The last time we addressed this issue was Waste Disposal on Noah’s Ark. In that memorable post, we compared the task facing Noah with one of the legendary twelve labours of Hercules — cleaning out the Augean stables, which had not been cleaned in over 30 years, and over 1,000 cattle lived there. Hercules had to divert two rivers to clean out the stables. With rigorous mathematical analysis, we concluded that mucking out the Ark was only half as burdensome as the job assigned to Hercules, but it was still an impossible task.
Today, dear reader, you’re in for a treat. After years of solitary study, your Curmudgeon proudly announces that he has solved the Ark’s waste disposal problem! Yes, we’ve done it. Through the centuries, the greatest theological minds in the world have struggled with this, but your humble Curmudgeon has found the solution.
Well, what is it? As the image above this post suggests, the answer is Archimedes’ screw. Wikipedia provides a description:
Archimedes’ screw consists of a screw (a helical surface surrounding a central cylindrical shaft) inside a hollow pipe. The screw is turned usually by a windmill or by manual labour. As the shaft turns, the bottom end scoops up a volume of water. This water will slide up in the spiral tube, until it finally pours out from the top of the tube and feeds the irrigation systems. The screw was used mostly for draining water out of mines or other areas of low lying water.
The intellectual breakthrough came to us in a blinding flash of inspiration. If Archimedes’ screw works with water, it should also work with fresh animal waste. Assuming the device was installed when the Ark was built, all Noah had to do was turn the handle, and the muck would be lifted from the bowels of the Ark to the top deck, and then automatically dumped over the side. Nothing to it! It was so simple, Noah probably assigned the task to his wife.
Yes, we know — you’re thinking that Archimedes lived in the 3rd century BC — long after the Flood. That’s true, but as the Wikipedia article informs us, Archimedes probably didn’t invent the device which bears his name. It was known to earlier cultures.
So there you are. The problem of poop removal from the Ark has baffled creation scientists for centuries, but your Curmudgeon has figured it out. We have solved one of the world’s greatest mysteries, and you’re reading about it here, on our humble blog. Verily, this is a day to remember.
But there’s no need to worry — we still have the rest of our Top Ten Reasons Noah’s Flood is Mythology.
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