Curiosity about The Controversy between evolution and creationism is the reason that for decades, your Curmudgeon has headed a secret archaeological expedition to investigate the remote African valley of Bonga Bonga, where the earliest humans lived around half a million years ago. This is the first public disclosure of our findings.
We refer to one end of the valley as Lower Bonga Bonga. It was home to a tribe whose religion recognized two gods — Oog and Boog. Oog was the source of all good things, and Boog was his evil twin, whose efforts brought misfortune to the people. Extensive linguistics research reveals that our contemporary term, Oogity Boogity, is derived from that ancient source.
Lower Bonga Bonga was ruled for millennia by a priestly caste, whose efforts were directed at placating Oog, so that the people would enjoy adequate food and health. When there was famine and disease, the priests claimed that insufficient reverence for Oog was to blame, and they demanded ever-increasing obedience, as well as punishment for those deemed to be irreverent, or maybe even agents of Boog. Those with inadequate attitudes were eliminated from the gene pool.
We call the other end of the valley Upper Bonga Bonga. The people there probably originated as refugees from Lower Bonga Bonga. They regarded Oog and Boog as childish myths. By patient observation, they had learned the proper time and methods for hunting and maintaining their domesticated animals, and they also practiced rudimentary sanitation to safeguard against disease. As a result, the people of Upper Bonga Bonga were not only better fed and healthier than their neighbors, but as their abundant art and artifacts reveal, they were also more prosperous, because their resources weren’t devoted to supporting an unproductive priesthood.
Evidence indicates that two tribes didn’t like each other. The people of Lower Bonga Bonga resented their neighbors, regarding them as followers of Boog, with whom they had made a pact to enjoy temporary benefits, for which they would suffer eternally. The lack of trinkets and stone tools in Lower Bonga Bonga indicates that there was relatively little trade between the tribes. The followers of Oog and Boog rarely had anything to offer, but they did occasionally raid their more prosperous neighbors, secure in the belief that attacking the godless ones was no crime.
When we first learned of these two tribes, we wondered why natural selection didn’t eliminate the people of Lower Bonga Bonga, but we concluded that the valley was fertile enough that they were able to survive, notwithstanding their self-imposed limitations. In due course, the two tribes spread out beyond their valley to become the ancestors of all modern humans, whose incompatible mental attributes are with us still.
So what do we learn from this? Your Curmudgeon believes that The Controversy between evolution and creationism is a contemporary manifestation of the ancient schism that began in the valley of Bonga Bonga. That, dear reader, is why it’s hopeless to debate with creationists. They can’t help being what they are.
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