Ken Ham Explains Your Fear of the Ark

The “replica” of the Ark being built by Ken Ham (ol’ Hambo), the Australian entrepreneur who has become the ayatollah of Appalachia, should cause him to live in continuous ecstasy. He says it’s the greatest undertaking the world has seen since the original Ark was built by Noah, 4,000 years ago.

But for some reason, ol’ Hambo is not happy. His heart appears to be filled with bitterness. This can be seen in his latest post: Arkophobia. Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us:

We’ve all heard of the word arachnophobia, a fear of spiders and other arachnids such as scorpions. Well, there is a new phobia showing up on countless blogs, on Twitter, and in news sources. And it has a similar-sounding name: Arkophobia. It’s a fear of the life-size Ark we are building in Williamstown, Kentucky, that opens July 7.

What’s he saying? People think of the Ark in the same way that they think of spiders? That’s creepy! How can this be? Hambo tells us:

The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines a phobia as “an exaggerated usually inexplicable and illogical fear of a particular object, class of objects, or situation.” Well, the Arkophobia we see all around us is certainly “illogical.”

Dislike of the Ark is logical, because it’s a symbol of global terror. It represents planet-wide slaughter on an unimaginable scale. We doubt if even the most horrendous alien invasion movie threatened worse. But it’s only a folk-tale, so we don’t worry about it. However, that’s not how Hambo sees it. Let’s read on:

But it’s actually not “inexplicable.” Let me explain. Arkophobia hit an all-time high the week of January 25. That’s when a federal judge issued a major ruling that gave a huge win to Answers in Genesis in our religious freedom lawsuit against the State of Kentucky and the actions of the previous governor, Steve Beshear.

We remember. That’s when we wrote Ken Ham’s Ark Wins First Round in Court. Then the new governor of Kentucky decided not to appeal, so Hambo had his victory. We thought it was a bad decision on constitutional grounds, but we don’t recall feeling any fear. Hambo remembers things differently. He continues:

Well, that federal decision was too much for the secularist/atheist bloggers. That’s when Arkophobia was at its height. Many secularists were already livid that a Christian organization is building such a massive tourist facility that will have a huge impact in the culture as it proclaims a Christian message! They just can’t stand it! Their hatred against Christianity was so clear after the ruling.

Really? We don’t remember seeing anything like that. To support his claim, Hambo quotes an unnamed “atheist blogger” (without providing a link) who complained that Hambo hates gay people. We can’t imagine what that has to do with the court’s decision, but Hambo somehow manages to make a connection:

These hateful statements really help to reveal Arkophobia. What is the real reason for such vehement opposition to a project that will be so beneficial to the state as it brings hundreds of millions of tourist dollars into Kentucky for hotels, restaurants, and much more, and creates thousands of jobs? It’s because of the message of the Ark.

Oh. Arkophobia is about the Ark’s message! What’s that? Hambo explains:

Arkophobia is so widespread because “the heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked; who can know it?” (Jeremiah 17:9). Secularists are in rebellion against their Creator. The fact that He has the right to tell them, through His Word, what is right (e.g., marriage is one man for one woman) and what is wrong (e.g., abortion is murder) angers them.

Ah yes, that explains it. No one is concerned about the fact that tax money from Kentucky will be spent on Hambo’s ministry, contrary to that state’s Constitution. No, Hambo thinks it’s all about gays and abortions, and that explains the Arkophobia he sees “all around us.” Here’s one more excerpt:

Secularists oppose the Ark because they are afraid of the Ark’s goal: to proclaim the everlasting gospel.

So there you are, dear reader. Hambo’s success in building his Ark and winning in court should make him a happy man, but he’s not. Instead of receiving praises from one end of the flat Earth to the other, he’s surrounded by Arkophobia. We sympathize.

Copyright © 2016. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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17 responses to “Ken Ham Explains Your Fear of the Ark

  1. Ah Hambone, I really doubt anyone is scared of your silly ark. After all, a scorpion might sting you, but the ark just sits there looking ugly and revealing how bloody silly the ark myth is — I notice you’re making no attempt to pack it with pairs of even a few animals. (Well, there will be some pairs of animals — humanoids and their offspring — on it, but probably not nearly as many as you claim to expect). I’d only be afraid of your bloody ark replica if it were floating the ocean.

  2. Maybe Ham isn’t selling the thousands of tickets for his grand opening that is coming up and he’s just trying to drum up business, blaming everyone for his poor showing to date. Typical martyr syndrome.

  3. DavidK says: “Maybe Ham isn’t selling the thousands of tickets for his grand opening that is coming up”

    If he were having sell-out days, he’d be bragging about it.

  4. Dave Luckett

    One of the great markers of authoritarianism is that authoritarians want to be frightening. They want people to be scared of them. Oderint, dum metuant, you know the gig. That post on his blog was just Ken rubbing his hands and other body parts at the thought.

    I suppose it really shouldn’t bother me that Kentucky, a state with many poor people, should forego badly needed tax revenue to help a loon like Ken can build a monument to himself. I suppose it shouldn’t bother me that there’s every chance that the result, ten years on, will be a tattered wooden shell in the middle of a muddy field, surrounded with a rusting chain-link fence, and nobody in sight. It shouldn’t bother me – in fact, I should be experiencing a delicious schadenfreude – at the thought of a bunch of half-wits being done out of their hard-earned, but I can’t help feeling sorry for them.

    Unfortunately, Ken getting his deserts involves everyone he’s conned going down the gurgler, too. And he might have managed to insulate himself, personally, from the effects when it all falls into the toilet. Might, but I wouldn’t bet on it. I think there’s every chance that Ken’s Ark will be his nemesis, and he’ll spend the rest of his worthless life trying to get out from under it. If I survive another ten years, it will be a sort of comfort in my dotage to watch the little weasel writhe. Sort of.

  5. Brave talk, Dave Luckett, but we know you fear the ark.

  6. michaelfugate

    Isn’t the message of the Ark – God will murder you, your spouse, your parents, your children – anyone and everyone – if you don’t do as God says? You wonder why God didn’t kill off Adam and Eve before they could reproduce – does God regret that decision? Does God regret even allowing Noah to live? I am sure ol’ Ken believes that if God were to do it again right now, Ken would be leading the next generation.

  7. Charles Deetz ;)

    We don’t fear the ark, we are just stunned by its sheer uselessness. It doesn’t prove anything, except people can part from their money easily if god is invoked. And while you will be proud of it and what it represents, I hope the ten year olds every day asking about dinosaurs and poop drive you insane, Hambo.

  8. @Charles Deetz;)

    … and asking why it isn’t a boat.
    Or where are the giraffes …

  9. Arachnophobia is not necessarily irrational, live around Black Widows and Brown Recluse everywhere and then tell me about it. Now live across the street from the Ark Park where my taxes are paying for your losses and tell me Arkophobia is irrational!

  10. Just a thought experiment…If Hambo had paid for his Ark with his own money and donations given by willing participants would there be any lawsuits? I suspect no one would even bat an eye at the fact he got the land for $1 (you know just to keep it legal).
    It isn’t fear of your childish Ark, Hambo, it is the rational fear that people who aren’t in your cult have to pay for your crap. And yes, when religion doesn’t pay its share of tax everyone else has to make up for it.

  11. Nonono, Ol’ Hambo is completely right. I suffer badly from arkophobia – combined with jealousy. Nothing makes me more afraid than the thought that his ark may be bigger, better, more beautiful and may attract more visitors than the Original!

    Excuse me, now I’ll leave to perform an abortion on a secular pregnant lesbo, who swears on Origin of Species.

  12. Arkophobia is completely rational. After all, if you see an enormous wooden Ark, hand built by a crazed man with a long flowing beard, filling up with animals seemingly appearing from nowhere… then a worldwide genocidal flood must be immanent. Very frightening.

    However, Ham’s Ark is only a model. Like a rubber scorpion, it is nowhere near as frightening as the real thing. In fact, it is likely to impress visitors with the absurdity of the biblical story – imagine visitors standing under that mass of wood and asking themselves how a four very old men could have built a structurally sound, water-tight seagoing version of that monolithic thing with bronze age tools. Not to mention cutting down a forest of gopher wood for the materials.

    It does, perhaps, explain why there is no gopher wood today.

  13. michaelfugate

    Once you start believing in miracles, anything and everything becomes possible – boats big enough to house all animals built by a couple of guys in their back yard, a world-wide flood, angry gods, etc. Nothing is impossible, if you only believe.

  14. @Ed
    I wonder whether if the Ark were built near a prominent mountain, whether that would show how small the Ark is relative to the amount of water – ten thousand feet or more – and how inadequate it would be to the task.

  15. Stephen Kennedy

    I again went to the Ark Encounter site and went through the motion, but not completing the transaction. of buying tickets. I found that tickets are available for every time of every day, even July 7, opening day. It would seem to me that if this ark park is going to prosper at least some days and times would have sold out by now, especially considering internet ticket sales started on January 19. Maybe next time after I select a date and time and they ask for quantity, I should ask for some absurd number like 10,000 and see if they can still accommodate my request.

  16. Thanks for the update, Stephen Kennedy.

  17. Techreseller

    I believe people do have an Ark fear. Fear of paying good US dollars to see a fake ark, with fake animals, that will bore the kids to death. That would be my fear if I had small children and was deciding how to spend my limited vacation dollars.