Noah and His Wife — Their Final Years

This is another astonishing adventure in history from the creation scientists at Ken Ham’s Answers in Genesis (AIG) — the creationist ministry of Ken Ham (ol’ Hambo), the Australian entrepreneur who has become the ayatollah of Appalachia.

Their new article is What Became of Noah and His Wife?, and it has no author’s byline. Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us for emphasis:

Although Noah lived for 950 years, the Bible only tells us about a small fraction of his life. At 500, his oldest son was born, and the Flood came 100 years later. Sometime after the Flood, we know that he became drunk, leading to the infamous situation with his son, Ham. Have you ever wondered what happened to Noah and his wife following this event?

We always assumed that the old drunk and his anonymous, long-suffering wife ended up in a retirement home in Florida, but AIG knows much more about such things than your Curmudgeon. They tell us:

Noah and his wife likely did not have any other children — at least none that had children of their own, since the nations that were scattered from Babel were from Shem, Ham, and Japheth (Genesis 10:32). Speaking of Babel, we note that the event occurred in Noah’s lifetime, but it’s difficult to picture this righteous man who walked with God as being part of that rebellion.

To keep things in perspective, we remind you that, according to the Ussher chronology, the world was created in 4004 BC, and the Flood was in 2348 BC. In Answers in Genesis — The Ice Age, we described AIG’s information about how many human generations passed from the Flood to Abraham’s birth — it was eight. We rigorously calculated the numbers, and at the time of the disbursal from Babel there were only 81 human families in existence, and they scattered all over the world. With that in mind, let’s read on from AIG’s latest article:

Without details from the infallible record of Scripture, and as we prepare exhibits inside our Ark about the post-Flood world, we can only speculate how Noah spent his final centuries. A couple of the ancient Flood legends may give us a clue, but these fallible sources must be taken with a grain of salt.

Warning us that this isn’t scriptural information, ICR’s article continues:

In the Epic of Gilgamesh, the Noah-like character, Utnapishtim, is said to live at the mouth of the rivers, on an island across the waters of death. Another legend places the Noah-like figure at the delta of the Tigris and Euphrates rivers.

That wasn’t very helpful. Here’s more:

What impact would the rebellion at Babel have had on Noah and his wife? Perhaps they were unable to communicate with their descendants whose languages were confused at Babel. This may account for the traditions that view Noah and his wife as living out their days away from the rest of humanity.

Aha, that supports our Florida retirement home theory. Moving along:

Ultimately, we don’t know where Noah and his wife lived out their days. But we do know that Noah faithfully built the Ark, on which eight people (and thousands of animals) survived the global Flood.

That’s all AIG has to say on the subject, because the rest of their article is about ol’ Hambo’s new theme park, Ark Encounter, and a request for donations to that worthy project.

So we’re left with a mystery. The righteous man who was responsible for repopulating the globe with humans and animals after the Flood, and who should have been praised for the remainder of his days, was apparently abandoned by everyone, leaving him and his wife to live out their final years alone, probably in bitterness. It’s a sad story, but as AIG constantly reminds us, it’s The Truth.

Copyright © 2016. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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22 responses to “Noah and His Wife — Their Final Years

  1. “.. because the rest of their article is about ol’ Hambo’s new theme park, Ark Encounter, and a request for donations to that worthy project.”

    I was a bit surprised by this. The last time I checked, the stated $ 29.5 million goal was firmly within reach, so why does Ham bother with even more embarassing begging?

    Let’s visit Arkencounter.com … yes, they actually have well over $ 29.9 million now.

    But what do you know? There is now a “NEW GOAL” of 33.5 million! Keep sending money, folks! It’s for “Ark additions”, whatever that may be.

    Traditionally, Ham only tried to collect $ 24.5 million. It mysteriously changed to $ 29.5 million shortly after the Nye-Ham debate and Ham’s declaration that the Ark was definitely coming.

    I think we can conclude that the “goal” will NEVER be reached, for whenever the total donated amount is getting close to the stated goal, Ham will make sure the goal posts move. Indeed, why say “OK, now we have all we need” as long as the dupes are still willing to turn over their hard-earned cash?

    Ham is squeezing the YEC demographic like a lemon.

  2. Charles Deetz ;)

    I just tested, still 8,000+ tickets available for the grand opening. Good or bad, who knows.

  3. Charles Deetz ;)

    I don’t think I’ve posted this here before, but it seems appropriate (from Laurie Anderson):

    A certain American religious sect has been looking at conditions of the world during the Flood.
    According to their calculations, during the Flood the winds, tides and currents were in an overall southeasterly direction.
    This would mean that in order for Noah’s Ark to have ended up on Mount Ararat, it would have to have started out several thousand miles to the west.
    This would then locate pre-Flood civilization in the area of Upstate New York, and the Garden of Eden roughly in New York City.
    Now, in order to get from one place to another, something must move.
    No one in New York remembers moving, and there are no traces of Biblical history in the Upstate New York area.
    So we are led to the only available conclusion in this time warp, and that is that the Ark has simply not left yet.

  4. That is really disappointing. I thought there would be new information on the old couple

  5. One would think Ham could ask God hisself what happened – being BFFs and all.

  6. Maybe as you suggest, that goal posts should be fixed, but that would require taking Ham out of the game.

  7. What, indeed, became of my great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great grandma and grandpa?

  8. My sincerest apologies to the Great Voice for my comment that most assuredly is hung up in the spam filter.

    [*Voice from above*] Your profound comment has been retrieved.

  9. “But we do know that Noah faithfully built the Ark, on which eight people (and thousands of animals) survived the global Flood.”

    Hmm, only thousands of animals? And if there were minimally only two of each, that infers Ham’s deity didn’t create a whole bevy of beasts. But given that dinosaurs were so large, it gives them ample room to move about the decks and promenades of the Ark and partake of the various amenities the Ark had to offer.

  10. DavidK, this is where I’d insert the quote mine stating that dinosaurs were really pretty small, on average, and then argue that they could’ve just kept eggs on the ark. For a year, in rolling seas, and despite there being no mention of eggs being brought onto the Ark.

  11. The Hamster proclaims “we do know that Noah faithfully built the Ark, on which eight people (and thousands of animals) survived the global Flood”. His fake ark apparently will be an inverse of the mythical one. He hopes for thousands of people and thus will only have room for eight (small) animals, perhaps a pair of Anolis carolinensis, some roaches, and a couple of hamsters.

  12. Here’s what really happened to Noah and his wife:

    After the Ark landed, Noah had the problem of how to get all those geographically isolated species to their specific habitats. So what did good ole Noah do? Why– what anyone with his super-boat building expertise and a love for animals would do! He kept those animals unable to get to their habitats in the Ark as sort of a petting zoo and he drug the Ark to the Mediterranean using logs as wheels, converting it to an aircraft carrier on the way.

    Once there, he built a bi-plane out of bulrushes, the same as would later save baby Moses in the basket, and proceeded to sail around the world in his aircraft carrier Ark, delivering all those species to their habitats. His wife was always there in the background changing the little Deinonychus diapers.

    After all the species were delivered except for the dinosaurs (the bi-plane wasn’t big enough for them to ride shotgun), good ole Noah took the aircraft carrier Ark up the Amazon as far as it would go and set about finding a place for the dinosaurs to live. He found a wonderful valley and set about in the biggest, most colossal, first and last ever dino-drive (the equivalent to a cattle drive, get it?)

    Unfortunately, that ne’er-do-well Beezlebub caught wind of Noah’s doings and figured out that if dinosaurs disappeared, people might believe in evolution and think the Bible wasn’t any more than a collection of myths so that old Hell-hound set about ensnaring Noah and his dinos in his trap. One night while the posse was encamped in the rain forest, Stan (that’s what Satan went by back in the day) used his infernal powers to lift the land Noah and the dinosaurs were on, way, way up into the sky. And they got stuck there and couldn’t come down. (Some guy named Doyle wrote a story kinda like this some time ago but don’t listen to it, it was just lies and half-truths that he got out of demon he trapped in a birdcage.)

    And that, dear kiddies, is what happened to Noah.

  13. @dweller42
    As far as the solution that young animals or eggs were taken, it conflicts with the explicit scripture which says “male and his mate”. Only adults have mates.

  14. Didn’t Noah just need to get one of the Dinosaur kind? We know he had a dove, so I don’t see a problem, you heathens.

  15. TomS, well, you know how this game works. They aren’t so much interested in what the text actually says (because then they’d notice that there are two independent creation stories stitched together very crudely) so much as in convincing people that they’re right.

  16. My basic question is “Why would anybody care??!!”

    Also, nice story Reflectory!

  17. @dweller42
    Yes, of course, they are not interested in what the Bible says.
    They “know the answers”, and making up stories about what the Bible says are just part of the game. Just as much as making up stories about what the evidence says.

  18. It is really no surprise that Noah gets no mention much after the ‘flood’ incident. The ‘flood’ gets no mention either; despite Noah outliving his great-great-great-great-great-great-grandson and Shem, who was also on the ark, still alive until the birth of his great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandson, Jacob. Did the ‘flood’ have so little effect that nobody thought to make one comment about it while the inhabitants of the ark were still around?

    Likewise, the Tower of Babel; why is there no mention after this incident of any communication problems despite all the movement between countries that make an important part of the narrative. Did Abraham not notice, when he was pimping for his wife/half-sister in Egypt, that the Pharaoh spoke a different language? But then how many people was the Pharaoh Pharaoh of?

    See http://www.answersingenesis.org/creation/v27/i4/timeline.asp for Ken’s time-line of history.

  19. @Dweller42
    DavidK, this is where I’d insert the quote mine stating that dinosaurs were really pretty small, on average, and then argue that they could’ve just kept eggs on the ark. …”
    I think that was Gish’s explanation (excuse), that eggs were used rather than adults. But then if eggs are not incubated, they won’t hatch, and if they are incubated, the animal problem, food, poop, and all else reemerges. Maybe to whittle down the number of animals, Noah & kin ate a LOT of omelets, maybe bacon on the side from pig’s eggs.

  20. So Noah had his oldest son when he was 500 years old? In a time before birth control, he held out for 500 years? And, per the bible, he only had three sons before calling it quits for the rest of his long life.

    Is that remotely plausible? Even assuming he had scores of anonymous daughters (who were not taken on the Ark!) it’s a difficult story to swallow. No wonder he was a drunk. Noah had some serious issues.

    With respect to the egg theory, besides incubating them, the hatchlings would require considerable care and feeding, probably more than Noah was willing to give. Since prehistoric creatures are not mentioned in the bible (hence, “pre-historic”), I’m guessing the best explanation is the omelette theory. Maybe that’s why there is no further mention of Noah and his wife… God was not pleased.

  21. Don’t ask silly questions like this, Ed:

    “Is that remotely plausible?”
    Of course it’s not. It’s true. Because “the infallible record of Scripture.”
    You can’t argue with that.

  22. Hambo:
    “Ultimately, we don’t know where Noah and his wife lived out their days.”

    Actually, we do. They are still alive and well, living in a 55+ 5500+ retirement community in New Smyrna Beach, Florida. Theirs is the only mobile home designed with a watertight hull — God told Noah about the coming flood that will inundate Florida as global warming melts the ice caps. The rest of us won’t live to see it, but Noah? Well, he and his wife are still going strong after all these years.

    I wonder if he’s had a chance to drive up I-75 to Kentucky to give Hambo some design/construction pointers. BTW, I just drove past the Ark Park on I-75 last Thursday (Feb. 11). It’s about a mile west of the highway, not at all obvious from I-75. You have to know right where to look. There’s a couple of construction cranes on site, and you can make out what appears to be the Ark’s roof under the cranes. Maybe Ham’s planning to place a huge dinosaur standing upright on the Ark to better draw attention.

    You can view the construction site as it appeared on 9/22/2014 on Google Earth at 38º 35′ 15″ N; 84º 35′ 30″ W. It’s a few miles SW of Williamstown, Ky.