Creationist Wisdom #560: Great Arguments

Today’s letter-to-the-editor appears in the Daily Inter Lake of Kalispell, Montana — the gateway to Glacier National Park. The letter is titled More arguments against evolution. The newspaper has a comments section.

Because the writer isn’t a politician, preacher, or other public figure, we won’t embarrass or promote him by using his full name. We’ll use only his first name, which is Waldemar. That’s too fancy, so we’ll call him Waldo. Excerpts from his letter will be enhanced with our Curmudgeonly commentary and some bold font for emphasis. Here we go!

This letter is not for the people who are steeped in the religion of evolution. … This, rather, is for people who are sitting on the fence — who know that evolution can’t possibly be true, but because the lie has been told so often and so forcefully, they’re not sure what to believe. Some of the people who deny the existence of God are even intelligent in some areas and have letters behind their name. The Bible also gives them letters behind their name — FOOL.

Waldo equates evolution and atheism, and he won’t waste his time talking to those people. His letter is for the fence-sitters. He says:

I’ll admit that I don’t understand many things. But this I do know. I’m alive and living on this planet. I can look around and see a creation that is fearfully and wonderfully made.

We’ve seen that argument before: We call it Cogito, ergo Oogity Boogity! Or maybe Cogito, ergo Oogito!, which is barbarous Latin, but it’s cute. Let’s read on:

Before the supposed evolution of humans can be considered, I have other questions. Where did this earth come from? Where did the laws of physics come from? (Gravity, motion, momentum, centrifugal force, etc.) Where did the elements come from? Where did all the metals come from? Did the metals all evolve from a single one?

Ah yes, One can’t know anything unless he knows everything. We’ve seen that argument before too, but we never named it. What shall we call it? We’ll give it a classy Latin name: Nihil sine omnibum (nothing without everything), or maybe Nihil nisi totus (nothing unless all). That’ll do for now. It means there can never be any science, because we have to start somewhere; but a beginning is nothing, so why bother? Waldo continues:

We know that the earth is round. If all the people of the world were told to point upward, half of the people would be pointing in opposite directions. Half of the airplanes that are taking off at any given time are taking off upside down. Cars, trains and people are walking and driving around upside down or sideways compared to other people of the world at any given time. The atmosphere stays in place around the world instead of dissipating into space. What holds it to the earth? What is gravity and how does it work? How can these wonders be?

Waldo seems to think that’s an argument against evolution. Maybe it is, but we don’t get it. Here’s more:

For argument’s sake, let’s say that some goo accidently [sic] came to life. There would have to be a law that said that that goo would have to reproduce after its own kind. Otherwise, nothing that was reproduced would be the same. Where did that law originate? And if it started to reproduce, again for argument’s sake, after its own kind, at what point would two sexes be needed? And at what point would those two sexes evolve? If that goo had the capability to reproduce by itself, why would there be the need for two sexes? Each sex would have to have the capability to reproduce itself until such time as all functions of each sex were fully developed so that they could finally mate to create the system of reproduction that exists now.

We’ve seen that before too — Jack Chick: Sex Is Evolution’s Nightmare. Because we’re giving Waldo’s arguments Latin names, that will be Sexus ergo deus. Moving along:

Since most living creatures need male and female to reproduce, logic dictates that every living thing that needs two sexes to create would all have to be in a single line of evolution. That means insects, animals and humans all evolved from each other. Preposterous? ABSOLUTELY!

BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Waldo knows when to run away from a logical conclusion. Hey — this is the opposite of reductio ad absurdum. What shall we call it? Reductio ad manufesto, ergo falsus. (If the conclusion is obvious, it’s false.)

Waldo’s letter is huge, so now we’ll start skipping around for some choice goodies:

I have read that late in life Darwin refuted his own theory and said, “I was a young man with unformed ideas.”

[…]

[The Bible says] that Satan is a liar, and it is his intention to influence anyone that he can and drag them to hell with him. It was his lie from the beginning that he spread through unsuspecting people (Darwin and others).

[…]

I must admit that my puny little mind can’t understand the magnitude of God. I can not wrap my mind around infinity. I can’t comprehend the awesome power, knowledge and majesty of God. But this I do know. Evolution is not science, but rather it is a lie that was perpetrated by the god of the lie, Satan.

[…]

The Bible says that “a fool has said in his heart that there is no God.” Don’t be that fool. We have one chance to make our choice for eternity. … If all the proponents of evolution want to continue in their folly, they have that choice.

This is really a great letter! And now we come to the end:

The creation of God is intricately and delicately made, not evolved. This universe, all the laws and everything in it was made by God. And that is the truth.

Now we know The Truth Thanks, Waldo.

Copyright © 2015. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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19 responses to “Creationist Wisdom #560: Great Arguments

  1. “We know that the earth is round. If all the people of the world were told to point upward, half of the people would be pointing in opposite directions.”

    Waldo needs to re-read those geometry text books a little more thoroughly, and possibly some geography texts. The Earths spheroidal shape may produce a greater divergence in pointy finger direction than the original flat Earth model would.

    Are the world globe models no longer allowed in creationist classrooms? Or do they just unroll a map and say “See! See! Flat Earth! Flat Earth!”?

  2. Here’s my playful game question:

    Ubi cerebrum Waldi est?

  3. Apparently there are a lot of things he cannot wrap his puny mind around.

  4. Where’s Waldo? Obviously, not in any institution of learning.

  5. Waldo uses the argument that was favored at the religious college I dropped out of.

    “The universe is too vast for my human mind to grasp. The only way I can get any comfort is to believe in something even vaster, and by definition so totally incomprehensible that there’s no use even trying to grasp it.”

  6. Eddie Janssen

    I like Nihil nisi totus.

  7. Retired Prof recites the old argument: “The universe is too vast for my human mind to grasp. The only way I can get any comfort is to believe in something even vaster …”

    That hasn’t changed since the universe was just the Earth, Moon, and Sun, under a crystal dome of stars.

  8. Before the supposed evolution of humans can be considered, I have other questions. Where did this earth come from? Where did the laws of physics come from? (Gravity, motion, momentum, centrifugal force, etc.) Where did the elements come from? Where did all the metals come from? Did the metals all evolve from a single one?

    Actually, while the jury is still out on question of where the laws of nature come from, we have pretty good ideas about the rest. The metals, for example, did indeed “evolve from a single one”–hydrogen, which qualifies as a gaseous metal (and can be made a solid one under extreme pressure and low temperature). We know where that came from, too, and where “this earth” (is there another?) came from. We even know where sex came from.

    Now I have a question for our letter writer: if everything in existence must have “come from” somewhere and must have been created, where did God come from, and who created Him?

    Of course, that’s the kind of question which would have gotten you a trip to the rack and the stake several centuries ago. (Ah, those were the good old days . . . !) And if the fundamentalists ever gained the power to which they aspire, it’d get you (or me) a prison term, or perhaps an appointment with a needle.

  9. michaelfugate

    I can look around and see a creation that is fearfully and wonderfully made.

    Why fearfully?

  10. The letter writer wrote “I’ll admit, I don’t understand many things.”

    Then you should stop pontificating and start learning.

  11. I recently invented a Latin motto for myself: ultra ridiculum ad magnificum

  12. Waldo, das ist nicht nur nicht richtig, es ist nicht einmal falsch.

    If Waldo occasionally read something other than the babble, he might know that, as Eric Lipps pointed out above, scientists do know where metals came from. Rather than a sky fairy, I thank the star that died to make the iron in my haemoglobin!

    Apparently Waldo doesn’t realize that insects and humans are animals. And by the way, Waldo, they didn’t evolve from each other, but from a common ancestor.

    And then there’s that silly lie about Darwin refuting evolution and natural selection.

    And just one other point about this colossal collection of nonsense, most living creatures — bacteria and archaea — reproduce quite well without sex.

  13. “[The Bible says] that Satan is a liar, ” Strange how so many xtians love to say that. But show me any where in the buyBull where satan lied. As far as I can tell gawd was the 1st big liar.
    And this dimwit says the same thing as all creationist….I aint from no monkey!! But none of the can give us a better working model of the world except gawd did it.

  14. I’m sorry, But what the hell is Waldo talking about? I mean, really, how is any scientist, or any thinking person, for that matter, supposed to respond to such gibberish.

  15. Waldo is – you guessed it – not even wrong.

  16. I don’t think anyone is supposed to respond to his sermon. It’s his testament to the super goodness of mystical thinking. Not many people delivering a sermon ask if anyone has questions or welcome someone raising their hand to ask a question.

  17. abeastwood: “Rather than a sky fairy, I thank the star that died to make the iron in my haemoglobin!”

    Yes! That’s it! The stars died for us so that we may live!

    Now I understand why so many people worship the stars so. Oh, wait…

  18. @Laurette: Your name is not that common. On the chance that this is a small world, does “Quail Hollow” mean anything to you?

  19. Not to mention that in many species of birds, amphibians and lizards, gender and sex are by no means binary.