Creationist Wisdom #655: Best Letter Ever?

Today’s letter-to-the-editor appears in the Waterloo Region Record of Kitchener, Ontario. The letter is titled So many theories , and the newspaper doesn’t have a comments section.

Because today’s writer isn’t a politician, preacher, or other public figure, we won’t embarrass or promote him by using his full name. His first name is John. Excerpts from his letter will be enhanced with our Curmudgeonly commentary and some bold font for emphasis. Here we go!

The theory of evolution begins with the Big Bang, where all matter and antimatter of the universe was primordially compacted at infinite density or zero size but exploded billions of years ago.

Every sentence of John’s letter is like that. It’s pure gold! Then he says:

A black body radiation in the background of the heavens is assumed to be the remnant of the explosion.

“Assumed.” BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Before the Cosmic microwave background was found, its existence was predicted, because it was a necessary consequence of the Big Bang, and its existence was inconsistent with every competing theory. Let’s read on:

But the evolution of life demands the impossible change of dead matter into plants and living creatures, which animate and multiply.

BWAHAHAHAHAHA! “Impossible change” of dead matter into “plants and living creatures” (plants aren’t alive), which “animate.” This is fantastic stuff! Let us, ah, animate ourselves to John’s next brilliant sentence:

And that people change the surface of the earth whereas animals leave it as it is.

BWAHAHAHAHAHA! What does that mean — gopher holes disprove evolution? John continues:

We also invent iPads and put humans on the moon with rockets because we have spiritual faculties.


Evolution is a theory for the past which is not observable and it makes animals out of men. It has to be accepted by faith, like the vast ages, for evolution and expansion.

BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Moving along:

The latter [expansion] is verified by a redness of receding galaxies according to the Doppler shift but the red can be intrinsic also.

BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Yes, Edwin Hubble was a fool! He failed to realize that the strict association of each galaxy’s “intrinsic” redness and its distance from us is just a coincidence. Another excerpt:

Further, ages for evolution and expansion do not contradict one another but the agreement is still theoretical.

BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Yes, it’s merely “theoretical” that every field of science is consistent with every other. And now we come to the end of John’s magnificent letter:

Ultimately we have a free choice to believe in human theory or in the Scriptures based on faith only.

John has made his choice. Go, dear reader, and do thou likewise.

Copyright © 2016. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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15 responses to “Creationist Wisdom #655: Best Letter Ever?

  1. If something is impossible, then how can a god do it?

  2. “John” doesn’t need his full name published. He should be embarrassed enough by demonstrating in public that he has never read or seen anything “science-y” in print or any form of A/V media…EVER. Sigh, just when you think you’ve heard every stupid thing possible, they keep talkin’…

  3. “the impossible change of dead matter into plants and living creatures,”
    So you are saying that to live you have to eat your meat while it is alive and screaming??? Luckily I eat dead matter to keep me alive!!!

  4. Now wait, John does say accurately that the “…Scriptures [are] based on faith only”, implying scriptures have no relation to reality. Otherwise, the confusion is strong in this one, Obi-Wan, starting with the idea that evolution has something to do with the origin of the universe. And evolutionary theory doesn’t “make animals out of man”; we are animals, as any competent anatomist could tell John. I leave it as an exercise to other readers to point out the numerous other ideas that confuse poor John.

  5. Oh, boy. Tough choice. Believe what my eyes tell me, or believe unverified scripture written 4000 years ago (give or take. Hey, I’m no bible scholar.).

    About the Red Shift — it’s not just the color that’s shifted, but the entire series of spectral line patterns unique to each element. That’s how we measure the Red Shift, John, not by looking at the color. Besides, the light of the distant galaxies’ spectra is too faint to view directly; it must be recorded photographically by long time-exposure on B&W film to be seen. (When the Red Shift was discovered, that’s the only kind of film there was.)

  6. Well, you can’t argue with logic like that, I mean literally you can’t since John is all over the place with his confused understanding of science. I can’t wait to see his take on the discovery of gravitational waves!

  7. That’s one of the best examples of the Dunning-Kruger effect that I’ve seen in quite a while.

  8. A text book example of Poe’s Law. Was the letter writer serious? Is it well written parody?

  9. You’re right, Curmy — best letter ever. As though it’s a Poe, but I don’t think so.

  10. Yeah, but you have to admit a true poe(tm) could have a field day at some of the papers SC gets these letters from. Makes me wonder how many submit letters on a regular basis…
    A conspiracy of burning sarcastic stupid!

  11. I can’t remember having seen so much creationist wisdom crammed in so few sentences. This is pure gold.

  12. It’s like a person who’s never seen baseball had to describe the first game they’d seen in an unfamiliar language.

  13. We also invent iPads and put humans on the moon with rockets because we have spiritual faculties.

    Funny, I thought it was because we had intellectual faculties. But then, “intellectual” is a curse word to fundamentalists.

    Ultimately we have a free choice to believe in human theory or in the Scriptures based on faith only.

    I assume he means both are based on faith only. There’s no point in arguing with such people; they simply reject anything not in the Bible.

    What they routinely refuse to acknowledge is that creation believers have had 150 years to prove Genesis by way of physical as well as biblical evidence, and have failed, as the physical evidence for evolution (and the Big Bang, which is really a different subject but which young-earthers hate because it involves time spans of billions of years). They either don’t ask why the scientific community, which started out taking creation for granted, came to embrace evolution in the first place or say it was because of same Satanic-Illuminati-Communist-Jewish plot to destroy Christianity.

  14. Do newspaper editors publish these for yuks? Even if no, it works!

  15. My guess is that newspaper editors like to have proof that their paper is read. If they get lots of reaction to a letter, that tells advertisers that there are people who will respond to things that are in this newspaper.