Ken Ham — Insulted in the Australian Press

The entertainment never ends at the blog of Ken Ham (ol’ Hambo), the Australian entrepreneur who has become the ayatollah of Appalachia. He’s famed for his creationist ministry, Answers in Genesis (AIG) and for the mind-boggling Creation Museum.

We imagine that ol’ Hambo is once again red in the face, foaming at the mouth, and rolling around chewing the carpet. He just posted Scoffers Running Scared! BWAHAHAHAHAHA! What a title!

It’s about his Ark Encounter project, a religious theme park under construction in northern Kentucky. This time he’s enraged at some unfavorable press coverage in Australia. Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us:

You just have to shake your head, remember we are in a spiritual battle, and pray for the scoffers — and also remember they are not really scoffing at us, but scoffing at their Creator God who tells us [scripture reference].

Yes, the scoffers aren’t scoffing at Hambo, they’re scoffing at God himself! Sometimes it’s difficult to tell the difference. Then we’re told:

This headline appeared in an Australian news source (PerthNow) on July 23rd (ironically, while I am still in Australia): “Aussie behind bizarre and ‘scary’ life-size replica of Noah’s Ark.”

BWAHAHAHAHAHA! They said Hambo’s project was “bizarre,” and they ran that story while Hambo was in Australia. How insulting! What else did they say? Here’s one brief excerpt from the Australian article:

Those behind the project have been frequently mocked with some calling the creationist idea – set to feature dinosaurs alongside Noah and his animals – “scary”. While such ostentatious displays of the Christian faith might be expected in America’s bible belt, it’s actually an Australian ex-pat who played an instrumental role in the project.

How disrespectful! Let’s return to Hambo’s article:

At first I thought I was reading a tabloid — but this supposed news source is owned by News Corp Australia. It was started by the Australian Sunday Times in 2006 as an online local news source. News Corp Australia seems to own most of the major newspapers in Australia, including quite a few other media outlets and brands.

Gasp! News Corp Australia is a Rupert Murdoch company — just like Fox News. How could they write such an article? Hambo continues:

You see, the life-size Noah’s Ark project is “scary” to those who scoff at God’s Word. And based upon the focus of the article and utterly poor reporting with made up diatribe against the project, I really wonder if it is the author Nick Wigham who is scared. If these scoffers do not change their ways as I pray that they do, they should really be scared of the fact that one day they will have to bow their knee to God who created them: [scripture reference].

Aha, that explains it. The journalist is afraid. Here’s more:

Just as in Noah’s day, when God shut the door to the Ark the judgment came, so one day in the future God will shut the “door” to our “Ark,” the Lord Jesus Christ, and then the final judgment will come. I’m sure when the scoffing world in Noah’s day saw the door to the Ark shut and then the Flood began — they were running scared. Those who continue to scoff should be running scared, as they will have to face the God of the creation one day: [scripture reference].

Those responsible for such an outrageous news story will end up in the Lake of Fire. Moving along:

My conclusion is that these scoffers are running scared — scared that Christians will be able to practice the free exercise of religion, and tastefully and professionally challenge people concerning the truth of God’s Word.

Are you one of those frightened scoffers, dear reader? Hambo understands your motivation. One last excerpt:

The exciting news is that the life-size Noah’s Ark is well advanced in construction and will open sometime around the middle of next year (2016).

The rest of Hambo’s post is puffery about his Ark project. We’ve seen it all before. And so we leave ol’ Hambo, probably still rolling around on the floor in rage. Why can’t the great man get any respect?

Copyright © 2015. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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31 responses to “Ken Ham — Insulted in the Australian Press

  1. Somebody just needs to ol’ Kenny boy that yes, we are laughing at him.

  2. michaelfugate

    You just have to shake your head, remember we are in a spiritual battle, and pray for the scoffers — and also remember they are not really scoffing at us, but scoffing at their Creator God …

    Because Kenny either actually thinks he speaks for God or actually is God….

    Either way he’s delusional.

  3. Pete Moulton

    “Those responsible for such an outrageous news story will end up in the Lake of Fire.”

    Well, good. Probably my only opportunity to meet and congratulate them on this story…

  4. I saw this sentence in the Perth Now article:
    Within the ship will be 95 tons of steel plating and connectors while the top of the suspended ark’s sail will reach 31 metres above the ground.

    I don’t know much about nautical terms but what does it mean by “suspended ark” and the “ark’s sail”? Noah’s ark had no sails. Perhaps these are Australian dialect???

    I’m amazed how often Young Earth Creationists complain that there critics are “scared”. It sounds like a playground taunt. As much as Ken complains about everything a newspaper anywhere in the world says about him, he must be sweating bullets about bringing in enough cash.

    I think the project is going to backfire on him in multiple ways. Lots of people are going to say: “The ark wasn’t nearly as big as I had envisioned. There’s no way that he’s going to get a planet-full of animals into it.”

    I wonder what the docents are going to tell visitors when they ask, “How did they come up with enough fresh water once the 40 days and nights of rain ended? That would leave them with nearly a year on the ark before they can disembark. I suppose they will just declare that a miracle took care of the food and water…and all of the animals went into a state of hibernation.

    Or perhaps the docents will say, “That’s an excellent question! For an additional $7.95 you can watch our Noah’s Cinema presentation Everything You Wanted to Know about Noah.”

    The Midrashic tales of Noah would make a very interesting film.

  5. I wonder what ex-pat Hambo is doing in Australia. One would think he’d feel more at home in a theocracy like Iran.

  6. Look at how terrible the finished ark will look. I’m talking about those 3 rectangular structures. I suppose they are some sort of observation deck but the make the ark just a boring building loses the essence of an ark.

  7. “But those carrying out the project believe … and think Noah’s Ark could’ve been home to up to 16,000 animals.”

    Whoa, and if there were minimally two of each animal, that’s only 8000 different types, and of course many were dinosaurs per Ham, so there were very few species on the earth that were “saved?” Where did all the new millions of species of animals on the earth today come from?

    “With Noah being over 500 years in age, … he had the knowledge to be able to incorporate automatic feeding and watering systems where they only had to be refilled occasionally,”

    Uh straight from the bible I’m sure, page uh, uh …

    Is that white animal construction supposed to represent fuzzy-wuzzy bear?

    And what an absolute total waste of resources on this boondoggle of a project.

  8. I don’t know whether people who talk like that are delusional, but I have my opinions about people to heed such talk.

    And that is also true of people who see this structure as a demonstration of the possibility of something fitting a Biblical description of Noah’s Ark.

    When someone explains that they can’t do such-and-such, how does that show that it is possible?

    The standard explanation nowadays is that there were pairs of each “kind” (“baramin”, something more inclusive than species, maybe a taxonomic family or so), and there was rapid “micro-evolution” of species after the landing of the Ark.

  9. Do anyone suppose it has ever entered the alleged brain of Hambone that his ark would be a lot more convincing if it were built with tools and materials available in biblical times and if it would actually float (in calm water, of course — a ship that big built of wood would not be very seaworthy).

  10. Dave Luckett

    abeastwood, I’ve said this before, but I’ll say it again. A ship the size of the ark built of the materials described would not be merely “not… very seaworthy”, it would fail catastrophically within hours, probably minutes, of flotation in moving water. Short of “gopher wood” being a term meaning “steel plate” and the instructions about pitching it being actually a coded manual in welding techniques for bronze-age herders, such a vessel would start taking water far faster than it could be bailed the moment a gentle lop started to flex the hull.

    The ark is impossible. Not unlikely, not unseaworthy, not difficult to conceive. Impossible. It’s a bleeding myth, and here’s the thing: there’s nothing whatsoever in the text that says it isn’t.

    What on earth gets into these whackoes, that they’ve got to nail their colours to such a mast as that? Why, for Bog’s sake, when they don’t have to? The Flood story, with its reflections on the nature of God and its implications for life on Earth, is – must be – a profound problem for them. Why take it on at all? Why insist that this story must be read literally, but, say, the poetry of Job or the parables of Jesus need not be?

    I just don’t understand. It’s almost as if they were making the assertion of belief in something this absurd a sort of entry requirement for a lodge or something…

    Hey, wait a minute.

  11. Book of Ham 3:14

    My conclusion is that these scoffers are running scared — scared that Christians will be able to practice the free exercise of religion, and tastefully and professionally challenge people concerning the truth of God’s Word.

    “Tastefully and professionally” as in Ham’s creationist Disneyland?

    You see, the life-size Noah’s Ark project is “scary” to those who scoff at God’s Word.

    Actually, it’s scary to anyone who imagines what these nutters would do if they ever got real power and didn’t have to make believe anymore that they only want to “challenge” unbelievers rather than exile, imprison or kill those who refuse to “accept God’s word” at gunpoint.

  12. @Prof. Tertius
    The essay you cite says that we are left to speculate where the Bible is silent.
    That is astounding! What gives them the license to speculate? What happened to Sola Scriptura? What happened to, where the Bible is silent, we are silent? What happened to How do you know, were you there? What happened to Revelation 22:18 if anyone adds to them, God will add to him the plagues which are written in this book?

  13. Ham needs to construct an Ark ride, sort of like the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disneyland, in order to attract families and kiddo’s. As the ark-shaped boats wind through various rooms depicting stages of the flood, the riders can thrill to the sight of animals being drowned – in the order that they are found in the fossil record, of course. Dinosaurs succumbing to the waves, pterosaurs falling from the skies, etc. Naturally, the final grand scene should be the deaths of a multitude of animatronic people, including small children, babies, elderly grandmothers, etc., as they flail in the waters washing away their homes. Perhaps, for additional effect, a few particularly realistic and animated humans could be reaching out toward the happy visitors begging to be saved. Ah, to gloat in righteous arrogance as one floats safely past those lowly sinners.

    Ham could do much more to teach the true meaning of the flood with a ride like that than he will ever accomplish with his fake ark.

  14. michaelfugate

    Don’t forget the rainbow at the end!

  15. Don’t forget Noah offering up burnt offerings of all of the clean animals, and then passing out drunk, naked.

  16. They’d better hurry, it’s already started to rain:

  17. Hmm, I did not really want to embed that, sorry.

  18. The DESIGN for this exhibit is great. As built however, the building would never float. Thats a disappointment. Ken must not be a global warming guy.

  19. Does Ken explain how the dinosaurs disappeared after Noah saved
    some of them in the ark?

  20. @Och Will: I don’t know how Kenny boy explains it, but it must have something to do with the sky fairy deciding on the order of 99% of his wonderful creations weren’t so wonderful after all!

  21. That is astounding! What gives them the license to speculate? What happened to Sola Scriptura?

    Indeed. I think not a few Young Earth Creationists realize that Ken Ham is well on his way to repeat the history of a great many ministry leaders who accumulate more and more money and influence: their hubris makes them an increasing threat to their own mission. Many realize that:

    1) There is no ice age associated with the Noahic Flood.
    2) Ham’s BEHEMOTH–not to be confused with Behe’s Moth–equivalence with a sauropod dinosaur exists only in Ham’s brain.
    3) Ham’s post-flood hyper-evolution, whereby each “baramin” diverged into countless species, is pure fantasy on his part.
    4) The costly Ark Encounter could easily become the Heritage USA of YECism.
    5) ….and many more.

  22. Does Ken explain how the dinosaurs disappeared after Noah saved
    some of them in the ark?

    I assume that Ham follows Morris, Gish, et al in saying that “without the firmament to protect the earth from cosmic radiation and to maintain a worldwide tropical greenhouse, the post-flood earth was no longer well suited for the dinosaurs. So they quickly died out within a few years of Noah’s flood.”

    That’s my guess on his explanation.

  23. Och Will asks: “Does Ken explain how the dinosaurs disappeared after Noah saved some of them in the ark?”

    Yes, of course he explains it. I wrote about it here: Ken Ham Explains Dinosaur Extinction. Quick answer:

    Animals are constantly going extinct from loss of habitat, environmental changes, human predation, and other reasons — because of the effects of sin, the curse, and the Flood. Should God not allow these creatures to suffer the consequences of living in a fallen world?

  24. Also consider this brilliant argument from sub-Hamite Tim Chaffey:

    In short, God could save the dinosaurs on the ark only to have them go extinct later because his ways are higher than ours, etc. etc. Moreover, if you are a goddamn evolutionist you have NO basis for saying that anything is good or bad anyway, so how do you dare to suggest that there is anything illogical about the way God did it?

    Oh, and here is Mr. Chaffey’s entry in the Encyclopedia of American Loons:

  25. Based on the overhead illustration of Ham’s ark, I get the impression that the view of the ark from one side is meant to appear like the ark under construction and the other side portrays the ark upon completion. (???)

    No doubt the three towers someone complained about were necessary for compliance with (1) fire marshall’s evacuation specs for emptying the building within a short period of time,** and (2) ADA rules for handicapped access, (3) and various freight elevators, HVAC, infrastructure, etc.

    That’s just my guess. I don’t know if Ham has blueprints online.

    For those doing baramin calculations etc., keep in mind that unclean animals were represented by two’s/pairs but the clean animals were numbered by the sevens. Debate continues among scholars as to whether the clean animals were present by seven individuals or by seven PAIRS of individuals–but I think Ken Ham has claimed that seven pairs is the meaning of the text. So that means that Ham has imposed that even more difficult numbering scheme whereby every clean animal (e.g., various cud chewing, split-hoof animals, non-scavenger birds, etc.) numbered 14 individuals each.

    As I’ve mentioned, a “life-sized” ark may prove injurious to Ham’s goals in that many non-hypnotized, brain-equipped visitors will leave the exhibit less inclined to accept Ham’s hermeneutic. Among them will be the realization that traditional calculations of cubic feet of capacity didn’t allow for the actual “skeletal structure” of the ark, that is, the enormous load-bearing supports in all three dimensions–and the fact that the wooden beams of Noah’s ark would take up far more internal volume of the ark than would steel beams.

    I’ve never seen an engineer’s calculations of the relevant numbers but I’ve always been amazed that Morris, Gish, et al never seemed to go far beyond the statement that the ark’s dimensions work out to 1.5 million cubic feet–and seemed to pretend that all of that number is usable space! An experienced structural engineer visiting the Ark Encounter could probably do some calculations on his/her cell phone and determine that at least 1/2 of that space would be occupied by support beams alone. Perhaps much more. Of course, if over a year’s supply of fresh water and food must be stored, one wonders if Ham will decide that Noah invented massive food dehydration facilities for preparing the ark’s food stores–and then re-hydrated the food over the course of the year aboard the ark as the animals had need. (So besides the engineering calculation, “creation scientists” must figure out how much space the dehydrated eucalyptus leaves for the koala bears required–and likewise for the pandas’ bamboo.) Perhaps Ham will claim that the ark towed behind it floating palettes of food stores.

    Alas, I’m probably thinking far more than necessary. I hereby predict that Ark Encounter docents will be instructed to apply “The Widow of Zarephath” solution for all food and water questions. That is, a single jar of water and a small box of “universal food stores” will supply all necessary provisions for every creature. When wheeled from cage to cage (or pen to pen), Noah’s sons could reach inside when in front of the aviary and pull out a handful of mealworms….and bales of hay at the antelope pen….and oats at the horse stall….and a cupful of warm blood at the vampire bats’ cage…. (Oops! Scratch that one! No such carnivory and gory stuff until the voyage is over.)

    One reason why the Creation Museum needs so many expensive “security staff” is to constantly monitor the conversations of all visitors and strictly enforce the “no audible critiques of the exhibits” policy. [I’m not joking. It must surely be the only museum in the world where such large staff-to-guest ratios are maintained even though exhibit theft is not the concern.] I think Ham is soon going to discover that the Ark Encounter will need even more “thought police” and “speech control monitors” than the Creation Museum ever has.

    I’m thinking of sending one of the Bible.and.Science.Forum’s operatives to Kentucky next year to apply for one of the many Ark Encounter security staff/docent positions. I’d love to see what the employee handbook and the FAQ memorization booklet looks like. I’ll bet that the default answer when all else fails is “Invoke miracle.” (Better yet, perhaps one of our hackers could “plant” a substitute employee handbook.)

    The mind boggles. As does Ken Ham.
    ** FOOTNOTE: I wonder if PETA and the Humane Society force animal exhibits to be included in fire evacuation time limits and periodic fire drills. Do staff members working near the animals have to grab one-each and lead them to a freight elevator or a specially-designed animal “scoot chute”? Or are concessions made for post-flood “animal sacrifices”/barbecues?

  26. “The entertainment never ends”
    which will justify your nice blog forever. So showing some gratitude now and then would suit you, my dear SC. Like I show mine now. Thanks, Ol’ Hambo!

    “one day in the future God will shut the “door” to our “Ark,” ”
    Sigh from relief. Only in my worst nightmares I can imagine sharing an Ark with Ol’ Hambo. That’s what I’m scared of. Compared to that prospect even the Lake of Fire looks cozy.

    Third Prof “never (has) seen an engineer’s calculations of the relevant numbers”
    Not an engineer, but this guy has learned to calculate as well:

    Here he “answers” some of your questions.

  27. Sarfati has long been a YEC favorite because they proudly point to his PhD in chemistry (Few YECs consider how pathetic and desperate that sounds when they brag about some YECs having “real PhDs!”) and the fact that he is a Messianic Jew. I once had a YEC debate opponent casually dismiss all of my Hebrew exegesis arguments because “What you learned in the classroom, Dr. Sarfati was born having Hebrew blood in his veins!” [Yeah, I can’t make much sense of that either. But in “creation science” circles, having a Jewish name beats Semitic languages cred on a CV, apparently.]

    I’ve not read all of Sarfati’s material but most of the numbers I’ve heard him talk about were retreads from The Genesis Flood or were taken from John Woodmorappe. Thus, when he brings up the Henry Morris’ 1.5 million cubic feet of Ark space argument, he apparently assumes a negligible hull thickness and no space lost to support beams. He goes straight to freight car equivalencies. It’s possible that he got more serious about numeric details in later writings, but he used to cite Woodmorappe as if an inerrant authority on all things needing quantified.

    By the way, I have to chuckle when my YEC appointments complain about my use of a pseudonym, right after they’ve quoted John Woodmorappe at length, apparently oblivious to Woodmorappe being famous not only for that pseudonym but for his habit of citing himself under his real name when he needs to support various of his ideas.

    I was about to share some comical Sarfati quotes but got surprised by a guest… perhaps later.

  28. Holding The Line In Florida

    What this whole thing reminds me of is the Abita Mystery House. The pre-requisite is to go to the Abita Brewery and sample all of their offerings. Then primed go to the Mystery House. As seen on American Pickers, look, laugh, buy the crap that makes you laugh, talk crap all the time. It is amusement. Of course make your comments loud enough that all can hear. It might even open an ear or two. Of course the Hambo police might kick you out or send you on the to the Lake of Fire!

  29. What happened to the dinosaurs? Why, the never made it off the ark. All the carnivorous animals (lions, tigers, bears, etc.) needed lots and lots of meat, so Noah made an executive decision, figuring one lion would just be an appetizer for a T. Rex, but one T. Rex would keep the lions, tigers and bears happy for quite a while (God provided miracle refrigeration in order to preserve all that good T. Rex meat, you see).

    I wonder if Ham is planning to include those miracle refrigerators in his ark?

  30. @mnbo: In Sarfati’s “answers” you provided the link to, Sarfati claims that the “marine limestone atop Mt. Everest” is proof that it was once covered by the Global Flood. It appears that Jonathan Sarfati, Ph.D. has never heard of plate tectonics.