Ken Ham’s Ark Brings Sin to Grant County

We present to you, dear reader, some excerpts from Grant County votes for booze, which appears in an unnamed Gannet newspaper hosted at Cincinnati.com. From the name of that website, together with their weather report, we suspect that the paper is located in Cincinnati, Ohio, not far from ol’ Hambo’s creationist operation across the Ohio River in Northern Kentucky. The bold font was added by us:

Grant County residents wanted alcohol for Christmas. They voted 56 percent to 44 percent Tuesday to end the county’s restrictions on alcohol sales. Many hope making Grant County a “wet” alcohol county will bring prosperity to this largely agricultural community. Young people came out to the polls, poll workers said, and turnout, at 25 percent, was higher than many anticipated.

Gasp! Booze in Grant County? That suggests the lyrics of “Ya Got Trouble” from the play Music Man. Change “pool” with a P to “booze” with a B and the situation speaks for itself:

Trouble, oh we got trouble,
Right here in River City!
With a capital “T”
That rhymes with “P”
And that stands for pool!

As you probably know, Grant County is the location of the bizarre, land-locked “replica” of Noah’s Ark, the biblical tourist attraction currently under construction in Northern Kentucky by a subsidiary of Answers in Genesis (AIG) — the creationist ministry of Ken Ham (ol’ Hambo). But Hambo’s holy project couldn’t have been the cause of this sinful vote, could it? Let’s find out. We’re told:

Younger voters allowed this ballot issue to succeed where past wet/dry county vote issues failed, said Kevin Burton, campaign manager for End Grant County Prohibition, the effort to allow alcohol sales in Grant County. “This county has had an influx of young people; the median age is 33 years old,” Burton said. “We ran a campaign that targeted the young.vote.”

But why would anyone want booze in what had previously been a sin-free county? Let’s read on:

The issue wasn’t about drinking for many who wanted Grant County to become a “wet” county where bars and stores can sell alcohol. It was about bringing business to this rural county. “When I buy something, I don’t want to have to go out of the county,” said Cathy Davis, 51, upon leaving the poll at an elementary school by her Crittenden home. She voted for alcohol sales. “I want the better restaurants, the better facilities.”

Cathy doesn’t seem to be an example of the “young vote,” but it looks like she wants to buy booze. The news story continues:

It’s historic for Grant County, said Dry Ridge Mayor Jim Wells. “This opens up tremendous revenue stream,” Wells said. “There was a lot of opposition that said this won’t have an economic impact, but that’s what this vote was about. It’s about moving this county forward with economic development.” The vote means Grant County will allow alcohol sales like its Northern Kentucky neighbors to the north – Boone, Kenton and Campbell counties.

Egad! Hambo’s ark will be surrounded by wickedness! Here’s more:

Alcohol sales were only allowed in three Grant County cities, Dry Ridge, Corinth and Williamstown, and then only when it was a restaurant that could seat at least 100 people and had at least 70 percent of its sales come from food. That meant no bars, hotels, grocery stores or liquor stores. That will soon change. Grant County joins 36 other “wet” counties in Kentucky. Of Kentucky’s 120 counties, 53 are “moist,” with limited alcohol sales, and 31 are completely dry.

Wet counties, moist counties, dry counties. This is all very strange. Moving along:

While many elected leaders supported the measure this time around, debate continued in the community between supporters of alcohol sales and those who feared it would increase the number drunk drivers, spur addiction and ruin the rural feel of the community. Local churches provided heavy opposition.

At least local churches opposed the sinful change. But their opposition wasn’t enough! Another excerpt:

Jimmy Taylor, 66, of Crittenden, said he’s a Christian and is against alcohol consumption. “It wouldn’t be good for the county,” Taylor said. “I don’t believe in it, because I am a Christian. It is a vice Grant County does not need.”

Good for Jimmy! Now brace yourself, dear reader, because what you’re about to read will undoubtedly amaze you:

The construction of a full-scale replica of Noah’s Ark, known as the Ark Encounter, in Williamstown added to the pressure for some local leaders to open up liquor sales. While the Ark Encounter won’t likely attract a hard-drinking crowd, the mayors of Williamstown and Dry Ridge argued the liquor sales were needed to attract hotels and restaurants to serve the Ark visitors. Plus, the alcohol restrictions discouraged grocery stores from opening in the county, many said.

We’re shocked — shocked! Hambo’s ark is supposed to save us, but look what it’s doing to Grant County! Will Hambo respond to this? We doubt it, but if he does, you can be sure that we’ll tell you about it. Stay tuned to this blog!

Copyright © 2015. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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13 responses to “Ken Ham’s Ark Brings Sin to Grant County

  1. Article notes

    While the Ark Encounter won’t likely attract a hard-drinking crowd–

    –it’s liable to create create one. Anyone, on emerging from a visit to Hambo’s folly, will be in need of several stiff drinks.

  2. oops, over ‘creation’ in previous post! And honest, I have not had a drink!

  3. I’m confused. Didn’t this jesus guy turn water into wine or something? It was in some book, I’m sure.

  4. Laughing out loud!

  5. More power to Ham’sh ark! (hic!)

  6. Since the central point of Christian ritual is the sacred meal of wine and bread, it seems highly illogical for any Christians to want to ban alcohol. Why not ban all cereal products while they’re at it?

  7. Holding The Line In Florida

    Now, now! All good Baptists know that it wasn’t wine, but Welch’s Grape Juice! At least that is what I had during my youth in a dry county in Mississippi. Funny thing. It was a dry county, home of Ole Miss, one of the hardest drinking schools in the country! We did manage to eventually get right with Bacchus however!!! Hotty Toddy!

  8. Noah, in the bible, was a notorious drinker. It’s easy to understand why. It remains to be seen, however, whether Ham will have a drunk Noah exhibit.

    The county can now host a number of microbreweries, hopefully producing beer with names alluding to the ark. How about a “Ham on Rye Pale Ale?” Or, maybe, “Ark Dark Lager?” I think “Armageddon Ale” should definitely be on the menu, with a label depicting scores of people drowning in a great flood.

    One can think of some good names for area bars, too.

  9. “A Ship Without a Port-er”

  10. Ah, me hearties, I’ll have a bit of that splendid Ark Grog, aged in barrels made from the wood of the original arc. Drink an’ the devil ha done with the rest. Yo-ho-ho and bottle of rum.

  11. Maybe Ham is prescient and is building the ark in preparation for the Flood of alcohol coming to Grant County.

    Some ironies here — Dry Ridge is a wet town in a dry county; Dry Ridge’s mayor is named Wells; U.S. Grant, the dry county’s namesake, was known for his drinking; and Kentucky is home of bourbon. One would think the Kentucky constitution would require the consumption of bourbon in every county.

  12. Paul advised Timothy to take a little wine for Timothy’s stomach’s sake. Which is not to sanction even light social drinking. Still, it is plainly also a repudiation of the idea that Timothy should not have been able to buy wine.

  13. Someone could add insult to injury and start up a bar called “Drunken Noah”