Creationist Wisdom #663: Science or Salvation

Today’s letter-to-the-editor appears in the Idaho County Free Press of Grangeville, Idaho — population 3,141. The letter is titled God’s word should be used in every class. The newspaper has a comments section.

Because today’s writer isn’t a politician, preacher, or other public figure, we won’t embarrass or promote him by using his full name. His first name is Jim. Excerpts from his letter will be enhanced with our Curmudgeonly commentary and some bold font for emphasis. Here we go!

Thank you, Senator Nuxoll, for introducing SB-1342! Using the Bible in schools is a very great victory.

BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Jim is referring to a later version of what we wrote about in Idaho Creationism: New Bill for 2016. The current version is still alive — see Idaho’s 2016 Creationism Bill — Strange News — but it’s being amended enough that it’ll probably be toothless. Jim says:

God’s word should always be used in every class, regardless of any man-made doctrine. It (the Bible) contains all answers to all earthly questions. All you have to do is read it.

BWAHAHAHAHAHA! The bible has all the answers, and it’s especially useful in science classes. Let’s read on:

Man-made science would have you believe the earth is millions of years old. The landscape I see is the result of a world-wide flood that happened around 4,500 years ago.

The landscape in Idaho must be very strange. Jim continues:

Lots of people don’t want to read the Bible, because it convicts them in their heart. Therefore, they would rather grasp scientific explanations that question the existence of God, rather than the truth.

Yes, that explains it. Here’s more:

The Bible shows a definite time line that covers 7,000 years, from creation to the end of the book of Revelation.

It sure does. Moving along:

One day soon, Jesus is coming. If you don’t want to be left here in a world full of turmoil and rampant atheism, read the book of John in the New Testament. This book tells very clearly what we must do to be saved.

Good advice! And now we come to the end:

Don’t blow it off, or wait. The time of salvation is now! It’s your choice: science or salvation.

Jim is right. It’s science or salvation. It’s not too late, dear reader. You’ve been warned!

Copyright © 2016. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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28 responses to “Creationist Wisdom #663: Science or Salvation

  1. Christine Janis

    “The Bible shows a definite time line that covers 7,000 years”

    OK, so right there he’s out of whack with the proclamations of Usher.

  2. Christine Janis says: “he’s out of whack with the proclamations of Usher.”

    Jim is telling you that Usher lived 1,000 years ago.

  3. Christine Janis

    Oh, OK. I get it.

  4. So Jim thinks it is a good idea to LIE in every class! RRRrright!!!

  5. michaelfugate

    Most people would much rather spend the time and effort to understand complicated subject like physics, chemistry, biology, psychology, philosophy, economics, etc. than read the simple Bible? I thought it was the opposite.

  6. I don’t think he’s out of line of Usher, he’s including the millennium of rule by King “Lion-in-da-House” Jesus after he returns.

  7. The landscape I see is the result of a world-wide flood that happened around 4,500 years ago.

    How in the name of holy hel . . . er, downstairs . . . does Jim think he knows what a landscape would look like that was flooded 4500 years ago? Are there some special clues that Jim can see as he gazes out his window?

  8. > “The landscape I see is the result of a world-wide flood
    > that happened around 4,500 years ago.”
    ———————
    Provably wrong. Grangeville is in Idaho County, Idaho, and is dominated by Columbia River Flood Basalt, a thick pile of basalt lava flows erupted during the Miocene, about 14 to 17 million years ago. There was no world-wide flood – the ancient Egyptians and ancient Chinese would’ve noticed that for sure, but there’s nary a blip of info. about it in their histories. Idaho has been nonmarine for a very, very long time. Idaho was definitely dry land 4,500 years ago, during the mid-Holocene.

  9. michaelfugate

    realthog – I think they’re called “bible glasses”.

  10. Jim tells us, “It (the Bible) contains all answers to all earthly questions. All you have to do is read it.”

    I’m skeptical of this idea, from personal experience. Once in college I got stumped by several questions on a geology test. Obviously all the questions would have to be earthly ones. It would have been too obvious to crib the answers by paging through the Bible I always carried, so I fell back on a billboard that had recently been erected by the local First Baptist Church. It read “CHRIST IS THE ANSWER.” I figured nobody had more insight into biblical truth than the religion followed by most of the citizens in that town, including my friends and relations, so I trusted the billboard. Accordingly, for the question, “What force folded the Ouchita mountains south of the Arkansas River and raised the Ozark Plateau north of it?” I wrote the answer “Christ.” And the same for all the other hard questions.

    The teacher graded every one of them wrong.

    It wasn’t just the simplistic billboard that fell short. Even with a good concordance, I couldn’t find any of the earthly answers in the Bible itself, either.

  11. @michaelfugate

    Excellent! I may steal that.

  12. The view from my window is markedly different than the one Jim sees looking out of his. Does the flood describe every landscape?

    It’s also a good time to point out that the Bible is silent on the existence of North America, Idaho, the grizzly bear, and ski resorts in Sun Valley. Yet, here we are.

  13. @Mark Germano

    Come to think of it, bearing in mind Jim’s locale, I’m surprised he hasn’t noticed how silent the Bible is on the subject of potatoes.

    “Which should I choose tonight, mashed or fried? The Bible has the answer to everything. But I’m halfway through Genesis and still no clue . . .”

  14. Dave Luckett

    A pretty standard millenarian and Christian dominionist. Ignorant as dirt, monocular to the point of fixation, and incapable of reflection or examination of authority. Dangerous, in the sense that he’s fodder for every charismatic authoritarian who says the right words, but fortunately his own incompetence limits his capacity for causing harm.

    That’s true on the individual level. But get enough of these people together, and if you can keep them together, watch out!

    Fortunately, their many disabilities include double doses of the narcissism of small differences. They can’t get along with each other any more than they can with anyone else. Even less so.

  15. Mark Germano asks: “Does the flood describe every landscape?”

    Yes. It’s a very successful prediction of creation science.

  16. Jimbo says “,,, Jesus is coming…”. My reply to Jimbo is the same one I gave to a bible waving mutterer on 42nd street in Manhattan 20 years ago: “Y’all be sure to let me know when he gets here”.

  17. Eric Lipps

    “Jim” tells us:

    One day soon, Jesus is coming. If you don’t want to be left here in a world full of turmoil and rampant atheism, read the book of John in the New Testament. This book tells very clearly what we must do to be saved.

    My favoirite response to this is, alas, not my own: “Jesus is always coming, but He never arrives.”

    “Jim” goes on:

    Don’t blow it off, or wait. The time of salvation is now! It’s your choice: science or salvation.

    That stuff may wow the rubes, but I’m sure it makes “scientific” creationists (i.e., “intelligent design” peddlers) cringe, since it undermines their efforts to make creationism look like an actual theory supported by actual scientific evidence.

  18. Charles Deetz ;)

    Jim, just do your job and get those potatoes to McDonalds. You aren’t doing anyone any favors doing anything else.

  19. When he refers to “the book of John”, does he have in mind the “Book of Revelation of Saint John the Divine”? Rather than the Gospel of John or one of the three Epistles of John? Saying that it “tells very clearly” is not the first descriptive that it invokes on reading.

    And it is difficult to see how one could come to the conclusion that It (the Bible) contains all answers to all earthly questions.
    To begin with, it doesn’t make that claim for itself.
    Does it tell us the answers to the geography quiz?
    Does it tell us when the Chicago Cubs will win the World Series? (Before the Dow Jones Industrial Average reaches 100,000?)

  20. I have to disagree with Eric Lipps:

    “I’m sure it makes “scientific” creationists (i.e., “intelligent design” peddlers) cringe.”
    No way The Gerbil or Klinkleclapper cringe when reading stuff like Jimbo’s. The only thing that makes them cringe is the suggestion that Evolution Theory might be correct.

  21. TomS says: “And it is difficult to see how one could come to the conclusion that It (the Bible) contains all answers to all earthly questions.”

    Jim intended to say “all allowed earthly questions.” If the answer isn’t in the bible, then the question is impertinent, if not blasphemous.

  22. There is a story about Groucho Marx, that when offered the opportunity to ask any question of a spiritualist, he asked, “What is the capital of North Dakota?”

  23. ” If you don’t want to be left here in a world full of turmoil and rampant atheism”

    I must have missed Jesus coming, I already live with rampant atheism. A country with less than 10% of the country going to church outside of weddings and funerals. Where a big thing is made of one athlete because he does thank god and go to church. Not seen much turmoil yet I suppose that’s coming/

  24. Holding The Line In Florida

    I call Poe on this. It is so stupid that it just can’t be for real. I thought only us Sutherons were that dumb! But then again you never know…….

  25. As pointed out by others, answers to everything is in the Qur’an, oops Bible, from the Mars Rover to PCR, magnetic reversal, radioactive decay, magnetic resonance imaging, Avastin and Viagra, drones, DNA methylation and histone acetylation, symbiosis, Google and reverse transcriptase, kidney transplants, laser treatment for diabetic retinopathy, trilobites, pi, tablets, polar circles, atoms and staphylococci, etc, etc., the list is endless. All in the Veda’s, oops the Bible….
    So utterly relevant in our modern world.

  26. I recall once reading that in classical Greece there were people who believed that all truth was contained in the works of Homer. But I don’t have a good reference for that. Is that true?

  27. RetiredSciGuy

    “One day soon, Jesus is coming.”

    Mm, hmm. So is Godot. Ain’t blind faith just wonderful?

  28. Techreseller

    Science vs salvation. Make my choice. Well let me think here. Oh right, Think is the operative word. Science.