Saggy Pants, Short Shorts, and God’s Will

This article appears at the website used by three Alabama newspapers — the Huntsville Times, the Birmingham News, and Mobile’s Press-Register — but we don’t know which newspaper it’s in. This is the headline:One Alabama city is now considering banning mini-skirts and short shorts.

This isn’t about creationism, but we’re confident that the city in question is run by creationists. The news article already has 850 comments, so we think this should be a lively topic topic for an otherwise slow weekend. Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us:

After first proposing an ordinance banning saggy pants, the Dadeville City Council is now considering banning short shorts and mini-skirts.

First it’s saggy pants, now it’s short skirts. What next — a ban on falsies? Wikipedia has an article on Dadeville, Alabama. Hey — the population at the last census was 3,212. Nice place!

Here’s what a member of the city council said about the proposed ordinance:

Dadeville City Councilwoman Stephanie Kelley said it shouldn’t just be men who are singled out on their attire. “My concern is it should be for everybody,” Kelley said … . “I think for the girls, with these shorts up so high looking like under garments and dresses so short, I don’t want us to be showing favoritism.”

That sounds fair and balanced. Here’s one more excerpt:

According to the Alex City Outlook, other city council members showed support for the ordinance.

We found that other newspaper article: Dadeville may add some women’s attire to saggy pants ban. They talk about the sagging pants ordinance:

The sagging pants issue was first brought forward by fellow council member Frank Goodman at the Aug 25 meeting. Goodman further explained his reasons for the ordinance to ban ‘slacking’:

“It is about respect,” Goodman said. “Who is going to respect you if you don’t respect yourself. The reason I brought this up is I think people deserve respect when they are in public. I think slacking is disrespectful. I think it gives our younger generation the wrong impression of what is cool.”

The city of Dadeville is fortunate to have such thoughtful leaders. The article continues with another quote from councilman Goodman:

“I prayed about this. I know that God would not go around with pants down.”

No indeed! We don’t need to wonder about the quality of the Dadeville school — we assume they have only one. We’d be shocked — shocked! — if they weren’t teaching creationism.

Copyright © 2015. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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17 responses to “Saggy Pants, Short Shorts, and God’s Will

  1. Does god wear short-shorts or a mini-skirt? If he’s in town is he subject to the same dress code as everyone else? Lets just hope he keeps himself buttoned up.

  2. Isn’t the sky fairy alleged to have made us in his own image, so if people are wandering around in baggy pants and short skirts, I have faith the sky fairy must have tried it at least once.

  3. And to paraphrase the Royal Teens 1957 song: Who wears short shorts? God wears short shorts!

  4. I remember reading about how closet homosexual Christians hate openly gay people because they can’t bear to look at other gays who are so comfortable with themselves. I suspect that we are seeing something similar here.

  5. At one time, Deuteronomy 22:5 was cited against women wearing trousers or shorts. I don’t know what Scriptural basis there is against baggy pants and miniskirts.

  6. “I prayed about this. I know that God would not go around with pants down.”
    This is wrong on so many levels.Too bad the author of the above can’t read his bible. According the Exodus 33:17-23 god mooned Moses, there is even Christian art showing this.

  7. Looks to be a creationist controversy brewing in the old south. Will anyone demand that the kids be allowed to decide? Wasn’t that a rallying cry at one point in time?

  8. Whoa!! Somehow my two links expanded into a page, which was not my intension. How does one reference kinks without having them automatically inflate?

  9. Ceteris Paribus


    Not to worry. The kinks probably did not inflate automatically. It’s likely just an optical illusion of perspective, resulting from the difficulty of painting on the underside of a dome while simultaneously being suspended on a scaffold a couple hundred feet above the floor.

  10. But we like seeing men in short shorts and miniskirts!

  11. Eons ago they banned mini-skirts in my high school, then a few months later they banned granny gowns. I guess there was just too much masturbation going on in the Admin Building to handle high school fashion trends.

  12. It is really stupid passing an ordinance against droopy drawers, baggy pants or short shorts, Just put a few photos online and in the newspapers of some 50-year olds adopting the fashion and they will go out of fashion with the younger set lickety-split.

  13. @Steve Ruis: Lickety-split? You can bet your bippy the Dadeville City Council will ban that too.

    I wonder if they specified a minimum age for enforcement of their baggy-pants ordinance. In my mind, I’m picturing a cop issuing a ticket to a toddler with a full diaper. Would the mother be responsible for paying the fine, or they wait for the kid to come of age? Also, does their prohibition of short shorts apply to men as well, or just women?

  14. “Would the mother be responsible for paying the fine”
    Fine? That upstanding community would most likely commit the baby to a prison sentence, or at least a thorough beating:
    Prov 23:13: “Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die.”

  15. “I prayed about this. I know that God would not go around with pants down.”

    I cannot see this phrase anywhere in the article. Has it been removed?

  16. Andy Joel, it’s still there. Are you looking in the right newspaper article?

  17. Hmmm. These are most likely small government Republicans yes? Who want to pass a non-enforceable statute. Ah I get it. Small government means leave me alone, not that guy over there behind the tree. Settled.