Ken Ham: How To Indoctrinate Children

There’s a great new article at Answers in Genesis (AIG) which we found at the blog of Ken Ham (ol’ Hambo), the Australian entrepreneur who has become the ayatollah of Appalachia. He’s famed for his creationist ministry, Answers in Genesis (AIG) and for the mind-boggling Creation Museum.

Hambo’s post is titled Teaching Doctrine to Kids. Wowie — this is just what you’ve been looking for! Doctrine is what the kiddies need. Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us. He begins by describing a problem that has probably occurred to all of you:

Do you sometimes struggle with teaching Christian doctrine and theology to your kids? Many parents feel that doctrine is just too deep a topic for young kids and they have no idea how to “kiddify” it. But teaching our kids solid doctrine is essential for safeguarding them from compromise and for encouraging real faith — and we need to pass the torch of unwavering faith to the next generation by teaching them to think biblically. So how should parents go about this task?

Yes, oh yes! We all want to pass real faith on to the next generation. But how do we go about it? Hambo says:

Well, we have a new resource from Pastor Jess Davenport (a pastor of a local church in Northern Kentucky where a number of AiG staff attend), foreworded by myself, that will help you do just that!

[*Begin Drool Mode*] Ooooooooooooh! [*End Drool Mode*] Let’s read on:

God Is Really Really Real contains 30 core Christian doctrines in an easy-to-teach format. This book is great for younger children with more in-depth material available for older children.

Isn’t that a wonderful title? Hambo continues:

Each doctrine contains a Scripture verse, a short kid-friendly explanation of that doctrine, and an in-depth paragraph for parents to help you answer questions and go into more detail for older kids. There are also some great “Tuck-in Questions” to make sure your child understands what they’re hearing.

It sounds perfect! What else could anyone want? Then ol’ Hambo gives a great analogy:

Sometimes in my talks I compare teaching children to love God’s Word to the Australian favorite, Vegemite. Vegemite is a spread of salt and yeast that Australians like myself love to spread on toast or crackers. [Yuk!] Most non-Australians, though, can’t stand the stuff. Australian parents put a little bit on their kid’s tongues when they are young to get them used to the taste, and they grow up loving it. I believe that is similar to what we need to do with God’s Word for our kids—introduce it to them little bit by little bit when they’re young so that “when they are old, they will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6). As Australians acquire a taste for vegemite, our kids need to acquire a taste for the things of the Lord right from when they are born. This book can help you do just that.

That analogy may be even better than Hambo thinks it is. Your Curmudgeon is in awe. Not only is Ken Ham the world’s holiest man, the world’s greatest bible expert, and the world’s most knowledgeable scientist, but now it seems he’s also the world’s greatest educational expert.

The rest of the post is an ad for the book, so we’ll quit here. You’ve been given much to think about, dear reader. We hope you put this information to good use.

Copyright © 2015. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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18 responses to “Ken Ham: How To Indoctrinate Children

  1. Until this is considered child abuse, humanity will continue to be stuck in the mud.

  2. michaelfugate

    I believe that is similar to what we need to do with God’s Word for our kids—introduce it to them little bit by little bit when they’re young so that “when they are old, they will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6).

    Didn’t work for me – so it is not foolproof.

  3. God Is Really Really Real

    I suppose the idea is that, if you say it three times, it must be true.

    introduce it to them little bit by little bit when they’re young so that “when they are old, they will not depart from it”

    Like heroin.

    I do like vegemite/marmite, though, so — aaargh! — I have something in common with Ken Ham.

  4. I have heard these xtian hypocrites scream about how atheists and secularists are ‘INDOCTRINATING’ our kids and then like old Hambone talk about how to indoctrinate your kids into believing fairy tales.

  5. L.Long says: “I have heard these xtian hypocrites scream about how atheists and secularists are ‘INDOCTRINATING’ our kids”

    You’ve heard it from Hambo himself: Who’s Really (Falsely) Indoctrinating Kids?

  6. Ceteris Paribus

    Yes! Yes! Just a little dab now and then to acclimate the kiddies. But only until they are hooked acclimated, and can handle this powerful product by the Magnum!

    But do not let them touch that benighted “Vegamite” from the land of Ham. What you want for YOUR kiddies is the one, true,
    Curmudgeonite[Courtesy of Tomato Addict]

  7. I love Marmite – mother indoctrinated me by giving it on hot buttered toast as Marmite soldiers. Didn’t come with a side of religion.

  8. Yeah – vegemite is OK. When I visited Australia in 2006 for a Cambrian field conference to see & collect fossils, I was introduced to vegemite. I found it’s best on toast with butter on first, then a thin layer of vegemite (it’s got a strong flavor, so you don’t want it to overpower other things), plus a little honey on top of that. The buttery flavor mixes nicely with the salty and sweet.

  9. Funny – my son went to a catholic school (for three years) and an islamic one (also three years). When he was 7 or so I told him once that I did not believe, though his mother did (and does).
    He became an atheist at the age of 13 all by himself.

  10. IOW: If, from today, no child on earth were filled with superstitious religious fairy tales, organised religion would be extinct in a generation.

    The resulting reduction in intolerance, bigotry, violence and war would be measureable. It would not be a perfect world, for our capacity for discord and conflict is enormous, but it would be a better world than has ever been known in the whole of recorded human history.

  11. I can’t wait for the next revision of the pastor’s book:

    “Really, Honestly, the Lord is Really Really Really Real, Like for sure He’s Really Really Real. Just Trust Me On This One! Oh by the way, you are going to burn in a lake of fire for all eternity, really.”

  12. Cnocspeireag

    ‘Australian parents put a little bit on their kid’s tongues when they are young to get them used to the taste, and they grow up loving it’.
    Sounds like the way dealers get children into heroin, crack etc.

  13. In creationist/ fundamentalist rhetoric, the quantity of modifiers in the vein of (“real,” “true,” etc) is inversely proportionate to the actuality thereof.

  14. @Reflectory not withstanding, I’m now working on my own kiddie book, which will be titled Reality is Really, Really Real — Really! (®RSG).

    It will be filled with really, really good reality stuff, like how we know the Earth is really, really 4.6 billion years old, and the youngest dinosaur fossils are really, really 65 million years old, and the earliest evidence of life on Earth are fossilized algae deposits that are really, really like 3.8 billion years old, and… well, I’m sure you really, really get the picture.

    I think I can put all this in terms that even young children can understand. Hey, I taught this s##t to 12-year-olds for 27 years. granted, there’s a big difference between 5-year-olds and 12-year-olds, but a lit bit on the tongue…

  15. Megalonyx:
    “The resulting reduction in intolerance, bigotry, violence and war would be measurable.”

    Agreed. Actually, if churches all practiced what they claim to be the teachings of Jesus — tolerance, love of fellow man and non-violence — we would obtain similar results, at least in the parts of the world where the majority claim to be Christian. Unfortunately, too many have tolerance only for those of the same sect, accept only those of the same race, and feel it’s necessary to use force to control the actions of others.

    The fellowship and love that can be provided by a church can be a powerful uplifting force. And shouldn’t this be the Christian message, rather than a blind devotion to an intolerant interpretation of scripture?

    Ken Ham, you are doing more to destroy the church than promote it.

  16. michaelfugate

    I think John Lennon wrote a song about that….

  17. @michaelfugate:

    Yeah – and look what happened to him.

  18. Dave Luckett

    Kenny says that Australian parents put a little vegemite on their children’s tongues, and they grow up loving it.

    You do understand that by accepting this story, you are accepting something that Ken Ham told you, don’t you?

    Me, if Ken told me the sun had risen this morning, I’d check an almanac, put in a call to the nearest observatory, and then go outside and look. Just in case.