Documentary: Finding Noah’s Ark

We have a treat for you today, dear reader, which we found at the website of Pat Robertson’s Christian News Network: Finding Noah’s Ark: Documentary Explores Ongoing Search for Biblical Vessel.

We know you can’t wait to learn about this one, so here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us:

Is Noah’s Ark still hiding somewhere today, waiting to be discovered? A documentary coming to theaters nationwide next week explores the ongoing search for the world’s most famous vessel and documents the dangers involved in the centuries-old quest.

Oooooooooooooooh — a documentary! We’re so excited! And we know you are too. Here’s more:

After the floodwaters subsided, the ark came to rest “upon the mountains of Ararat,” according to Genesis 8:4. Today, Mount Ararat is the tallest mountain in Turkey, with a towering, snow-capped summit and an elevation of nearly 17,000 feet. It consists of two dormant volcanic cones — Greater Ararat and Lesser Ararat.

Volcanoes — it sounds dangerous! Let’s read on:

Is the ark resting somewhere on Mount Ararat to this day? Many experts are convinced it is, and, on October 8, moviegoers around the country will have the chance to witness the latest attempts to locate the vessel. “Finding Noah: An Adventure of Faith” is a new film that will debut in movie theaters next week.

Wow — the 8th of October. That’s not very far away! [*Curmudgeon interrupts his blogging to mark his calendar*] Hey — the film has a website: Finding Noah. Oh, wait — this next excerpt is important:

More than 600 theaters are scheduled to show the film on October 8. The producers say their documentary will only be in theaters for one day.

Only one day? Aaaargh!! There will be lines around the block, and you’ll have to go early to be assured of getting in. The news continues:

“Shot in never-before filmed locations and in the harshest of conditions, this unprecedented feature-length documentary shows just how far men are willing to go to discover the truth,” explains the film’s website. “Narrated by Academy Award nominee Gary Sinise, ‘Finding Noah’ is more than a quest for answers, it is a testament of the human spirit, where belief and the need for exploration transcend risk and limitation.”

Gary Sinise? He was in Apollo 13. This thing keeps getting better and better. Uh oh … [*Curmudgeon takes another break to make a quick run to the bathroom*] Okay, we’re back. Here’s one more excerpt:

Biblical scholars have long wondered if Noah’s Ark has survived the thousands of years since the Great Flood. Dr. John Morris, a leading biblical creationist, points out that the Bible does not mention anything about the ark’s survival. However, he believes that “a well-documented and scientifically viable discovery would be quite newsworthy, and it is exciting to consider how it might impact world culture.”

There you are, dear reader. That’s the news for today — perhaps it’s the biggest news of the year! We know what you’ll all be doing on 08 October.

Copyright © 2015. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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27 responses to “Documentary: Finding Noah’s Ark

  1. Things I’ll be doing on October 8th:
    Pondering Halloween costumers (Skeksis? Too bold?)
    Folding laundry
    Catching up on Facebook messages

    Sorry, Curm, I’m swamped. Looks like you’re going solo.

  2. Charles Deetz ;)

    Like AIG’s reaction to water on Mars, I say ‘so what’ if they find the ark on the Mount. It would just be a big boat on a mountain, it doesn’t prove the flood happened.

  3. Might they also uncover the bodies of the untold numbers of people killed in the flood, and maybe some dinosaur bones as well?

  4. Shot in never-before filmed locations

    Unless David McConachie got there first.

  5. So, this is a documentary about what they HAVEN’T found?

    Or as Curmy is so fond of saying … “BWAHAHAHAHAHA!”

  6. Wait a minute … “Finding Noah, An Adventure in Faith”? WTF? They are looking for proof, which has nothing to do with faith. If you have faith, you do not need proof. This isn’t an adventure in faith but an adventure in propping up faith.

    What they need is an explanation for why all of the sea-going dinosaurs drowned during the flood. Their argument is that fossils are where they are because the great Flood killed all of the land dinos by drowning. But what about the oceans teeming with water adapted dinos, many of whom were top predators. We should still have oceans abounding with Jurassic monsters if they are right.

  7. Steve, the argument is that the oceans were in such turmoil that the creatures of the deep were killed. Yeah, tidal forces powerful enough to kill Jurassic deep-sea predators, so, a storm powerful enough to smash the water into a thick layer of mist.

    Somehow, there were still rafts of trees on the surface that drifted along without any issue, though.

    In other words, goddidit.

  8. One problem for Bible-literalists. The name “Ararat” was given to that mountain centuries after the completion of the Bible. It is an anachronism to say that the Bible is referring to something with a name which it didn’t have in Biblical times. To take the plain meaning of the phrase “on the mountains of Ararat”, it means “somewhere in Ararat, that mountainous region”, and at least one early translation (Latin) identifies it as “Armenia”.

  9. Finding Noah’s Ark is a futile quest because Yahweh, in all his infinite wisdom, brought the Ark down on the volcanic Ararat so that He could then blast the locally indigenous animals to their intended locations. Kakapos and Kangaroos to Australia. Polar bears and penguins to the Arctic. Blind cave fish and crustaceans to all the underground caves. Etc, etc.

    Unfortunately in the blasts, the Ark was destroyed. But this was also by Design™. Believing the bible, literally, is — just like the documentary — an adventure of faith. And the more you have, the more gold plating you get on your mansion in the sky.

  10. Reflectory I like it “intelligent blasting”. Maybe AiG should be looking for the missing chapter of Genesis describing how a drunken Noah inadvertently sent all the marsupials to the southern hemisphere…

  11. “Is the ark resting somewhere on Mount Ararat to this day? Many experts are convinced it is”

    Who exactly is an “expert” on the Ark, and how do you get to be one?

  12. Hmmm, blasting things with volcanoes. That rings a bell. Were there any Thetans on the ark? Should they be looking for radiation left over from H-bombs?

  13. Ted: “Who exactly is an “expert” on the Ark…”
    Look for the guy with the shovel standing behind that funny looking cow with big horns.

  14. Rob asks the wrong question: “So, this is a documentary about what they HAVEN’T found?”

    No, this is a “documentary” about what they NEVER will find – because they are looking at the wrong place.

    After the floodwaters subsided, the ark came to rest “upon the mountains of Ararat,” according to Genesis 8:4. Today, Mount Ararat is the tallest mountain in Turkey.”

    That one little letter s makes a difference of a few hundreds of miles, as TomS already pointed out (the most popular theory these days is that the mountains of Ararat refer to the Kingdom of Urartu, which is a bit south of what today is Armenia).

  15. I thought Noah’s ark was already found with some artifacts at the Wyatt museum, you know the one run by Bible Boy David Rives’ daddy? He has all kinds of good stuff including:
    •Fences from Noah’s farm,
    •Anchor Stones from Noah’s Ark,
    •laminated Deck Timber from the Ark,
    •Noah’s Altar,
    •Tombs with Tombstones of Noah and his wife,

    And come for the ark, stay for the the Ark of the Covenant

    Oh and don’t forget to call ahead, it ain’t like that place is busy!

  16. There is a set of calculations one can do that bracket the minimum energy scenario of the Flood. That minimum energy scenario is the one in which all the rain comes from “the canopy” and floods the Earth to the top of Mt. Everest.

    In that scenario, the rate of energy deposition on the Earth’s surface is about 40 kilograms of TNT going off every second over every square meter of the Earth’s surface for 40 days and nights. The temperature of the atmospheres rises to around 10,500 degrees Fahrenheit in about 6 days, and the atmospheric pressure goes to about 860 atmospheres.

    All other scenarios – e.g., those that involve the “fountains of the deep,” gouging out ocean basins, and building up the continents to their current heights – involve far higher rates of energy deposition onto the surface of the Earth. The YECs to whom this has been pointed out don’t display any understanding of what these calculations mean. If you say “canopy,” they come back with, “that isn’t how it happened;” demonstrating that they certainly don’t get what choosing the minimum energy scenario entails and what it means for any other scenario they choose when trying to avoid the embarrassing problems of energy deposition.

    So, not only does building a seaworthy wooden ark of that size violate the laws of physics, such an ark could not withstand the monstrous waves and the 40 kilograms of TNT per second per square meter being deposited on its deck along with that 10,500 degree Fahrenheit temperature rise and 860 atmospheres increase in pressure. And this says nothing about what the animals and humans could withstand in all that tossing and churning for 40 days and nights.

    Noah’s Ark is a children’s story concocted by ancient people who had no understanding of the laws of physics. Contrary to the awe in which these ancient writers are held by YECs, they were not scientifically literate or particularly wise.

  17. I wonder whether anyone has built a memorial to the Ark on Mount Ararat – or some one of the various other mountains that have been speculated as the landing site. A medieval pilgrimage site, perhaps. An early-day Ham?

    BTW, this sort of thing sounds like encroaching Catholicism in the Reformed
    tradition. They’re celebrating Christmas, constructing icons (like 10 Commandments carvings). Who knows what next – prayers for the dead?

  18. “I firmly believe that the governments of Turkey, Russia, and the United States know exactly where the ark sits. They suppress the information, but (…) God is in charge. The structure will be revealed in its time. We climb the mountain and search, hoping it is, in fact, God’s time as we climb. Use us, O Lord, is our prayer”.

    Richard Carl Bright: Quest for Discovery: One Man’s Epic Search for Noah’s Ark, New Leaf Press, 2001

  19. I haven’t looked this up yet, but I heard once that there’s a mention of Noah’s ark in the write-up of Marco Polo’s journey to the Far East. Is that true? Was that introduced (i.e., not in the original text)? I’m not sure I’ve heard creation cultists mention Marco Polo & the ark.

  20. I looked up the showtimes locally, and it is definitely showing only on Thursday the 8th, and for only one showing in the theaters I looked at.

    I wonder if they are charging the theaters anything. This certainly doesn’t seem like an effort to make money, or even recoup expenses. I suspect it is being shown only so they can claim that it was shown in theaters before releasing it to churches where they will make their money.

  21. Oh, Ed, you are so cynical. And most likely correct.

  22. “Bible scholars” don’t think the Ark actually existed or that a worldwide flood ever occurred. They recognize Noah’s flood as the Jewish version of a widespread flood myth with older Sumerian, Babylonian, and Greek versions.

    And as TomS notes, the biblical “mountains of Ararat” are not in Turkey at all. They are the mountains of greater Armenia and northern Kurdistan. A “Bible scholar”, if this documentary had consulted with any, would know that.

  23. @michaelfugate:
    You quote I firmly believe …. This, to me, is indicative of all of the creationist stuff that we see. They firmly believe, with no reason at all. No, it isn’t in the Bible that the remains of Noah’s Ark are preserved on Mount Ararat. No, there is no plausibility that there ever was a physical, historical Noah’s Ark. All there is that firm belief, and if we doubt that, we are the enemy. We are those people who would point out how like the human body is like those of chimps and other apes, contrary to the firm belief that it can’t be true. How can one have any common ground when firm belief trumps everything else, evidence, reason and even what the Bible has to say or is silent about?

  24. A 17,000′ water column covering the earth? And thats just when the waters were subsiding.
    Whats wrong with this picture.?
    Nothing apparently, according to creationists.

  25. @dweller42:
    Even worse than that, there are people who actually believe that the Flood waters were so violent that they could carve out the Grand Canyon. And then realize that there is nothing in the Bible which even hints at that. They just make stuff up, right and left, as if what the Bible does say weren’t
    hard enough to imagine.
    Why aren’t the creationists called out on that sort of thing?