Creationist Wisdom #659: Head Exploder

Today’s letter-to-the-editor appears in the Herald Journal of Logan, Utah, and it’s titled Let’s look at science in objective manner. The newspaper has a comments section.

Because today’s writer isn’t a politician, preacher, or other public figure, we won’t embarrass or promote him by using his full name. His first name is Grover. Excerpts from his letter will be enhanced with our Curmudgeonly commentary and some bold font for emphasis. Here we go!

With all the value attributed to science, it is important to look at science in an objective manner.

That’s an ambiguous beginning, but we’ll soon find out where Grover is going with it. He says:

First remember that we are part of a universe created by God in which the level of interaction is immeasurable. Whether you believe in a supreme deity or not, the level of interaction is undeniable.

That’s an objective approach to science? Aaaargh!! [*Curmudgeon’s head trembles … and then explodes!*] Let’s read on:

Next let us look at what science actually is. Science is man’s effort to understand and control his surroundings by observing his environment. He then makes, if you may, a model and tests it to see if his conclusions are correct. When he sees differences, he modifies his model to better fit the reality of the universe. Because of the vast interactions in our environments, this model will never perfectly match the reality of God’s creation.

It’s difficult for your Curmudgeon to digest that with an exploded head, but we’ll continue:

An example of this is the recent announcement of the detection of gravity waves. They did indeed detect a gravity wave, but their error is in not understanding the nature of gravity waves.

BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Grover then tells us the real nature of gravity waves. It’s another head-exploder, so if yours is somehow still intact, we urge caution when reading this next excerpt:

As any other wave, gravity waves are partial differential equations, or to explain in simple terms, a wave is generated by a change in a variable in relation to time. Gravity is a function of the product of a constant, the product of two masses interacting divided by the distance squared between them.

All clear? Okay, here’s more:

With this in mind, they should have realized that it is easy to detect gravity waves without spending billions.

Aaaargh!! Grover explains how all that money could have been saved:

The interaction between the Earth and moon create an easily measured gravity wave consisting of the tides which all are familiar with. Also it is possible to create a gravity wave by changing the mass of either body. We see that whenever we step on a scale and see a change in our mass, i.e. we gain weight!

Aaaargh!! Another excerpt:

Thus we have been measuring and observing gravity waves for ages! We just didn’t recognize them as such.

We should stop here, but we may as well go all the way. Grover’s final paragraph is about global warming:

Similarly we must make sure we understand the contributing factors to our environment in regard to global warming. Of course we must at all times make a sincere effort to do no harm to the environment, but any action should be undertaken with careful consideration.

We now have to sweep up the scattered pieces of our head and re-assemble them, so this is where we take our leave of Grover. It was truly an amazing letter.

Copyright © 2016. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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11 responses to “Creationist Wisdom #659: Head Exploder

  1. Grover hasn’t got his tongue in his cheek, has he? Bits like “Thus we have been measuring and observing gravity waves for ages! We just didn’t recognize them as such.” seem to smack of parody.

  2. Actually Curmy, his description of science is pretty spot on:

    “Next let us look at what science actually is. Science is man’s effort to understand and control his surroundings by observing his environment. He then makes, if you may, a model and tests it to see if his conclusions are correct. When he sees differences, he modifies his model to better fit the reality of the universe. Because of the vast interactions in our environments, this model will never perfectly match the reality of God’s creation.”

    Except for the last bit about “God’s creation” (which is actually language pretty close to what Einstein might have used) he describes the process almost perfectly. Out models can really only approximate reality. Well, in the case of quantum mechanics to about 10 decimal places, but still not “exactly.”

    Which makes the rest of his letter such a shame. Here is a guy who could actually understand the scientific method, but obviously he has no earthly clue as to what is really going on.

  3. Charles Deetz ;)

    As smart as the guy at the patent office with a perpetual motion machine, he is.

  4. I’m pretty sure he also means gravitational waves, not gravity waves.

  5. siluriantrilobite

    His Nobel Prize is in the mail.

    Sent from my iPad

  6. I think it’s pretty clear he’s confusing ordinary “gravity” waves, which are ripples or waves in fluid, such as tides, with what are usually called “gravitational” waves, which are ripples in the fabric of space-time. It’s true that in common parlance reporters and often scientists interchange the terms, but they refer to different phenomena. Gravitational waves were predicted by part of Einstein’s theory of general relativity 100 years ago (he probably had seen ocean tides and knew how they originated). It’s the space-time ripples that LIGO detected recently.

  7. Grover’s letter is typical of a semi-educated person who has learned a few words without knowing what they really mean in the context of science. He blathers about partial differential equations then shows he doesn’t know what they are. Typical of a crank, he pronounces that he has discovered some new truth that has escaped the notice of professional scientists. This may impress his scientifically illiterate friends, but sets him up as a laughable buffoon. I seriously doubt that poor Grover has ever darkened the door of a science classroom. He’s the target demographic of the Disco Tute or AiG.

  8. Wow! Grover says “Gravity is a function of the product of a constant, the product of two masses interacting divided by the distance squared between them.” Grover has failed to multiply by the speed of light here.
    Other than that all appears good.

  9. @Oor Wull

    Grover has failed to multiply by the speed of light here.

    But, as any YEC will enlighten you, the speed of light is a variable, not a constant. It has changed over the 6000-year lifetime of the universe such that light from 13 billion lightyears away can have already reached here. God set things up this way because . . .

    Um.

  10. Grover, while on vacation from Sesame Street:
    “Also it is possible to create a gravity wave by changing the mass of either body. We see that whenever we step on a scale and see a change in our mass, i.e. we gain weight!”

    Oh, Grover! Thanks for the laugh! In fact, I’m still chuckling while writing this!

  11. Techreseller

    The ignorance is deep and ingrained in this one.