We found two strange letters-to-the-editor today. Indeed, they are among the strangest letters we’ve ever encountered. They’re both in the Waterloo Region Record of Kitchener, Ontario, which is part of the tenth largest metropolitan area in Canada.
Neither letter-writer is a politician, preacher, or other public figure, so we won’t embarrass or promote them by using their full names. Excerpts from each letter will be enhanced with our Curmudgeonly commentary and some bold font for emphasis. Here we go!
Here’s the first: Is evolution proven? It was written by Hank, and the newspaper doesn’t appear to have a comments feature. It refers to an earlier letter critical of two politicians, James Lunney, and Rick Nicholls, who had “gone out of their way to deny evolution.” Hank didn’t like that letter. He says:
Those politicians are correct. The root word for the word evolution is evolve, and the word evolving means an ongoing process. Taken in that light, are those who believe in evolution not humans, or are they not humans anymore?
Aaaargh!! To drive home his point, Hank asks:
When a farmer plants corn seeds in the spring, does evolution — an ongoing process — yield a different crop? And, by the way, did corn, trees, weeds, flowers also originate from the same cell that developed monkeys, humans and animals? Did stones also originate from that same cell? Is evolution a proven fact?
Hey, yeah — where did stones come from? Let’s read on:
[The earlier letter-writer] also writes that politicians cannot express their Christian beliefs, because “their religion does not belong on Parliament Hill.” Yet, [he] implies that it is OK to bring his religion to Parliament Hill, because, when I do a Google search for a definition of religion, among the Oxford dictionary definitions is “a pursuit or interest followed with great devotion.”
BWAHAHAHAHAHA! We’ve encountered that dictionary argument before — see Rev. David Rives: Evolution is a Religion. And this is from Hank’s final paragraph:
[The earlier letter-writer] puts his trust in man and believes that man can save himself, and Christians believe in God, knowing that God is the only one who saves. Ignorance is not a quality I value in my government, nor should you.
The second letter in that newspaper is Flinging poop at humans and their manipulative ways, written by Tony. There is a comments feature after this one. Tony says:
Do you believe in evolution? What a loaded question. I believe in God, first and foremost. I have my personal reasons for this and they have all to do with God.
Tony then tells how he once fell “from a great height,” but survived, and then how he “suffered a terrible health problem and actually died for a few short seconds.” But then:
I was shortly brought back and ever since have never questioned life after death. I will never again question whether or not there is a God (whatever name people may call Him by).
Okay, now what? Tony declares:
To think humans evolved from apes is a bit of a stretch to me. Knowing people as I do, I would not be surprised to find that humans have mated with apes and maybe that is the link evolutionists are looking for.
BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Yes, we’re all looking for some of that ape action. Here’s more:
We are survivors, all of us living here on Earth. Whether we are human, mammal, reptilian, alien, insect, plant, bacteria, sea creatures and whatever living thing I may have missed.
Tony didn’t miss anything. He included humans and mammals. And also aliens. That’s rather all-inclusive. Moving along:
I believe we humans are doing enough manipulating of the human race using genetics. We play with genetics to create vegetables that taste like fruit, create fruit and vegetables to be a certain colour. Make it so our foods last a lot longer on the shelf. We can make it so there is less fat on the animals we process for human consumption. We create animal stock of greater size with faster growth, all for human consumption. We need not wonder, too hard, why girls have been developing physically faster.
No comment. Here’s another excerpt:
All we do to our food supply, to our Earth, to our fellow humans, the air we breathe; it all comes back at us. It all comes back and affects us. This is what I see as being evolution. It is not on purpose, it is created by human manipulation. It all boils down to money, power and greed.
Yes — evolution is all about money, power and greed. And now we come to the end:
Sometimes I think it would be nice to be a simple monkey and throw poop at the humans.
Tony’s got the right idea. You gotta admit, dear reader, they write some good letters in Canada.
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