never ends. Prepare yourself to be dazzled, dear reader, as you read the latest from Answers in Genesis (AIG), the creationist ministry of Ken Ham (ol’ Hambo) — the Australian entrepreneur who has become the ayatollah of Appalachia, famed for the infamous, mind-boggling Creation Museum.

Look what we found at the AIG website: How Did the People and Animals Leave the Ark? There’s no indication of who wrote it, but that’s not important. What is important is that AIG is asking — and answering! — one of the deepest questions of all time.

Don’t worry about how the animals arrived at the Ark, or how they survived their hellish year-long confinement therein, or how they dispersed around the world when the Flood subsided, or how — after a mere 4,000 years — today’s millions of species descended from those relatively few survivors. Stop troubling yourself over trivial questions.

What’s really important is how they all climbed out of the Ark when the Flood was finished. Be prepared to be enlightened, dear reader. Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us and most of the scripture references omitted:

The Bible simply declares that Noah, his family, and the animals went out of the Ark, but it does not give the details. The most natural exit for the Ark would have been the door built into the side of the Ark. Some people have objected to the door as a possibility since the Bible states that the Lord shut them in. This thinking has led people to propose two other options.

[*Curmudgeon swoons*] Oooooooooooh, oooooooooh! What are those two options?

Genesis 8:13 reveals that Noah removed the covering of the Ark. Could they have exited via the top of the ship, assuming the covering was at the top? While this would work fine for the flying creatures on board, it would be a logistical nightmare for the larger land animals. Also, we are not sure what the covering of the Ark was — the word only appears in this verse..

We have to quote that verse — it’s important! Here it is, King James version, of course:

And it came to pass in the six hundredth and first year, in the first month, the first day of the month, the waters were dried up from off the earth: and Noah removed the covering of the ark, and looked, and, behold, the face of the ground was dry.

Wow — the Ark had a covering! You didn’t know that, did you? Where else could you learn such things? And there’s more:

Still others have supposed that Noah had constructed some sort of tool that could cut through the Ark’s hull.

A tool? Yes, Noah could have done that — if he had brought a machine shop with him on the Ark. We think it’s more likely that he used his wife to create an exit. She had probably spent the whole voyage shoveling elephant poop overboard and screaming: “Lemme outta here! How do I get outta here?” She must have been hopelessly insane by the time the waters subsided, so Noah and his sons could have used her as a battering ram — head first — to knock down any barrier in their way. Let’s read on:

Nothing in the text rules out the door as the exit. The interior of the Ark was designed for the entering of animals to reach their enclosures from the door, so it makes sense that they could simply leave the way they entered. If the door was on the second floor, as will be depicted at our Ark Encounter in northern Kentucky, an interior ramp could have been repurposed for external use.

How very ingenious! Noah and the animals had to exit somehow, so the way they got in could have been “repurposed” as the way out of their poop-filled prison. That seems like a viable possibility. Those AIG creation scientists are so creative! Their article continues:

While we may not know the location of the Ark’s exit, we do know that Noah, his family, and the animals safely left the Ark, just as Scripture states.

Yes, of course. Otherwise, none of us would be here, right?

The rest of the AIG article is a pitch for their Ark Encounter project. After reading today’s article, your desire to donate will be irresistible.

Copyright © 2015. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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45 responses to “Answers in Genesis Explains an Ark Mystery

  1. Yes, but when is AiG going to tell us how many angels can dance on the head of a pin?

  2. Wait! So AiG is saying that I can go of my house, through the same door I come in through?!?!?!?!

    Holy Cow!?!? How did I ever live without that piece of information?

    I’m gonna go try it right now.

    Mind totally blown. It works!!!!!! You guys need to try that! Seriously, it’s awesome. Who knew?

  3. OgreMkV says: “Mind totally blown. It works!!!!!!”

    Hey, it works for the bathroom too. This is amazing!

  4. Charles Deetz ;)

    So the ding-dong who wrote this only brings up more problems to their tall tale. That even using the original door has potential problems. And that there was a ‘covering’ tight enough that Noah had to remove it to look outside, only makes me wonder about how well ventilated the ark was, let alone getting some daylight in there.

    Oh yea, that brings up lighting … how the heck did they get enough lighting in the boat to see the poop, let alone scoop it. Another problem for these guys building a replica to have ready answers made up for.

    That is their biggest problem with the the Encounter project … having pat answers for all the questions a nine-year-old kid is going to ask.

  5. Hang on, hang on! There is no Scriptural reference to “door”, and–as AiG so sagely point out, all we have (at Gen 8:13) is a “covering” of the Ark. And that couldn’t have been on the side, as it just wouldn’t have been a water-tight seal. Yet we know–because it is impossible to doubt Scripture–that the Ark was perfectly ocean-worthy.

    I think that our analysis here should make it clear that Noah & sons built the Ark in a small canyon–small enough that it filled the little canyon rim to rim. Loading was simple: Noah must have laid out little trails of various foods (such as little nibbles of cheese for the mice and rats, and little chunks of diced mice to draw the cats, &c.), and the animals, mindlessly gobbling up those little trails of food, simply toppled into the Ark! And it may well have been Noah’s failure to lay out such a little trail of tasty Unicorn nibbles that explains why we no longer have those magnificent creatures.

    In any event, with the Ark now laden with animals, it was simply a matter of fitting the top with a cover, as Gen 8:13 explicity states, and then awaiting the Flood–which of course would have lifted the Ark free from the little canyon in which it had been constructed and permitted it to float unharmed on the briny waves.

    Disembarking is even simpler. When the flood waters receded, they deposited the round-keeled Ark on a piece of flatish land, the whole thing simply rolls on to its side, and everything simply pours out–animals, poop, the Noah family, and all.

    This theory, which is simple, logical, and endorsed by Scripture, I hereby declare to be THE TRVTH.

  6. Megalonyx dares to say: “This theory, which is simple, logical, and endorsed by Scripture, I hereby declare to be THE TRVTH.”

    I donno. I have long believed that the accumulated poop was probably put to good use. Mrs. Noah’s main job of removing the stuff would have been made simpler if she didn’t have to get rid of all of it. She could have dug slanted tunnels through it, and then the creatures would have easily emerged through the tunnels — thus using the poop as a natural stairway.

  7. Is it possible that the folks at AIG just don’t realize how ridiculous this sort of article makes them look, like comic-book geeks who obsess and argue over the burning question of how Superman shaves? Is the fantasy that gripping a thing?

  8. Eddie Janssen

    I don’t know the exact meaning of ‘covering’ but in the Statenvertaling (the Dutch equivalent of the King James; 1634) it says: “toen deed Noach het deksel der ark af” where ‘deksel’ means lid.
    That sounds pretty weird.

  9. aturingtest raises

    the burning question of how Superman shaves

    Crikey! I’d never worried about that before.

    …I was going to spend this evening just putting the finishing touches to my definitive and paradigm-shifting Unified Field Theory–,,,but now! Jeepers…

  10. It appears to me the guys at AiG use different doors for entrance and exit so much such that to discover they can use the same door for both becomes newsworthy

  11. makagutu observes: “It appears to me the guys at AiG use different doors for entrance and exit so much such that to discover they can use the same door for both becomes newsworthy”

    It could be related to their opposition to, ah, certain unconventional relationships, but I’d rather not think about it.

  12. This has a ring of truth around it but I will leave it at that

  13. michaelfugate

    Megalonyx – that can’t be true because there is no magic. Without the need for magic, there is no need for God and if there is no need for God, well you know what that leads to. And AiG wouldn’t want to go there.

  14. the burning question of how Superman shaves

    With a kryptonite blade… very carefully (and quickly).

    But now, back to the serious (snicker!) question of how animals disembarked the ark. Since we’re talking miracles here, perhaps God gave them all temporary wings, similar to swarming termites.

    Oh! Oh! Maybe that’s it — termites! By the time the rain stopped and the water receded, the termites had finally eaten their way through the gopher wood. Yeah! That’s it! And the animals just walked on out.

  15. Answering aturingtest’s puzzler – I suspect that he handled the matter much like the frozen logger:
    Who “never shaved his whiskers
    From off of his horny hide.
    He just pounded them in with a hammer,
    And bit them off inside.

  16. Yes, Turingtest, that’s possible. Another example that will blow your mind:

    http://creation.com/how-did-all-the-animals-fit-on-noahs-ark

    “This article has shown that the Bible can be trusted on testable matters like Noah’s Ark.”
    This is the guy:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jonathan_Sarfati

  17. michaelfugate

    Here’s one that interests me – what happened to the animals in the oceans, lakes, rivers, etc.? They aren’t included in the list of animals to be destroyed in Gen 6:7 and they weren’t on the ark according to Gen 6:19-20. Was God not angry with them? If not, why not? If so, how did God off them? Was the dilution of seawater supposed to disrupt osmoregulation?

    Perhaps the crack scientists apologists at AiG have answered this.

  18. So Hambo is now trying to read the mind of God? How blasphemous! If He had wanted Ham to know, he would have put it in the book! He would have added details on where the door or lid was located, how it was attached, how Noah (or his wife, or son, or whomever) opened it, how it remained sealed for the entire year, and how the animals left.
    That also goes for how the animals disbursed over the earth, how they “got busy” so that the few hundred animals became the many millions we have today in just a few thousand years, and how they changed from the few “kinds” on the ark to many, many species we have today.
    No, we need to stick to our science and leave the blasphemy to Ham and his “kind”.

  19. Well, I’m glad I didn’t raise the thorny issue of where Aquaman goes to the bathroom.

  20. If the ark had a door, it would have hinges on the bottom, and would lower like a ramp, similar to a ferry. The animals would have simply walked out. (Presumably Noah would have given the prey animals several days head start.) Sure, God would have had to seal it shut to make it watertight and keep Noah from accidentally opening it in one of his drinking bouts, but if God closed it – he could have opened it again when the Ark grounded on the mountain. (yet another challenge for the animals – they are let loose on a mountain top). After all, God needed a sacrifice, so he pretty much had to open the ark so Noah could cook up something for him.

  21. I’ll get back with you Hambo, I’ve gotta rewatch Fantasia 2000 with the Donald Duck as Noah short.

  22. michaelfugate

    After all, God needed a sacrifice, so he pretty much had to open the ark so Noah could cook up something for him.

    Which of course makes one wonder why Jesus was crucified and wasn’t burned on the temple altar…..

  23. One must be smitten by the holy spirit to understand things like coverings and firmaments. Ol’ Hambo needs to pray more earnestly about these important matters.

  24. Rikki_Tikki_Taalik

    Nothing in the text rules out the door as the exit.

    Nothing rules out catapults either. Like really long range catapults that put the marsupials in Australia.

    Just sayin’.

  25. @Mark Germano: One word: Brilliant!

    (Funny Ham didn’t think of that.)

  26. Hey, guess what?
    blogs.answersingenesis.org/blogs/ken-ham/2015/02/12/darwin-was-wrong-day-a-hit/

    I guess Ham does read this blog after all!

    Here is one of my favorite quotes from a secularist’s blog that made me smile: “Once again, as so often before, ol’ Hambo [me] is furious. We imagine that he’s red in the face, foaming at the mouth, and rolling around chewing the carpet.” This is just one of many of the posts that mock me and our position here at AiG. Many of these same secularists respond to just about everything we write/post from Answers in Genesis. I can’t help but think many of these people are so obsessed with Answers in Genesis, and are so convicted and conflicted in their souls, that they seem to live for just trying to publicly speak against anything we print.
    Wonder what Ham would say then about his obsession with: evolution, how xians are always being “persecuted” by the “secular media”, etc?

  27. About Sarfati:
    –http://rationalwiki.org/wiki/Sarfati

    –my own run in with him:
    http://www.skepticfriends.org/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=13639

  28. Holding The Line In Florida

    In all the comments I find one glaring omission. Where did Noah keep the beer? What kind was it? Lager, Ale, Pilsner, Hefe Wiser? How much did he carry? Did he brew his own or was it God’s Special Brew, or brewed under special license? You know he and the crew had to have it. Imagine a year cooped up with all that Hambone conjectures without the presence of Liquid Bread? While Scripture is silent upon the topic, I think The Hamster should be able to answer the pressing question. Inquiring and thirsty minds want to know!

  29. Holding the Line, Nah Noah was into wine.

  30. Laughed my @$$ off at the article and comments, thanks everyone!

  31. Just occurred to me, Noah borrowed Wile E. Coyote’s portable hole.

  32. TheMolinistApprentice

    Charles Deetz said: “That is their biggest problem with the the Encounter project … having pat answers for all the questions a nine-year-old kid is going to ask.”

    I’ve wondered about this for a long time. Has Hambo considered that actually showing the public a full-sized Noah’s Ark is going to serve to draw attention to all sorts of engineering and logistical problems that have always been obvious to experts but will suddenly be evident to all?

    Yes, at first Hambo’s Ark will seem huge. But once people go inside and start thinking about how much space would be needed just to accommodate structural supports and little details like food storage and fresh water storage. I think that people who just hadn’t given much thought to the realities of ark building and operation are going to leave the tourist trap with impressions opposite of what Hambo intended.

    Perhaps many Christians going back to their motel at the end of the day are going to say:

    “Dr. Hugh Ross and other Old Earth Creationists may be correct when they point out that the Bible never says that the flood was global. A regional flood would only involve the animals of that area where Noah would need to get a new start after the flood. There’s just no way every kind of animal on the planet would fit in such a modest structure.”

    Yes, eventually they will realize that there are still many problems to be addressed even with that smaller scope for the flood. But people tend to change long-held positions very slowly and in stages.

  33. The Flood, of course, was composed of fresh water – it all came from rain and the fountains of the deep, which were fresh, like springs. So water storage wasn’t a problem for the Ark. The oceans only gradually turned saline, from river run-off. (This is yet another illustration of the effects of the Fall.)

    Now, let’s see. That leaves only a few questions, like, “Where did all the water come from, and where did it all go?”, “Why did nobody else ever build a wooden ship of that size that could actually stay afloat?” and “Why are you bothering with this, when God can do anything, and you don’t need to look for a natural explanation for it?”

    Details, really.

  34. Dave Luckett skirts—

    Details, really.

    Yeah, and you-know-who is in those, so why are the AiGsters chasing him…? 😈

  35. While we may not know the location of the Ark’s exit, we do know that Noah, his family, and the animals safely left the Ark, just as Scripture states.

    And how do we know? Because it says so in Scripture, of course.

    Most “Bahble-believin’ Christians” wouldn’t accept such circular reasoning on almost anything else. But when it comes to the Bahble, they start with the assumption that it’s true, then twist logic and evidence to arrive at the conclusion that it’s true. Q.E.D.!

    Note: the above comment isn’t meant to disparage the Bible or Christians. (Wouldn’t want to bring down the wrath of the Faith Police, after all!) The Bible is valuable as a guide to morality, if one strips away the miracles (as Thomas Jefferson did in his edition of the Scriptures, infuriating zealots of his era) and takes account of its being written thousands of years ago, when among other things nobody dreamed of abolishing the essential and God-ordained institution of slavery. The fundies have simply hijacked it, along with the name “Christian,” which they use as though they were the only ones who qualify.

  36. @Eric Lipps

    safely

    Just to be nit-picking about this, the Bible does not say that that they safely left the Ark. True, there is no reason to think that there were any incidents. Other than Noah sacrificing all of the clean animals. Or the thing about Noah getting drunk. But if we’re going to let the Bible be our guide and not put words into the sacred text ..

  37. I still say it was termites. Oh — and shipworms. Yeah, that’s it — termites ate from within while the shipworms bore in from outside.

    Oh, wait — did anyone mention woodpeckers? They could make short work of gopher wood. Ever see the size of the holes that Pileated Woodpeckers make? And Noah would have had the now-extinct Ivory-billed Woodpeckers on board as well; another big species.

    Well, how Noah and his menagerie exited the ark aside, does Ham have a pat answer for why there are different races of humans on the planet, if we are all supposedly descendants of Noah?

  38. RSG the different races occured by the same mechanism that the limited number of “kinds” turned into all the variety of species we have today. It works by means of the Thaumaturgically Assisted Rapid Devolutionary Speciation or “T.A.R.D.S”

  39. Charles Deetz ;)

    @retiredsciguy I challenge your theories as hokem! It was gopher-wood, so who better than the two (or seven) gopher-kinds aboard to gnaw an appropriate exit.

  40. @retiredsciguy asks why there are different races of humans

    Noah’s three sons were the ancestors of the three major races: Ham, the Africans; Shem, the Asians; Japheth, the Europeans.

  41. aturingtest:
    “Where the fish poop, there poop I.” Aquaman

  42. RSG should know that there weren’t multiple species of woodpeckers on the Ark. Noah only needed two of the woodpecker kind to fulfill his mission.

    Also: beavers. Beavers could have helped make exits for the animals. Although, I think my zipline theory has legs….

  43. TomS: “Noah’s three sons were the ancestors of the three major races: Ham, the Africans; Shem, the Asians; Japheth, the Europeans.”

    Thanks, Tom. It all makes perfect sense now. But how do the creationists account for the Australian Aborigines?

  44. Mark, since Ken Ham is a regular reader here, don’t be surprised if he steals your idea and moves his zipline from the Creation Museum to the Ark Encounter. He’ll have to beef it up a bit, though, to handle the elephants, rhinos, hippos, obese creationists, etc.