Klinghoffer: Public Defecation Is Darwin’s Fault

The Discovery Institute is rapidly descending into the depths. Their latest is In San Francisco, Watch Where You Step, written by David Klinghoffer, a Discoveroid “senior fellow” (i.e., flaming, full-blown creationist), who eagerly functions as their journalistic slasher and poo flinger. He says, with bold font added by us:

We try to keep the conversation decorous here at ENV [the Discoveroids’ creationist blog] but the story from San Francisco is relevant to our concerns — namely the intersection of science and culture — and sadly, it could not be any more elemental.

Decorous? BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Klinghoffer then informs us of the “elemental” news from San Francisco:

Ahead of Super Bowl 50 and the Christmas shopping season, SF’s Mayor Ed Lee says he’s dead set on clearing homeless “campers” from the streets of the city. It’s not just the inconvenience of tents sprawled in the center of sidewalks of that stylish and affluent city — it’s the sanitary problem involved in what sounds like rampant public defecation.

Rampant public defecation in San Francisco? How horrible! What’s the cause — bacteria in the drinking water? Let’s read on:

Not only San Francisco has this problem. New York is considering decriminalizing public urination, something we observe here in the heart of the Seattle business district as well.

This Discoveroid post is exactly the kind of job at which Klinghoffer excels. Faced with disgusting phenomena like those described above, the staff at Discoveroid headquarters would naturally think: “This is a job for Klinghoffer!” He continues by presenting us with a brilliant question:

But here’s the point. If dogs do it, and the pigeons just on the other side of my office window, why not human beings?

BWAHAHAHAHAHA! This is Klinghoffer at his best! Here’s how it ends:

If we are just another species of animal, offered up by an evolutionary process that attaches no significance to what makes us exceptional, then animal behavior hardly deserves censure.

Golly — he’s right! Such behavior never happened before in human history. It’s the inevitable result of Darwin’s theory, and creationism is the only remedy. But wait — if everyone becomes a creationist, then we’ll be faced with the problem of rampant public drooling!

We need to think about this. But not right now. We’re going out into the back yard to be with the dogs. Miss Scarlett and Aaaargh! know what to do out there. And thanks to Klinghoffer, so does your Curmudgeon.

Copyright © 2015. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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23 responses to “Klinghoffer: Public Defecation Is Darwin’s Fault

  1. If one thinks that humans are purposely designed as they are – among all of the ways that humans could be designed, they have animal bodies rather than like those of plants or fungi -then bodily functions are the work of God, and should not be thought of as repulsive.

    Does the Bible give us any guidance about what Adam and Eve did about waste in the Garden of Eden? Or was that a consequence of the Fall? There are commensal bacteria in our guts.

  2. Christine Janis

    Of course dogs defecate in public places because they’ve been trained not to go in their owner’s house. I believe that children can be trained in a similar, but opposite, manner.

  3. “If we are just another species of animal, offered up by an evolutionary process that attaches no significance to what makes us exceptional, then animal behavior hardly deserves censure.”

    I’ve never, ever seen a creationist who could resist the fallacy of deriving ought from is at some point or another. I’ve even tried explaining it to a few of them and they cannot grasp it. I think this is because that fallacy often forms such a foundational aspect of their rationalization for evolution denial that they cannot let it go.

  4. TomS asks:

    Does the Bible give us any guidance about what Adam and Eve did about waste in the Garden of Eden? Or was that a consequence of the Fall?

    You’ve answered your own question correctly: prior to the Fall, there could not have been any defecation as there was no death. Adam and Eve had no need to eat, as they could not die, and would have been unable to eat without inflicting death (which did not exist) on something living. I would think therefore that, having no need for it, it is very doubtful they possessed an alimentary canal at all.

    When you think about it, Adam was like Superman, but without the full complement of super powers. He could leap off high cliffs of the Grand Canyon, for instance, but, unable to fly, would have plunged to the bottom of the gorge–but simply dusted himself off unscathed and carried on. And he could have swum the entire Atlantic underwater without drowning, and all sorts of other cool stuff!

  5. Is there anything they won’t blame on “Darwinism?”

    It’s raining? Darwinism
    Dog ate my homework? Darwinism
    I dropped my coffee cup? Darwinism.

  6. And don’t overlook the biggest of them all:

    No Darwin, no Discovery Institute!

  7. michaelfugate

    Haven’t they tried to blame the Enlightenment on Darwin? That he could affect the past, present, and future demonstrates the superhuman power his idea possessed.

  8. Rikki_Tikki_Taalik

    @michaelfugate

    Well, Dembski has his “the fall was retroactive” thing, so why not ?

  9. So, Klingleberry sees public defecation as a problem, but poor people living in tents on the sidewalk is no big deal. That sums up his worldview nicely.

  10. Diogenes' Lamp

    They blamed black slavery, Christian racism and the US Civil War on Darwin.

    They blamed every economic recession on Darwin (1929, 2008 etc.)

    They blamed Robin Williams’ suicide on Darwin.

    They blamed New York City’s ban on 28 ounce sodas, not on the Republican mayor Bloomberg who passed it, but on the real culprit, Darwin.

    But the one that really takes the cake is…

    When the “Noah” movie came out, Klinghitler blamed the genocidal violence *in the Book of Genesis* on Darwin.

    I hope, Sensh, you are keeping a list.

  11. Paul S. notes

    Klingleberry sees public defecation as a problem, but poor people living in tents on the sidewalk is no big deal. That sums up his worldview nicely.

    Indeed. The DI’s doctrinal worldview on display here is known as The Revival of the Sh*ttiest

  12. michaelfugate

    The publication of On the Origin of Species obviously created some bizarre fluctuation in time’s arrow if it could be responsible for centuries of racism and slavery prior to it publication.

    @Rikki_Tikki_Taalik
    I am glad to find out that the DI believes OOS to be as earth-shattering as the Fall.

  13. Hay! TomS…He could not jump down the GrandCanyon! It did not exit until after the Flood drained off and made it!
    Again some dim shows who abysmally ignorant he is of basic science.
    We don’t live with our crap because it is very dangerous to us as dogs and birds are a different species and their illnesses are not that bad for us.

  14. Taking the creationist argument to the extreme, since we are made in the image of God, well doesn’t that mean that the Almighty drops a daily deuce? Since the sun did not yet exist for rotation to give days, maybe that’s how it was measured?

  15. Mike Elzinga

    Everything Klinghoffer writes is essentially public defecation.

  16. Diogenes' Lamp

    But it’s OK when they do it.

  17. Holding The Line In Florida

    Damn, Mike Elzinga beat me to the punch on that one. I thought Public Defecation was all the D-idiots do with their screeds! It should make them feel all warm and fuzzy!

  18. michaelfugate

    The main difference is that Klinghoffer drops his with his name on it – what is he 3? Mommy look what I just made! David we’re so proud!

  19. I really get pissed off at this kind of s**t. (Sorry, I couldn’t resist.)

    If we are just another species of animal, offered up by an evolutionary process that attaches no significance to what makes us exceptional, then animal behavior hardly deserves censure.

    But believers in evolution don’t think we’re “just another animal.” Rather, they think we’re a special kind of animal which has evolved (ooh, that word!) complex thought processes which have allowed us to develop behavioral systems which (for healthy adults), discourage (among other things) public peeing and pooing, except, of course, the metaphorical kind engaged in by Bible-pounders.

  20. “The Discovery Institute is rapidly descending into the depths.”
    They have done so since they wrote the Wedge Document and as there is not bottom they will keep on doing so as long as they produce IDiocy.

    I take offense to the deragotory way folks on this site treat such a noble product of Homo Sapiens. Reading that they dare to compare it with what Klinkleclopper produces is bad for my appitite. As a compensation I offer

    https://www.fictionpress.com/s/1978576/1/Ode-to-Poop

  21. Klinghoffer asserts with no evidence that Darwin’s ideas make public poopery acceptable, but the people engaged in it probably know almost nothing about Darwin’s ideas. In fact, if asked, most of them would probably state that they believe in God.

    A god that, unfortunately, does not poof toilets into existence whenever they are needed.

  22. God has no responsibility to poof toilets into existence. He covered that problem in the 23rd chapter of Deuteronomy, and Christians today who aspire to a sin-free life should follow the dictum to the letter. If I recall, another regular commenter called attention to it the other day. The relevant verses read as follows:

    “12 Thou shalt have a place also without the camp, whither thou shalt go forth abroad:
    13 And thou shalt have a paddle upon thy weapon; and it shall be, when thou wilt ease thyself abroad, thou shalt dig therewith, and shalt turn back and cover that which cometh from thee. . . .”

    So the responsibility rests squarely on the individual defecator to carry a suitable tool and to dig a hole and bury the product in it in a place outside the camp. God, San Francisco, and Darwin are all off the hook.

  23. Ceteris Paribus

    Has Klinghoffer already forgotten one of the earliest proofs against Creationism, provided by the distaff side of the population?

    Simply, what Intelligent Designer would furnish the male population with a playground that has a sewer system right down the middle?

    Klinghoffer’s post does prove that Creationists are willing to be seen void of reason in public.