An Embassy for the Intelligent Designers

It’s been a while since we wrote about the Raëlians, a sect based entirely on intelligent design. You’ll be inspired by their Message from the Designers. For one of our earlier posts, see Raelians, Sexual Robots, and Intelligent Design.

We like the Raelians, because they’re an excellent vehicle to illustrate that our opposition to creationism (and ID) isn’t motivated by hostility to any particular religion. Creationists are amusing, and except for the damage they do to their own children they’re totally harmless — unless they achieve their dream of political power.

Well, the Raelians are back in the news. We present to you, dear reader, some excerpts from A Group Proposes to the Portuguese Government the Construction of an Embassy for Extraterrestrials, which appears in Folha de S.Paulo, a Brazilian daily newspaper located in São Paulo — the most populous city in Brazil, in the Americas, in the western hemisphere and the world’s twelfth largest city by population. The newspaper doesn’t have a comments section.

We know you’re eager to learn what this is all about, so let’s get started. The bold font was added by us:

The Raelian Movement — a group which believes that life on Earth was created by beings from another planet — made a formal request to the government of Portugal asking it to build an embassy for extraterrestrials in the country.

A reasonable request. But what would an embassy for aliens look like? We’re told:

This space would serve not only as a diplomatic mission but also for the landing of spacecrafts. In a total area of 4,000 square meters (approximately 43,056 square feet), there would still be an expansive lawn, swimming pool, meeting room and accommodation aimed to the rest of the intergalactic visitors. Budgeted at US$ 40 million (approximately R$ 120 million), the project presented to the government was signed by the Portuguese architect Marco Antunes.

How did the architect determine that the embassy should include those amenities? Let’s read on:

The professional says that, despite having given hints in the work, the fundamental aspects of the project have been transmitted by an alien architect during previous contacts with some members of the group.

Okay. We continue:

Besides the benefits to saving the planet, the Raelians say that the embassy could help the tottering Portuguese economy. This construction, in their view, would attract direct investments and wealthy Raelians from around the world.

Are there wealthy Raelians? Probably. Successful, highly intelligent people would naturally be attracted to the movement. Here’s one final excerpt:

The goal is to have the embassy ready for the return of the extraterrestrials, scheduled for 2035. In addition to Portugal, other countries should be contacted. Brazil is also on the list and stands out, according to the Raelians, because of its religious plurality.

This is a big story, dear reader. You may be sure your Curmudgeon will be following it. Stay tuned to this blog!

Addendum: A few months ago they tried to get an embassy in the US — see: Raelians Push White House for Alien Embassy to Save Humanity.

Copyright © 2015. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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22 responses to “An Embassy for the Intelligent Designers

  1. I wonder what Ken Ham would think if the Raelians asked for a government tax incentive to help the embassy since it would be a “tourist attraction?”

  2. Tax incentive? I think they want the government to do the whole thing.

  3. The professional says that, despite having given hints in the work, the fundamental aspects of the project have been transmitted by an alien architect during previous contacts with some members of the group.

    I, too, am a professional and have had contact from one of the aliens, who appears to be their Head of Entertainment. Or at least, that’s what I’ve deduced having translated the title of the book he inadvertantly left behind on his last visit: To Serve Man

    I’m not 100% sure yet, but I think it’s a rule book for alien tennis…

  4. “I’m not 100% sure yet, but I think it’s a rule book for alien tennis…”
    or a cookbook as in on old episode of Twilight Zone.

  5. “I’m not 100% sure yet, but I think it’s a rule book for alien tennis…”
    or a cookbook as in an old episode of Twilight Zone.

  6. The big question is whether there will be hidden cameras in the embassy bathrooms.

  7. I, for one, welcome our new (alien) insect overlords.

    Also, is that Adnan Oktar walking out of that flying saucer?

  8. @Anonymous
    It was first a short story – see the Wikipedia article.

  9. “I’m not 100% sure yet, but I think it’s a rule book for alien tennis…”
    No! it is as it states “to SERVE man”, They are going to grovel at our feet in awesome appreciation of our truly awesome humanism!

  10. Of course the creationists at the Discovery Institute must be thrilled that they can point to the Raelians as proof that creationism isn’t just a Christian fundamentalist idea. Then, of course, once mainstream creationists achieve the political power they crave and don’t find the Raelians useful anymore, they can have them burned at the stake.

  11. Dave Luckett

    The famous observation by George of Nazareth (Jesus’s younger brother) applies: “The fruitloops are always with you.”

    What has this to do with screwing the inscrutables of science denial, such as the denizens of the DI? Say what you like about the Raelians; barking mad they might be, but their aliens are actually physically possible, unlike Arks and humans riding dinosaurs.

    As for building an alien embassy, not even the Portuguese government is that crazy. Besides, they already owe everyone nearly as much money as Greece.

  12. I have been engaging a Raelian in discussion on Facebook (yes, I know). There I point out that by defining the designer to be aliens, Raelianism has potentially testable scientific hypotheses about the nature of the Designer. Then I sit back and enjoy the dumbfounded silence from the more traditional ID advocate, who can neither support or deny the Raelian argument without torpedoing their own.

    In Chess this would be called a fork.🙂

  13. A fork, hunh? Interesting. Sounds like basically the same metaphor as “cleft stick.”

    Prof. Tertius, with your linguistic knowledge can you enlighten us about the relation between these terms, if any?

    And what about chess as the source for the insult “fork you”?

  14. @TA: That sounds more like a pin instead of a fork.

  15. I, for one, welcome our new (alien) insect overlords.

    Careful what you say about aliens. Look what happened to Donald Trump.

    Imagine if they build that embassy welcome center. It’s ready for business. The first alien visitors from outer space land and are welcomed with great fanfare. But they want nothing but to check-in to their hotel rooms and get some rest. After all, they’ve had a very very very long trip. It got me thinking about writing a short story, of which the following is an even shorter, very concise version of what appears on the Bible & Science Forum blog as a result of the inspiration gained here:

    The front desk’s staff has trained intensively for this historic day but the Intergalactic Residence Center manager decides to step up and handle the first check-in himself. He says to the leader of the group and the very first alien in line for check-in, “Welcome, sir. So pleased to have you stay with us. I will assist your registration. First, may I see some identification, please?”

    The 12-tentacled alien looks a bit perplexed and asks, “What do you mean?”

    The desk manager says, “Any kind of official identification card will do. If you don’t have a driver’s license….er…pilot’s license, perhaps you’ve got an ID issued by your employer?”

    The alien says, “How about my union card? After all, I’m here on business.”

    The desk manager says, “Sure! That will do just fine.”

    The alien reaches into his pocket in the back of his fourth tentacle and pulls out his wallet faster than you could say “Take me to your leader.” It grabs the union card inside the wallet with a single, dexterous motion of the first suction-cup of his ninth tentacle and deftly hands it to the desk manager.

    The manager reads it aloud: “Galactic Brotherhood of Intelligent Designers: Local #351”

    The alien reassures him, “You’ll never be able to pronounce my name from reading off that card. So you can just call me ‘I.D.’ for short.”

    It is clearly evident from the resumption of the flow of green drool from the elephant-trunk-like excretory tube which the alien drags behind him that the first-time guest feels relieved by the desk manager’s answer. (Literally.) The alien is lost to his thoughts while flexing his antennae to absorb the delightfully new flavors of the earth’s quaint and exotic mixture of gases. The desk manager punches up the intercom mode of the PA system: “Clean-up at front desk. Clean-up at front desk. Be sure to bring the Wet-Vac. Er… Make that three Wet-Vacs. Hell with it, bring ALL of the Wet-Vacs!”

    Just as the manager restores reciprocal optical-sense-organ contact with his guest, the alien resumes the conversation. “I really love the atmosphere of this place. ”

    “Thank you, sir. We try our best.”

    “Is that a hint of ozone and partially oxidized hydrocarbons? I don’t remember those from my last visit. Of course, that was long before you worked here.”

    The manager recovered quickly from his misinterpretation of the atmosphere compliment and continued, “Would you like a bellboy, or perhaps even two?”

    The alien replied, “No. No thank you. I had a really big lunch on the flight.”

    The alien paused to make a face [Don’t ask.] and resumed his sad tale: “And then those endless bags of nuts. Do you know what I’m saying? Insufferable nuts! We beamed them up from Seattle and Kentucky before we knew what we were getting ourselves into.”

    The desk manager remembered his training and tried really hard not to react as the alien continues.

    “Plus, I really need to lose a few pounds and work on my cardio. My wife hassles me about it. Keeps reminding me that my father died of congestive hearts disease. All five of them. It got to where his hearts wouldn’t even grow back anymore. What a sad and slow way to die. So I’m trying to do a better job of taking care of myself. After all, ya only live thrice.”

    “Always good advice, Sir.” The desk manager replied while still trying hard to react professionally and as little as possible. After all, he was specially trained for this. He recalled countless hours of extensive study and practice, all in preparation for this historic event, and that schooling included a thorough practicum in intergalactic cross-cultural interactions. The manager regained his composure and continued:

    “Oh! Almost forgot… Sir. Do you have any pets that will be rooming with you?”

    The alien says, “As a matter of fact I do. Just one.”

    The desk manager says, “Very good, sir. And what type of pet would that be?”

    The alien replies, “I don’t know what you earthlings call them but on my planet we call it a luskin.”

    __________________________
    (c) 2015. Professor Tertius & the Bible.and.Science.Forum at Gmail.com.
    All rights reserved.

    {This post is just a few excerpts adapted from the complete short story I wrote today for the Bible.and.Science.Forum blog at https://bibleandscienceforum.wordpress.com . Thank you for the inspiration. I entitled this one “Donald Trump Failed to Prepare for Alien Attack. (Miley Cyrus Makes Species Argument)”.}

  16. I should have used a fixed/permanent link for those who may want to find the complete short story on the BSF blog at: https://bibleandscienceforum.wordpress.com/2015/07/08/donald-trump-failed-to-prepare-for-alien-attack-miley-cyrus-makes-species-argument/

    I’ve considered doing a collection of short-stories to produce a Prelude & Fugue style book like Doug Hofstadter used in Godel, Escher, Bach: An Eternal Golden Braid. This short story would Prelude a more serious Fugue (prose) chapter about IDism. After all, who wouldn’t want to read: Achilles & the Tortoise Visit the Creation Museum?

    The mind boggles.

  17. Luskins! Dumber than pet rocks!!🙂

  18. Retired Prof asked:
    Prof. Tertius, with your linguistic knowledge can you enlighten us about the relation between these terms, if any?

    My background helps with etymologies of individual words more than expressions and phrases. So I’m not much help on this one. I would guess that they developed independently. And I think the “cleft stick” started out with a meaning unrelated to the fork-in-the-road meaning and stayed that way until much more recently. The “fork you”, obviously, just picked up on the similarity in sound with a one-syllable work that begins and ends the same: F- and -K

    I think the cleft-stick is interesting in how it disappeared from English as its uses were supplanted by better tools.

  19. Tomato Addict provides a timely gloss:

    In Chess this would be called a fork.🙂

    Thanks for that–it re-enforces my view that the alien text in my possession is indeed some sort of games manual.

    Beyond the title, so far I’ve only I’ve only managed to translate the first sentence, which reads:

    “To serve man, you will need a fork.”

  20. Off-topic, but the Seattle Slasher himself is flinging poo on the Lawrence Krause interview that was mentioned here in comments on this worthy blog’s Jack Chick Free Fire Zone of 2 July.

  21. Well, well, Mega, you made me do the unthinkable: I recommend everyone to read that piece of the Seattle Slasher! Even he isn’t capable of twisting Krause’s point so much that it gets lost. So of course I had to watch the entire interview and it’s good. Thanks, Klinkleklumper, without you I wouldn’t have known it was there.

  22. These news about the ET embassy are both on the french, portuguese, brazilian and spanish press. If Portugal agrees it will take the entire world by surprise. It requires some boldness to accept something like this. I wonder why the US and UK media don’t publish it.