An Intelligently Designed Bikini

Bikini

Our routine news sweeps for the phrase “intelligent design” rarely produce anything relevant to the pseudo-scientific theory promoted by the Discoveroids. What we mostly find are articles about new products and architectural designs. But every now and then, one of those is worth mentioning — for example: Hey Discoveroids — Here’s Real Intelligent Design, which was about Japanese toilet seats that had features such as automatic disinfection, bidet services, warmers, perfumes and “masking noises” that can cover up any indiscreet sounds while one is using the loo.

Today we found another product worth mentioning. A website called I4U News, which describes itself as “the premiere daily news site for the geek minds reporting about the latest news in technology, business, celebrity gossip, sports, entertainment and politics,” has this headline: 3D-Printed Bikini Cleans Water as You Swim.

But first, we must jump ahead in that article to give you the excerpt that triggered our news search:

The special bikini exhibits intelligent design and it is the “in” thing right now in environmental science. The nanotechnology that goes into its making is very fine and intricate in its nature.

Did you get that? This is intelligent design in actual use! Okay, here are a few excerpts, with some bold font added by us for emphasis:

It is designed as a water-repellent substance with the exception being that it will absorb and trap any toxic materials in the water. The novel bikini was created by engineers at the University of California Riverside. The matrix of the material is known as a Sponge Suit. It grabbed the first prize at the Reshape 2015 International Design Competition.

The picture of the intelligently designed bikini above this post was copied from the site of the design competition. We hope we’re not violating anyone’s copyright. Let’s read on:

The material may be recycled and it has a reasonable price. It opens up exciting possibilities in eco-friendly wearable technology. The people who participated on the team of researchers responsible for the material included in their repertoire: Mihri Ozkan, Cengiz Ozkan, Daisy Patino and Hamed Bay.

Exciting indeed! We hope the Discovery Institute gives proper recognition to those researchers. The article continues:

The Sponge Suit is water-resistant and made by heating sucrose. The material absorbs toxic effluvia to an extent that is 25 times greater than its own weight. And when it is heated to a temperature above 1000 degrees Celsius, it lets go of the toxins at once. This is something which works in synch with the goals of environmentalists.

That, and the photo, are probably enough to, ah, stimulate your interest. We heartily congratulate the inventors, and of course the Discoveroids, without whom this product would never have been invented.

Copyright © 2015. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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10 responses to “An Intelligently Designed Bikini

  1. Yes, yes, SC. I just saw that article this morning! Clearly evidence of intelligent design, and far better than any discoveroid could produce, even outdoes the blessed designer him/her/itself!

  2. If the purpose of the material is to detoxify water, the quantity in this bikini is way too small. A pool owner would be well advised to invite a group of women wearing burkhas made of the “eco-friendly wearable technology” to a pool party.

    On the other hand, if this bikini is designed primarily to perform the usual function of a bikini, it is a raging success. I especially like the way the waistband is shaped, just to keep anyone from missing the point, as it were.

  3. Our Curmudgeon mentions an Intelligently-Designed Japanese toilet that, inter alia, can produce

    “masking noises” that can cover up any indiscreet sounds while one is using the loo

    What are these ‘indiscreet sounds’ of which you speak? Do you mean, the furtive workings of a Creationist as he installs a concealed camera?

  4. Megalonyx asks:

    What are these ‘indiscreet sounds’ of which you speak?

    Olivia tells me there’s no way I could explain it to you. She says that only a few minutes in your presence exposed her to continuous uttering of “Oook, oook!,” accompanied by the ghastly sounds of gastric distress.

  5. I spent a month in Japan this summer and, boy howdy, do I miss those toilet seats. So many buttons! The only indiscrete sounds that came out of me were squeals of delight as I discovered a new function. I’ll be talking with my plumber real soon. Stay tuned for an update.

  6. I’m not sure it bikini is as intelligently designed as it seems. First, it “absorbs toxic effluvia to an extent that is 25 times greater than its own weight”. If the bikini weighs 1 pound, then by the time you’re done cleaning you’re also wearing 25 lbs of “toxic effluvia”. Second, it isn’t clear if the bikini needs to be removed before “it is heated to a temperature above 1000 degrees Celsius”, but one would presume that it would be a good idea.

  7. “And when it is heated to a temperature above 1000 degrees Celsius, it lets go of the toxins at once.”

    I’m not impressed. If you heated ME to a temperature above 1000 degrees Celsius, I too would let go of my toxins at once.

  8. …heated to a temperature above 1000 degrees Celsius…

    Is the bikini made of tungsten? Refractory brick?

  9. jr:
    “…it “absorbs toxic effluvia to an extent that is 25 times greater than its own weight”. If the bikini weighs 1 pound, then by the time you’re done cleaning you’re also wearing 25 lbs of “toxic effluvia”.

    Retired Prof:
    “A pool owner would be well advised to invite a group of women wearing burkhas made of the “eco-friendly wearable technology” to a pool party.”

    The women wearing the burkhas better be strong swimmers.

  10. Coming out of the water in a heavy, toxic, swimsuit is just sooooo appealing.