Would You Make a Creationist Wedding Cake?

There’s no news out there of interest to us. Times like this are when your Curmudgeon is likely to get into trouble by straying off topic. Nevertheless, we’ll take the risk. Consider this to be one of our creative challenges.

The challenge will combine two separate topics. First — creationists are always claiming that evolution is a religion. Okay, we’ll play with that. The second thing is that when creationist business owners are asked to do something that is legal, but which violates their religious beliefs, they’ve been known to refuse — for example: Religious freedom or discrimination? Gay wedding cake at center of Colorado Appeals Court case.

We don’t care about gay marriage, but we can use that Colorado scenario. Suppose you’re a professional cake baker. You make cakes for weddings, graduations, whatever. You’re also convinced that the theory of evolution is good science, and creationism is nonsense. You’re locally known for that because of your writings and your speeches. Fine. Now let’s put you in a situation somewhat like the one that the Colorado baker faced.

A couple comes into your store, holding hands. They tell you they’re getting married and they want you to bake a cake for their wedding reception. In order not to distract you with an irrelevancy, they’re not a same sex couple. However — just to make this fun — each of them weighs about 500 pounds. You can’t imagine what their private moments are like, and you don’t want to think about it. So it’s a more-or-less traditional marriage, although their mutual attraction makes no sense to you. No problem, right? But wait — now we’ll make it interesting.

They tell you that they’re creationists, and they hate the theory of evolution. Further, they know that you’re an “evolutionist.” Additionally, they tell you that they want the icing on their cake to be decorated with an illustration of Adam & Eve, together with a dinosaur, all happily together in the same scene. They know you charge extra for special decorations, and they say that they’re willing to pay your price.

How will you handle this situation, dear reader? They’re a strange couple, and the cake they want would be clearly contrary to the theory of evolution. Creationists imagine that such a cake violates your religion. Well, whatcha gonna do — and why? Will you bake the cake they want? Or will you refuse and face the consequences?

You know the rules: You must avoid profanity, vulgarity, childish anatomical analogies, etc. Also, avoid slanderous statements about individuals. Feel free to comment on the entries submitted by others — with praise, criticism, or whatever — but you must do so tastefully.

There may not be a winner of this contest, but if there is, your Curmudgeon will decide, and whenever we get around to it we’ll announce who the winner is. There is no tangible prize — as always in life’s great challenges, the accomplishment is its own reward. We now throw open the comments section, dear reader. Go for it!

Copyright © 2016. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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46 responses to “Would You Make a Creationist Wedding Cake?

  1. I’d say “Evolution is a fact, but it’s your cake, so I’ll put anything you want on it, no matter how ignorant it makes you appear”.

  2. If they are paying customers, of course I would cheerfully bake their cake and decorate according to their wishes. Their religion and personal beliefs are none of my business.

  3. I would say, “Hey, it’s just a cake. What color do you want the dinosaur?” Of course I’d be really tempted to make Adam and Eve black; and Eve as butch as humanly possible.

  4. waldteufel spinelessly says: “If they are paying customers, of course I would cheerfully bake their cake and decorate according to their wishes.”

    What? You would abandon your principles for money?

  5. If they wanted to engage me in debate about origins, I would do so vigorously, and then ask them what color and textures they want on their dinosaur’s saddle. 🙂

  6. That’s what one does in a civil society.

  7. michaelfugate

    If I can put Pebbles and BamBam on too. I’m all in.
    I was reading the other day that those cartoons like the Flintstones and Yogi Bear had collars – so just the head could easily be redrawn when talking and the body could be left alone. Smarter than the average bear, eh?

  8. I’d bake the cake. Adam would look like Fred Flintstone, Eve would be Wilma, and of course the dinosaur would be Dino.

    If the couple complains, I’d simply remind them that we don’t really have any idea what Adam & Eve looked like, do we? 😉

  9. I’ve heard the argument would you do a cake for the nazis??? If they pay they get what they want. Unlike egocentric religious [edited out]-holes I don’t put my opinions up their [body part edited out]. A cake for their party is NOT support for their opinions or politics or life style.
    Unlike religious bigots I don’t force my ‘morals or moral ideas’ onto others.
    However I do feel that if you are going to pick and choose your customers based on your warped morals then that’s OK as long as you post a sign in your window stating that you are a bigot.

  10. Vulcanthunder

    I think the Bible says Adam and Eve ran around naked. So that might make for an interesting cake!

  11. I would go down the venal route and charge them extra.

    I would also make A & E as 500lbs each and have the dinosaur eating a Jesus fish…… in my mind, that is. I would just bake and decorate their cake to their specifications.

  12. I too would bake them the cake they wanted. If they were racists and wanted a lynching scene, that’d be different.

  13. Oh, and I meant to mention: there is some Creationist news out there today.

  14. Sure I’d make them a cake!

    Mind you, my culinary skills are so atrocious, any cake I produced would only be fit for a Creationist…

  15. michaelfugate

    realthog, twitter will be the death of us all. Thomas Aikenhead dies over and over whenever a Scot lets religion trump common sense.

  16. @Megalonyx

    Mind you, my culinary skills are so atrocious, any cake I produced would only be fit for a Creationist

    Ah, yes: not to mention the choice of ingedients. The customers’d think that “coprolite” meant it was healthily low on copro, but . . .

  17. @Michaelfugate

    Is she a Scot? I assumed she was a Lancastrian.

  18. michaelfugate

    Oops my bad.

  19. Turning away customers for any reason is the best way to eliminate the stress of owning a business. Once you’ve run your business into ground you can probably find a job doing what you love for someone else’s benefit.

    No problemo.

    Being self-righteous will guarantee that it’s all someone else’s fault so it’s win/win in the end.

    Promoting such thought is an excellent way of limiting your competition as well. 😉

  20. Tom McCullagh

    Bake the cake! And have one I prepared earlier in a display case with the rest of my fairy story themed cakes…Harry Potter, Cinderella etc. Bet my display case would offend them more than they offended me, which is not at all.

  21. I like Tom’s suggestion – I’d make two cakes and put one in the display case with the fairy tales.

  22. Would none of you throw them out of your shop because of their obesity? A cake would be bad for them, and having them hanging around would be bad for business.

  23. Maybe God told them to put on weight.
    Anyway, we can assume that most of the cake will be for the guests.
    If you are concerned about promoting bad eating habits, I suggest that you are in the wrong business.

  24. Go ahead and bake them a cake. What’s it to you what they believe if they’re not trying to convert others or do them actual harm?

    As for throwing them out of your shop because they’re obese, that’s (I can’t resist) a big fat lawsuit waiting to happen.

  25. I thing everyone is pretty much agreed here – its pretty straight forward to me – you are running a business, they are potential customers and what they are asking you in no way offends you (how can someone else’s ignorance offend you – its their problem) so make the cake, charge them handsomely for it and turn a nice profit.

    Not sure the need for the obesity side like to the situation.

  26. Update onthe Northern Ireland gay wedding cake case, of which the US case is a re-run:

    “In my view, it is an infringement of freedom to require businesses to aid the promotion of ideas to which they conscientiously object. Discrimination against people should be unlawful, but not against ideas.”
    Peter Tatchell, gay rights campaigner, on why he changed his mind about the gay wedding cake issue; more at http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2016/feb/01/gay-cake-row-i-changed-my-mind-ashers-bakery-freedom-of-conscience-religion

    But yes, I’d bake the cake. I’d have to ask them whether Adam (and, come to think of it, Eve) had a nave. Opinions differ

  27. Our kinder, gentler Curmudgeon appeals to our higher nature:

    Would none of you throw them out of your shop because of their obesity? A cake would be bad for them, and having them hanging around would be bad for business.

    Exactly! It is indeed bad for them, and I don’t want Creationists hanging around >:)

  28. realthog usefully suggests some excellent ingredients for a Creationist cake, further noting they would

    think that “coprolite” meant it was healthily low on copro

    That’s assuming they get past the boldly-displayed allergy advisory:

    “WARNING! May contain dihydrogen monoxide!”

  29. But I will leave it to my Creationist customers to decide for themselves if the rest of the printed product label is admonitory or permissive, viz:

    “This product may be consumed by nuts”

  30. SC this is not a very good thought experiment. Fictional characters and scenes are often used on cakes.

  31. I would ask them why they are persecuting all the Christians who do not think it’s necessary to believe in a literal interpretation of Genesis.

  32. ““WARNING! May contain dihydrogen monoxide!”

    Reminds me . . . .

    Back in the old school days, I was doing my thesis research at a government funded lab in a meteorological observatory. So, on weekends the observatory was open to public tours. So to keep people away from our work benches, we posted signs like: DANGER — HIGH IMPEDENCE AREA and DANGER — 100,000 OHMS. 🙂

  33. waldteufel – speaking of ‘Reminds me….’ Working at Los Alamos, it seemed like “Caution Radioactive Materials” did not slow people down too much, but when we put up “Biohazard” – worked like a charm!

  34. @realthog
    That’s a fun story for me. I attended St Andrew’s Church of England primary school in Oswaldtwistle, Lancashire about 70 years ago, in its old premises, which had two entrances with ‘Boys’ and ‘Girls’ carved in stone above them, although the distinction was ignored when I was there.

  35. two entrances with ‘Boys’ and ‘Girls’ carved in stone above them

    Same at my primary school in Pitmedden, Aberdeenshire, although there, as I recall, we did observe the protocol!

  36. jimroberts, more recently than that I took “shop” at a school in southern Ontario – in Grade 8 we had to bus it across town on a Friday afternoon to a different school than the one we normally attended.

    Not only were there two entrances to the school with the labels Boys and Girls carved above them but the playground was divided down the middle into a “boys half” and a “girls half”. The only time anyone was allowed to cross the line was if they were chasing a ball – and the teachers on playground duty actively policed that.

  37. But back to cakes. Since the couple wanted a dinosaur on the cake how about Barney?

  38. jimroberts says: “I attended St Andrew’s Church of England primary school in Oswaldtwistle, Lancashire about 70 years ago, in its old premises, which had two entrances with ‘Boys’ and ‘Girls’ carved in stone above them”

    At my school, we had separate bathrooms for boys and girls. Does that still go on, or have we evolved beyond such nonsense?

  39. Creativerealms

    Sounds like a fun cake to make. I would put all my effort into making the imaginary scene come to life.

  40. Our Curmudgeon takes a tinkle down memory lane, and poses a question:

    At my school, we had separate bathrooms for boys and girls. Does that still go on, or have we evolved beyond such nonsense?

    I believe it has all moved on at Creationist Schools, which offer Boys, Girls, and CCTV Control Room options.

    And just time for a quick anecdote on the general topic: a family friend of my father (both now long deceased) had been in the USAF at the conclusion of WWII and was among the American forces occupying Japan at that time. He was part of a team helping rebuild Tokyo, using local architects and labour wherever possible. He used to tell of looking at blueprints by a local architect for a proposed housing block for the occupation forces which a local architect had drawn up, but which only had one communal bathroom per floor. The Air Force advisor pointed out that Westerners would not accept this, but would expect to see separate ‘Male’ and ‘Female’ facilities.

    The following day, a revised draft of the blueprint was submitted: just one communal bathroom per floor as before, but this time it had two doors…

  41. Oh sod those blinking html tags! Grrrrrrrr….

    [*Voice from above*] Already fixed, Neanderthal fingers.

  42. SC: “At my school, we had separate bathrooms for boys and girls. Does that still go on, or have we evolved beyond such nonsense?”
    We had separate entrances for boys and girls to the toilet facilities, but we all excreted into a common trough which periodically flushed. Thus it was possible, for those willing to stick their heads down and try it, to observe the naked posteriors of members of the opposite sex.

  43. Great Hand: you will observe that I have either mispunctuated or miscapitalised. May your mercy attend me.

    [*Voice from above*] A relatively small error, but your attitude is commendable.

  44. The Great and Powerful *Voice from above* so kindly showers me with its ineffable grace:

    Already fixed, Neanderthal fingers.

    Remarkably, the divine Olivia often addresses me (especially when in one of her frequent and delectable romantic moods) with a somewhat similar epithet, explaining that Neanderthals were noted for the superior size of their various appendages…

  45. Megalonyx says: “Neanderthals were noted for the superior size of their various appendages…”

    Indeed. Olivia sometimes laughs as she remembers your toes, which she says were made for grasping tree limbs.

  46. I am in the business of making cakes for money. I have a hobby of studying evolution. I make the cake exactly as they want and charge them the same price as everybody else. Who cares about their belief? Are they paying me in a convertible currency? If yes, then the cake gets made.