Ken Ham Is a Life Saver

This is a truly heartwarming post from Ken Ham (ol’ Hambo), the Australian entrepreneur who has become the ayatollah of Appalachia. The title will immediately grab your attention: “AiG Helped Save My Life”.

We’ll plunge right in without delay. Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us for emphasis. Hambo says:

We are always so encouraged when we receive testimonies from people whose lives have been touched by God’s work through us here at AiG. … We recently received a testimony from someone whose life was radically changed by the message of biblical authority, a biblical worldview, and the gospel of Jesus Christ. I think you will find this testimony as encouraging as I did.

Don’t be confused by Hambo’s use of the word “testimony.” He’s not referring to a sworn statement in court. A specialized definition of that word, commonly encountered in a religious context, refers to a declaration of faith. What follows is Hambo’s quote from some “testimony” he received. The material in brackets appears in Hambo’s post:

I just wanted to thank you for all you’ve done. More importantly, your group helped save my life. In 2012, when I was [in] college, I almost ended my life.

Wow — this is really gripping! What happened? Let’s read on:

I was listening to secular scientists, and the world, and how miserable it was. I realized that what I had been taught in church did not mesh with what I was listening to.

Gasp — that must have been horrible! The testimony continues:

It overwhelmed [me], scientists having facts to back them up, God seemed to be losing at every turn, and I genuinely wanted to give up. I felt hopeless.

Those Satanic scientists have facts to back them up! It’s an outrage! Here’s more testimony:

But then, after taking a semester off, I came across your website, found out about creation, and worldviews and stuff that I had never heard about or didn’t even know existed.

[*Begin Drool Mode*] Ooooooooooooh! [*End Drool Mode*] It sounds like being lost at night on the stormy ocean and suddenly seeing a lighthouse. Moving along:

I started paying attention, and then you answered personal questions that I struggled with.

Hambo had the answers! Here’s the end of the testimony:

So, thank you for saving my life, all of you who work here. Whether you realize, you are all the Charles Darwin of creation, not in philosophy, but the face people will think of years to come. Praise God!

Hambo is the Charles Darwin of creation! Admit it, dear reader — that testimony brought tears to your eyes, didn’t it? Here’s how Hambo ends the story:

We praise God for this person’s testimony! We are humbled and thankful that God chooses to use us to accomplish His kingdom purposes. I encourage you to share our website and resources with everyone, especially the young people you know — you may just save a life!

So there you are — now go forth and spread the word. You too may save a life.

Copyright © 2016. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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21 responses to “Ken Ham Is a Life Saver

  1. Wow, one person helped. Further updates as events warrant.

  2. Derek Freyberg

    Ken Ham, saving the world from reality, one life at a time.

  3. Yipes! That writer sounds as if they would be better off with a psychiatrist.

  4. michaelfugate

    Was it our buddy Wayne of “Self-Published Genius” fame?

  5. Yes!

    I admit it!

    I was the TESTIMONIFIER who discovered that Ken Ham was the necessary antidote to facts and rationality.

    Je m’accuse!!!

    Well, okay, I admit it: I’m lying. But I just want to make sure that Ham has a source whom he can legitimately quote. Otherwise, anyone might look at his claim here and think, Is it at all possible that he might be making his correspondent up out of whole cloth?

  6. So sectarian lobotomies really do bring peace of mind (I can stop learning now). Whoda guessed that?

  7. “I realized that what I had been taught in church did not mesh with what I was listening to.”

    And that somehow is the fault of the nasty scientists. Why can’t they leave Baby Jesus alone?

  8. You know that after years of vilifying Darwin, I wonder how little kennie managed to handle being equated to him? But then, Creationists are able to rationalize just about anything, aren’t they?

  9. Charles Deetz ;)

    I’ll say the letter is real, but a rare rare case. But Hammy is going to run with it and wave it around, as it plays right into the narrative fundies have about liberal professors.

    My son just dropped out of college his freshman year, he chose a school too far from his comfort level. I don’t think he’s going to be turning to AIG for solace. I hope hope not.

  10. I find it amusing that the effect of AiG’s lies and propaganda is so weak that they trumpet a single conversion.

    One wonders how many creationists they lose daily when they come to their senses after encountering some actual scientific facts and accurate representations of the theory of evolution.

  11. Even if that testimony was factual, of what value is an irrational conversion to superstition? That person testifying must be functionally brain dead.

  12. craigshearer:
    “One wonders how many creationists they lose daily when they come to their senses after encountering some actual scientific facts and accurate representations of the theory of evolution.”

    Well, according to Ham’s testifier, such facts and knowledge makes them consider suicide. They must lose a lot that way, one would guess.

    “Truth? You want the truth? You can’t handle the truth!”
    — Jack Nicholson, “An Officer and a Gentleman” (I think)

    Seems to fit Ham’s letter-writer.

  13. Oh, I see what happened. I released the shift key too soon on the “end italics” tag. Please help, Oh Great Hand!

    [*Voice from above*] Shift key? You can’t handle the shift key!

  14. Sadly, you are probably right, some people are overwhelmed by data and the need to think for themselves. Not all humans are equally endowed.

  15. The Jack Nicholson quote is from “A Few Good Men”.

    I love how Ham’s correspondent says right out loud that the scientists had all the facts, and nobody thinks it matters.

  16. Isn’t it interesting how little it takes for people who claim their belief in “intelligent design” is based on science to revert to overt religious proselytizing?

    Science is supposed to be based on evidence and is supposed to be open to revision based on evidence. But for ID’ers, the only evidence that really counts is the Bible; everything else has to be hammered into that frame and then be said to fit perfectly even when it obviously doesn’t.

    To argue that “worldviews” trump evidence is to echo the Nazis, who railed against relativity as “Jewish science.” Just substitute the words “secular” for “Jewish” and “evolution” for relativity” and there you are.

  17. Yes, the concept of a neutral universe in which humans survive (or not) based on their wits and ability to keep from killing each other is pretty miserable. You might have to think for yourself and solve problems and work with other people. Yuck.

    It is so much nicer to believe in a universe ruled by a tyrannical god who will subject you to eternal torture unless you worship him in just the way Ken Ham tells you to. Don’t think about those nasty scientists with their facts and stuff, that way is the lake of fire! In fact, don’t think at all, let Ham do your thinking for you.

  18. Not merely is the only source of truth the Bible, it is what I say is in the Bible, whether or not there is anything remotely resembling what I say. Such as Neanderthals having anything to do with Babel. Or baraminology.

  19. Which is why I like to call little kennie’s followers as ‘Hamians’. They don’t really follow any other sect of Christianity, they lap up whatever little kennie says as gospel. It’s not what’s in the Bible, but what little kennie says is in the Bible and what little kennie says it means.

  20. Dave Luckett:
    The Jack Nicholson quote is from “A Few Good Men”.

    Thanks, Dave. I’m glad I tagged that, “I think.” I was too lazy and too pressed for time just then to look it up.

  21. What’s truly hilarious about this is that it’s heavy duty sarcasm and Ham isn’t smart enough to realize that the writer is putting him on.