Creationist Wisdom #525: Evolution Leads to Hell

You think you’re pretty smart, don’t you? Well let’s see if you can handle this one. Today’s letter-to-the-editor appears in the Marietta Times of Marietta, Ohio. It’s titled An argument for creationism.

There’s no author’s name and no comments feature, so we don’t know what this thing is, but we’ll treat it as if it were just another letter — but it’s so much more! Excerpts will be enhanced with our Curmudgeonly commentary and some bold font for emphasis. Here we go!

A few weeks ago while reading an article entitled Spirituality and Science on the Focus On Faith page, I recalled the following Bible verse. “keep that which is committed to thy trust, avoiding profane and vain babblings, and oppositions (empty philosophies) of science falsely so called.” (I Timothy 6:20) … . Therefore, while meaning no offense, I must address both the vain babblings and pseudo science found throughout said article.

Throughout the letter, the author has lots of scripture quotes and references (which we’ll omit from now on), and he also inserts his own — often weird — definitions of terms, which is something we haven’t seen before. Then he says:

In that article the definition of spirituality was explained as dealing ‘with the sacred (respected) and transcendent (inspiring) and is not necessarily the same as religion’. With this definition in mind, spirituality is basically a personal philosophy of life rooted in nature, social commitments and good deeds, having little connection to religion, and definitely very little, if any, connection to God and Christianity!

Judging from the author’s definitions, he doesn’t understand English very well. How can spirituality deal with the transcendent, yet be “rooted in nature”? We won’t worry about it. Let’s read on:

The aforementioned article stated that open-minded people discover enlightened spirituality through facts discovered in the field of science, although they assume there are no final answers or inerrant truths to be found. As I continued reading, the reason for their assumption was made quite clear, and I quote – “An example of how science enriches (improves/enhances) spirituality is the case of evolution.”

Oh dear — evolution! Now it gets interesting. The unknown author continues:

There’s the answer! Many spiritual seekers are gladly walking lockstep with a false scientific theory that reeks of humanistic and atheistic babblings. Evolution was built on nothing but bones, rocks and fossils, and is in a continual state of flux due to its ever-changing timelines, erroneous carbon dating techniques, wrongly categorized skulls and bones and proven hoaxes.

Good, huh? Here’s more:

Not one transitional fossil has been unearthed to acknowledge the process of past evolution. No wonder there are no answers or indisputable truths. Evolution is simply a theory despite the scientists who endorse it! Evolution is anti-God, anti-Christ, anti-God’s Word and anti-common sense!

We like a letter-writer who doesn’t hold anything back. Moving along:

But? there is a doctrine, NOT a theory, that will provide final answers and inerrant truths for those who are seriously seeking genuine spiritually far beyond some personal philosophy.

Oooooooooooh! What is this wondrous doctrine that provides final answers and inerrant truths? Brace yourself, dear reader:

This doctrine is Creationism! Creationism is the unyielding, steadfast fundamental doctrine of genuine biblical Christianity, yes, Christianity, not religion! Unlike evolution, creationism unlocks the ‘mystery’ of creation, and discloses astounding scientific facts that only God, the Architect of all of creation, could have known thousands of years prior to them being discovered, and proven 100% accurate!

[*Curmudgeon weeps tears of joy*] Another excerpt:

Creationism and evolution are heaven and hell apart. Creationism has a loving, but just God! Evolution has the Big Bang.

[*Curmudgeon’ tears are uncontrollable*]

God created man with whom to share a relationship. Evolution made man by accident. Creationism offers Heaven and everlasting life. [Scripture quote.] Evolution has nothing to offer except eternal damnation.

We can’t take much more of this. Let’s skip to the end:

We need to stop searching for fossils and digging for bones! Instead, we must dig for and uncover inerrant truths in the rich ‘soil’ of God’s Divine Word! There we will find the Savior, Jesus Christ who will lead us to Heaven! Belief in evolution leads only to Hell!

So there you are, dear reader. Now let’s see if you can handle The Truth.

Copyright © 2015. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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20 responses to “Creationist Wisdom #525: Evolution Leads to Hell

  1. It’s hard to deny the obvious truth. Theology evolves, and that evolution is what gave us the concept of hell.

  2. Oh great Crum-guy, just when we thought you had found the most delusional item in the universe (“AIG: The Bible’s Divine Origin Is Undeniable”), you unearth another at least as crazy (from another of the multiuniverses, perhaps). I’m not sure how you can stand reading all this stuff, but I do appreciate and applaud your efforts.

  3. With arguments like that…Well I’m convinced (*deletes Sensuous Curmudgeon from Internet favorites*)

  4. Reading this, I couldn’t help but wonder whether or not this was just poorly written satire. It hurts my brain to imagine someone out there clueless enough to write so many erroneous statements in one letter. Then again, there are definitely people who think like this.

  5. As Hell’s a’poppin, the only species more certain than a single theory evangelist is a Chicago Cubs baseball fan.

  6. “we must dig for and uncover inerrant truths in the rich ‘soil’ of God’s Divine Word! ” And just exactly what type of shovel is used for this??? Most likely the same one I used on the farm for moving dung around.

  7. The usual drivel, complete with the worn-out erroneous claims about “erroneous carbon-dating techniques,” “not one transitional fossil,” and “proven hoaxes.”

    Concerning the last, creatonists prefer not to mention the Paluxy tracks, since it appears that they were altered to create the impression that humans and dinosaurs coexisted. (Personally, even if they were genuine I’d take it as more likely to be evidence of time travel than proof of creationism, but that’s just me.)

  8. Charles Deetz ;)

    This is one of those ‘I’d believe two plus two equals five if it said it in the bible’ types of creationists.

  9. Stephen Kennedy

    This letter writer seems to be unusually irrational and fanatical but if you have the stomach for it, go to the AIG facebook page and read some of the drivel that Hambo’s followers write. You will find that this letter is pretty typical of what your average slack jawed, walking around drooling creationist actually believes.

    I often wonder how people like this muster the effort to go through life and maintain such ignorance as this.

  10. The usual caveats. If this is not a troll or a poe, and if the writer actually believes this, then we have evidence of a problem: that there exists an identifiable demographic of actively delusional people who write letters to the paper and vote.

    Now, we always knew that. There are people who have been abducted by aliens, people who converse with dead relatives, people who have been to heaven – all sorts of people who reject, ignore or deny reality in favour of a richly imagined fantasy construct. Sure. The problem, I submit, is not the occasional proud, lonely loony. The problem is that they are now to be found in gibbers. (A gibber is the collective noun.) Large gibbers, gibbering together.

    The fact that we can inspect the AiG facebook page and find “typical” gibbers is significant. It means that we have internalised a whole demographic. If we can do that, you think a populist can’t? A demographer? And you think that these people – very competent at what they do – don’t work for political parties?

    It’s enough to make me draw an imaginary shawl over my shoulders and shake my hoary head, muttering “oh dear oh dear oh dear” in the fashion of my Welsh miner grandfather.

  11. I recalled the following Bible verse. “keep that which is committed to thy trust, avoiding profane and vain babblings, and oppositions (empty philosophies) of science falsely so called.” (I Timothy 6:20)

    Depending on the text one chooses, there are different takes on this “quote.” Somehow I don’t think the old writers used the term science.

    I think there are a couple of possible reasons why this might have appeared anon. One, who’d want to take credit for this babble, and two, the paper might have wanted to protect the author of this drivel, and it appears the paper’s editor/s did not want to be associated with it.

  12. The Greek word used in 1 Timothy 6:20 is “gnosis” (well, actually genitive “gnoseos”). The author seems to be warning against gnosticism, a well-known competitor of Christianity. Yet the 1611 King James translation used the word “science”, which present-day fundamentalists are happy to apply to MODERN science. A retroactive linguistic anachronism! “See, the Bible talks about ‘science falsely so called’! That would be evolution, of course!”

    Most non-fundamentalist scholars have long since concluded that “Paul’s” two letters to “Timothy” are second-century forgeries anyway. Don’t expect our fundamentalist friends to be very interested or impressed.

  13. “Evolution was built on nothing but bones, rocks and fossils, ….”
    All of which can be seen-touched-and examined.
    Your religious BS is built on delusion-lies-fantasies none of which can be examined or tested. Sorry but like you I do not expect myth to be real.

  14. Anonymous Ranter: “…there is a doctrine, NOT a theory, that will provide final answers…
    This doctrine is Creationism!

    Creationism and evolution are heaven and hell apart.

    Creationism offers Heaven and everlasting life. Evolution has nothing to offer except eternal damnation.

    Belief in evolution leads only to Hell!”

    A very dangerous philosophy for those of us who would teach science. It doesn’t take much of a stretch of the imagination to see how a person with such views would feel justified in killing teachers “to protect the children from eternal damnation.”

    The Marietta Times is totally irresponsible for publishing this anonymous screed.

  15. Oh — I meant to also mention that “final answers” sounds reminiscent of “final solution”.

  16. Evolution was built on nothing but bones, rocks and fossils, ….

    This is a common belief, even among people who accept the reality of evolution.

    But in the time of Darwin, there was little in the way of fossils. And even though there have been major developments in paleontology over the last century, as well as absolute quantitative chronology (radioisotope and other methods), evolutionary biology is still largely based on the studies of current life.

  17. BTW, one is reminded of that decision of Huckleberry Finn (chapter 31)

    “All right, then, I’ll go to hell”

  18. We need to stop searching for fossils and digging for bones!

    That’s right! And stop hunting for life elsewhere in the universe, and doing anything else that might threaten his beliefs.

    Seriously, someone needs to take him fossil-hunting. When I was a kid, my friends and I used to find shark teeth in the creek across the street from my house, and a few ammonites, shells of all sorts, and if we were very lucky, a Mosasaur vertebrae. Sometimes I would find an ammonite or something similar and think about how that was once an actual living creature, swimming in a sea millions and millions of years ago in the very spot where I stood… and after all that time, I was holding it in the palm of my my hand. It was a connection with another creature across an unfathomable depth of time.

    Somehow, the idea that there is a god who poofed everything into existence not so long ago ruins that sense of awe. I almost feel sorry for the guy, living his entire life being unaware of just how amazing the world really is. He really should dig up a bone or two.

  19. “Creationism and evolution are heaven and hell apart.”
    Ah, finally I understand what that Black Sabbath song is about.

    The Controversy!