Creationism and Critical Degeneracy

The presence of yet another article about Specified complexity at the Discovery Institute’s creationist blog — Beating a Dead Straw Horse — has inspired your Curmudgeon.

The author of that Discoveroid post lashes out at critics of his earlier articles about pseudo-scientific babble like “specified complexity” and “conservation of information.” He claims that his critics are jousting at straw men. You can read the thing if you like, but we won’t bother with it.

Instead, we shall here present a new theory of our own, one which compliments our earlier breakthrough — The Theory of Abominable Befuddlement. In that now legendary post from 2009 we said:

[H]ow can a creationist brain even exist? Surely, the defects that produce such a malfunctioning organ should have been filtered out of the gene pool long ago. The continued existence of creationists among us can be cited as evidence against natural selection. Therefore, we must boldly acknowledge the Paradox of Creationism: Creationism exists; and if evolution can’t account for it, then what does?

Our breakthrough insight was the Theory of Abominable Befuddlement™ (commonly abbreviated as “AB”), which holds that certain features of the creationist brain are best explained by an Abominable Befuddler, and not by an undirected process such as natural selection.

As powerful as that was, it needed more. Merely attributing something to an unseen cause is insufficient. To firmly establish our theory and thereby distinguish it from the Discoveroids’ intelligent designer — blessed be he! — and their fuzzy concept of specified complexity, we required an objectively verifiable means of identifying the presence of the Abominable Befuddler.

So we toiled away in our la-BOR-a-tory, and today we are pleased to announce that we have accomplished our goal. The missing indicator is what we call critical degeneracy™. Its presence is manifestly obvious when a creationist’s mind has reached the irreversible tipping point.

The presence of critical degeneracy is unmistakable in the latest Discoveroid post — and in all their other posts. That, dear reader, is how we know it’s the work of the Abominable Befuddler. Our theory is complete. And remember, you read it here first.

Copyright © 2016. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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6 responses to “Creationism and Critical Degeneracy

  1. Curmy, I fear the world simply can’t handle the TRVTH!

    I am shocked–schocked!–that this paradigm-busting discovery has been received with nought but crickets. It is obvious here that the International Darwinist Cabal of Censors is determined to freeze you out and thereby deny mankind the fruits of your intellectual labours. You have been–gasp!–expelled!

    But do not be intimidated! Persevere, m’lad! But maybe you should borrow a few tactics from the Creationists’ Playbook. F’rinstance, your post should have included a photoshopped image of yourself in your green-screen la-BOR-a-tory, clad in a stained white coat and surrounded by an awesome array of Erlenmeyer flasks with bubbling coloured liquids and a high-voltage ‘Jacob’s Ladder’ spark-gap device. There’s nothing like an assortment of sciency props to lend you an air of gravitas!

    Additionally, your post should not simply have linked back to your ground-breaking 2009 announcement of Theory of Abominable Befuddlement™ but should have included a long catalogue of lamentations about all the vicious persecution you have had to endure since that publication, and all the manifold and unwarrented personal attacks that have been directed at you while you have simultaneously been ignored by the corrupt and close-minded guardians of Big Science. You must not be afraid to speak up and tell the world how cruelly you have suffered at the hands of all those godless materialistic minions!

    You should have received a call from the Nobel Committee to confirm your flight to Stockholm; instead, you have been pestered night after night with the arrival of pizzas maliciously ordered on your behalf.

    And of course, your post absolutely requires a plaintive plea for donations (cash, credit card or Paypal only, please) to fund your life-or-death battle with all the evil Deniers of Oogity-Boogity!

    Hope the above pointers help. But if–as you are so engaged in cutting-edge research in your la-BOR-a-tory that you simply don’t have the time to run the sort of paranoid public relations campaign required to fund it–well, I know of a seasoned Attack Gerbil who is currently looking for an opportunity.

    Above all else: do not be discouraged, but carry on manfully! Remember: they laughed at Chaplin! They laughed at Laurel and Hardy! They laughed at the Marx Brothers! But did that stop those brave pioneers from developing nuclear submarines, the Etch-a-Sketch, cold fusion, teleportation, and margarine!?

  2. VITAL ADDENDUM: I forgot to add, Curmy, a strict injunction against ever actually identifying The Abominable Befuddler (cursed be he!). Sure, we all *know* it is You-Know-Who, but for both tactical and legal reasons it is essential we maintain in public that it isn’t necessarily Beelzebub but might be Loki, Kim Kardashian, Ursula the Sea Witch, Ed MacMahon, Vlad the Impaler, or Macaulay Culkin.

    It simply isn’t the business of AB Theory to speculate on such details–and to do so could seriously damage our lobbying on behalf of Academic Free-to-be-Dumb legislation. The last thing we need are challenges in court, where AB Theory might fail one or more prongs of the Meadowlark Lemon Test.

  3. Thanks for the words of encouragement, Megalonyx, but it’s too late. My misanthropy has now progressed to the stage where it cannot be reversed. The fools! They’ve ignored me for the last time! I’ll show them. I’ll show them all! Mmmmmrrrrrraaaahahahahahaha!

  4. To round off your break through and complete your fundamental TAB you still must do one thing: quantify Critical Degeneracy. That should not be too hard. It suffices to calculate the amount of errors, lies and other stupidities produced per sentence. So I ask you to spend another hour in your la-BOR-a-to-ry to fix the right ratio.

  5. michaelfugate

    The term is agnotology.

    Check this guy out

    I am wondering if “Holding the Line” has any insights from FL?

  6. I read the article and even followed one of it’s embedded links. Here is a quote from Winston Ewert:

    I emphasized that while the theorems of conservation of information show that active information must derive from a non-mechanistic source outside of the universe, this does not necessarily imply that the source was intelligent or even teleological.

    So, the esteemed Mr. Ewert claims that information must come from outside the universe, however it may not be an intelligent source or even imply design.

    So, to repeat, the “theory” of Intelligent Design does not imply intelligence or design. That would be a straw horse.