Creationist Wisdom #565: The Missing Link

Today’s letter-to-the-editor appears in the Daily Republic of Mitchell, South Dakota. It’s titled Evolution just another false religion. The newspaper doesn’t have a comments feature.

Because the writer isn’t a politician, preacher, or other public figure, we won’t embarrass or promote him by using his full name. He writes a lot of letters, but that doesn’t qualify for full-name treatment. We’ll use only his first name, which is Frank. Excerpts from his letter will be enhanced with our Curmudgeonly commentary and some bold font for emphasis. Here we go!

Evolution offends me because it teaches there is no God.

Like so many creationists, Frank is is obsessed by things that don’t exist. No biology text claims that atheism is part of the theory of evolution. What other products of Frank’s imagination offend him? He tells us:

The teaching that we are just an accident from a mud puddle has corrupted the morality of our young people today.

Silly, isn’t it? So what? All of these letters-to-the-editor are silly, but we enjoy them anyway. Then he says:

The dictionary defines religion as a faith-based worship. This makes evolution a religion itself. It takes more than faith to believe in evolution that it takes faith to believe in Adam and Eve.

Not very original, but originality isn’t a characteristic of creationists. Let’s read on:

There is no history on evolution, only suppositions. It’s a theory that the evolutionists adore, thus fulfilling the worship part of evolution.

Ah yes, we adore our religious theory. Frank continues:

The First Amendment of the Constitution clearly states that “Congress shall make no law respecting the establishment of religion or prohibiting the free exercise thereof.”

Creationists are always telling us that the Founders were deeply religious men who intended to establish a Christian theocracy, and the First Amendment somehow doesn’t mean separation of church and state. That’s why they claim we should have religion — their religion — taught in public schools. Frank has a different way of looking at it:

Our public schools have broken the First Amendment of our Constitution by respecting the religion of evolution over any other religion. And because our public schools prohibits the teaching of Christianity in schools, it has abridged the freedom of religion.

Egad — we’ve broken the First Amendment! Here’s more:

Yes, evolution offends me. When I was in school so many years ago, I was being taught the false religion of evolution.

How horrible that must have been for little Frank! And now we come to the end of his letter:

They always talked about finding the missing link. This is the fossil of a change between ape and man or a frog and a fish. They haven’t found a missing link in so many years and they never will.

That’s it, dear reader. What were you expecting — something profound, perhaps some actual evidence of creationism? They’ve been looking for millennia, without success. A link between reality and Oogity Boogity is the real missing link.

Copyright © 2015. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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14 responses to “Creationist Wisdom #565: The Missing Link

  1. Say not thou, What is the cause that the former days were better than these? for thou dost not inquire wisely concerning this.
    Ecclesiastes 7:10

  2. michaelfugate

    These letters all show the complete absence of imagination characteristic of all fundamentalists.

  3. It’s always a good idea to get ones testament to faith in print before “going to meeting” day. You can then stand before your congregation proudly proclaiming yourself as a defender of the faith. Worst case at least you have something to bring to show and tell.

    I am also unclear on which biology text(s) covers the details of the “worship” part of believing in evolution. What exactly is being worshiped and how? Citations anyone?

  4. waldteufel

    One can safely posit that the Missing Link least likely to be found is the link between reality and the meat sack that hides between Frank’s ears.

  5. There must be a vast email network linking all these fundamentalist anti-evolution ranters urging them all to write more and more letters to their local small-town papers.

  6. “They always talked about finding the missing link. This is the fossil of a change between ape and man or a frog and a fish. They haven’t found a missing link in so many years and they never will.”

    No, they haven’t found “a missing link.” They’ve found lots of them–although like other creationists, our letter writer apparently believes that evolution teaches that man evolved from some present-day ape rather than, as it actually does, that humans and apes descended from common ancestors (plural, because the human lineage appears to have diverged from that of different modern apes at different times).

  7. I did six years in grad school studying evolution and related topics, and never once did anyone pass a collection plate!

    That proves it.

    Can I hear an “Amen!??”

  8. AMEN! Now, for all our loyal parishioners, please send your donations to…

  9. off-topic for this thread, but an article about the whack-a-mole persistence of Creationists in the UK: Creationism still taught in faith schools despite Government funding threat

  10. Megalonyx, I wish you had the courage to come forward and present yourself as evidence. The few unfortunates — like Olivia — who have had the ghastly experience of meeting you, immediately recognize your biological significance. If your anachronistic existence were widely known, creationists would no longer be able to claim that there is no missing link.

  11. @ our Curmudgeon: Only modesty prevents me from so presenting myself as a missing link — between mere Homo sapiens and the next advanced stage in hyper-intelligent hominids endowed with various super powers …

  12. …but lacking, alas, the super-power to master html tags….

    [*Voice from above*] Once again, I must patch up your primitive simian attempt to insult a sapiens.

  13. When will your primitive species finally learn to communicate telepathically, as we advanced ‘missing links’ do?

    Mind you. I hate to think of what you would do with our powers of telekinesis, x-ray vision, and ability to fly without mechanical aids…

  14. If evolution is a religion, and professors of evolutionary biology are its “high priests”, is being handed one’s Ph.D. sheepskin at the commencement ceremony an ordination to the priesthood?

    I wonder why no such Ph.D. has declared on his/her tax return the housing allowance exemption granted ordained ministers?