Creative Challenge #23: The Discoveroids

The absence of creationism from the news requires that we present you with another Creative Challenge. This one is about the Discovery Institute, which we consdider to be Enemies of the Enlightenment.

We know that the Discoveroids’ legislative campaign seems to have totally bogged down. Other than Louisiana and Tennessee, their bizarre Academic Freedom bills have failed in every state that has considered them. They still have a number of drooling legislators who will continue trying to force creationism into the public schools, but further “successes” are likely to be few.

Their litigation campaigns have fared even worse. Aside from some nuisance settlements, which they hail as victories, they have never won a trial in any courtroom — see the National Center for Science Education’s list of Ten Major Court Cases about Evolution and Creationism.

And of course they have been total failures on the scientific front. They have no research program that makes any scientific sense. They do a lot of nit-picking about the actual research of others, but they have never published anything in any respected, peer-reviewed science journal that supports their “theory” of intelligent design.

It’s safe to predict that there will never be any scientific breakthroughs that support their “theory” or any other form of creationism. A breakthrough in creation science is about as likely as one that supports astrology — it’s not going to happen. Despite all the books they write and the noise they make on the internet, neither the Discoveroids nor any other creationists have had any impact on science, industry, agriculture, medicine, academia, or any other rational endeavor.

We watch what goes on at the Discoveroids’ creationist blog. Their recent postings have been largely chaotic, with no apparent theme. We can’t figure out what’s going on in their dingy Seattle headquarters, other than arranging occasional revivals at churches and bible colleges, and of course flattering their generous patrons in order to keep the funds flowing.

That’s the background for our latest question. The form of today’s challenge is that you must tell us, with reasonable brevity:

What secret plans are the Discoveroids now working on?

You know the rules: A successful entry should be self-explanatory. You may enter the contest as many times as you wish, but you must avoid profanity, vulgarity, childish anatomical analogies, etc. Also, avoid slanderous statements about individuals. Feel free to comment on the entries submitted by others — with praise, criticism, or whatever — but you must do so tastefully.

There may not be a winner of this contest, but if there is, your Curmudgeon will decide, and whenever we get around to it we’ll announce who the winner is. There is no tangible prize — as always in life’s great challenges, the accomplishment is its own reward. We now throw open the comments section, dear reader. Go for it!

Copyright © 2015. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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11 responses to “Creative Challenge #23: The Discoveroids

  1. I see the headline already:

    DONALD TRUMP ANNOUNCES WILLIAM DEMBSKI AS RUNNING MATE

  2. We watch what goes on at the Discoveroids’ creationist blog. Their recent postings have been largely chaotic, with no apparent theme. We can’t figure out what’s going on in their dingy Seattle headquarters, other than arranging occasional revivals at churches and bible colleges, and of course flattering their generous patrons in order to keep the funds flowing.

    It sounds as though their “secret plans” involve fighting to stay afloat while not letting the uninitiated know they’re clinging to a leaky raft.

  3. A “We aren’t Animals” campaign with Weird Dave Klinghoffer and his backing band The Humans or perhaps In His Image? doing bad parodies of “The Animals” such as “Don’t let me be Understood”, “House of the Rising Son”, and “We Gotta get into this Place (Heaven)”.

  4. Next thing you know creationists will try to prove the existence of unicorns, since the KJV talks so much about them: Job. 39:9-10; Psalm 22:21, 29:6, 92:10; Isaiah 34:7; Num. 23:22, 24:8; Deut. 33:17.

  5. The Discoveroids seem to be in survival mode. Their main focus seems to be to calm and placate their benefactors in order to keep their cash cow paying up. I think that they have almost totally turned their attention inward, so their next secret project will be directed towards maintaining the largess of their drooling benefactors. Exactly how that plays out will only be limited to what people awash in intellectual dishonesty and technical incompetence can concoct. But fear not, for they will be around as long as drool can keep them afloat.

  6. The clowns at the Discovery Institution don’t run on rationality; hate and resentment are keeping them alive at the moment.

    I suspect that they are just waiting for the political winds to turn in their favor. There is little doubt that they are smoldering with anger and resentment; and they are counting on discouragement and lethargy keeping informed voters away from the polls. They are also counting on more stealth voter suppression of Blacks and Latinos.

    If more of the Mad-Hater Tea Party types gain more seats in Congress and if one of the Far Right candidates gets into the White House, you can bet that there will be a huge legislative push to get the ID/creationist agenda passed into the law of the land; let the courts be damned.

    Governor Sam Brownback of Kansas has set a future template for the Far Right to use in bringing down the “activist judges” in the courts; simply cut off all funding to the courts. If that same template gets tried by Congress to bully the US Supreme Court and other Federal Courts, one can see that as a tactic that would appeal to the Far Right.

    The issue in this upcoming election is whether there will enough anger and disgust among rational voters to get out and vote and put a stop to the political madness generated by the anger and resentment on the Far Right.

    Lethargy on the part of rational voters gives the Far Right what it wants; and I suspect that much of what has been going on in the Republican Party right now is directed at turning off the rational voting public and inflaming the Far Right nutcases. Rational, knowledgeable, and moderate voters had better beware and get out there and vote.

  7. I should imagine their trying to get their heads around the South African find Homo Naledi. If these hominids were created they were certainly a little earlier than adam and eve.

  8. What secret plans are the Discoveroids now working on? Nothing short of the overthrow of Pope Francis for his support of evolution.

    I don’t know exactly how they plan to accomplish this, because — well, because their plans are secret, after all. But they are working on it, I’m sure.

  9. SC writes “What secret plans are the Discoveroids working on?”
    A Discoveroid cook book is in the works.
    Some favorites will include
    Casey’s Chili….. Its indigestible, highly improbable and is certified to
    contain no logical ingredients.
    Westies Fundraiser Ratatouille……imitation everything boiled down to an
    unrecognizable goo
    Klingon Monday Special…..boil red meat t rex soup bone for a week,
    add a cup of fraud and six ounces unintelligible gibberish, bake until
    junk DNA breaks down into individual miracles, sprinkle with used car
    salesman salt
    Jack Chick filet……mix 2 gallons paranoia cement with second grade
    art education and economy sized creationism Kool Aid, pour over
    steamed fundamentalism rice and home school Beano pills
    And the top Discoveroid cook book recipe
    Behe Retroactive Astonishment Calculus Stew….combine two parts
    religious beliefs to high school statistics classwork, mix liberally with
    weak personality book royalties chicken stock and heaping tablespoon
    of essence of church pot luck mac and cheese . Season with BS
    Provide extra TUMS for those diners with an education level beyond the
    4th grade.

  10. The Discoveroid Cook Book previewed by Och Will sounds a winner!

    I am hoping it will include some dessert recipes as well, such as Key Lie Pie (also known as Half-Baked Nebraska Man).

  11. Next thing you know creationists will try to prove the existence of unicorns, since the KJV talks so much about them:

    Scientists have already provided overwhelming evidence (leaving “prove” and “proofs” to the mathematicians) for the existence of unicorns, better known today as an Indian Rhinoceros. In the 1611 English of the King James Bible translators, unicorn (Latin for “one horn”, obviously) was what people called the animal which sailors and traders had described back home as “a short-legged draft horse with a single horn on his nose.” Of course, that description also explains why the Greek words for “nose-horn”, rhino+ceros, eventually became the name of the animal’s genus. So, it made complete sense for Karl Linnaeus to tag the Indian Rhinoceros with the scientific name zoologists use today: Rhinoceros unicornis.

    Thus, today it may seem easy to blame the KJV Bible translation team for being virtually stumped by an obscure Hebrew word which we now usually assume to have meant “wild ox”, but their thinking that the word meant “unicorn” as in Rhinoceros unicornis was not such a bad guess—especially when one admits that they had virtually no Hebrew lexicography tools in 1611 like we take for granted today.

    Even so, this attempt at mockery should serve as a humbling reminder: When trying to make fun of creationists, KJV-only-ists, or the Bible in general, it’s always wise to check the facts first. Otherwise, one’s opponent may get the last laugh at your expense.