Ken Ham: Noah’s Amazing Technology

Did you know that Noah was a master of high-technology? That’s what we learn today from Ken Ham (ol’ Hambo), the Australian entrepreneur who has become the ayatollah of Appalachia. He posted the information in his very own blog at the website of his creationist ministry, Answers in Genesis (AIG).

Hambo’s title is: Ancient Non-Stick Frying Pans. Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us, and scripture references omitted:

With the construction quickly progressing at the Ark Encounter site in Northern Kentucky, I frequently get asked how Noah could’ve built the Ark without all our modern equipment. I always point out that our culture often, consciously or unconsciously, has an evolutionary view of mankind.

What does an “an evolutionary view of mankind” mean in this context? Hambo explains:

We think of our ancestors as more primitive or less intelligent than us. But nothing could be further from the truth!

Oh. Any improvement in our knowledge is “evolution.” Hambo is implacably opposed to evolution, so he’s also opposed to the idea that we could ever make any improvements in anything. Okay, we understand. Let’s read on:

The truth is that we don’t know what kind of technologies Noah had — details are not given in the Bible. But we do know that all people are made in God’s image, and man was intelligent, resourceful, creative, and innovative from the beginning.

Right. Adam & Eve lived in a high-tech Garden of Eden — electric lights, indoor plumbing, the whole works! Hambo continues:

We also know people were already working with metals such as bronze and iron and were playing musical instruments long before Noah was born.

Not too long before Noah, because there wasn’t that much time available. Wikipedia reports that according to the Ussher chronology, the Flood was in 2348 BC, and the world was created in 4004 BC. Ah well, here’s more:

People were also living over 900 years — imagine what geniuses like Sir Isaac Newton, Albert Einstein, or Thomas Edison could’ve accomplished if they’d lived that long! By the time of Noah, they may have had technology we would envy today.

Indeed. Who wouldn’t want to live in the technological paradise Noah enjoyed? In case you doubt their accomplishments, Hambo has evidence. He tells us:

And we find evidence that this might be the case. In the generations after the Flood, Noah’s descendants built pyramids in Egypt and ziggurats in South America that engineers have been trying to explain for years. Since much of their technology disappeared with these civilizations, we still don’t know how they accomplished these architectural feats. But we’re continually getting glimpses of the genius of ancient man.

Not convinced yet? Then wait ’til you see what’s coming next:

A recent discovery made in Italy sheds more light on the intelligence of our ancestors. If you cook, you probably know the frustration of everything sticking to your frying pan. Well, people 2,000 years ago did too! So they invented non-stick frying pans. Found in a garbage dump near Naples, the high-quality pottery pans featured a “red-slip coating” to keep food from sticking.

[*Begin Drool Mode*] Ooooooooooooh! [*End Drool Mode*] Hambo isn’t just making things up. He has a link to this article: Ancient Non-Stick Pan Factory Found in Italy. You may not be convinced, but Hambo is — and his opinion is the only one that matters. Here’s his last paragraph:

Our ancestors, descendants of Adam and Eve and made in God’s image just like us, were every bit as intelligent as we are (probably even more so). They ran into problems and came up with innovative solutions to solve these problems, just like we do. There’s no reason to assume that they couldn’t do amazing things like build an Ark for the saving of mankind.

Of course, it’s only a coincidence that Hambo’s article was posted on April first.

Copyright © 2016. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

add to del.icio.usAdd to Blinkslistadd to furlDigg itadd to ma.gnoliaStumble It!add to simpyseed the vineTailRankpost to facebook

. AddThis Social Bookmark Button . Permalink for this article

25 responses to “Ken Ham: Noah’s Amazing Technology

  1. I can’t get the link to open on my computer, but I think those are the “non-stick pans” that leach a frankly incredible amount of heavy metal into food.

  2. Clearly the God-hating secularists have so to speak jumped from the frying pan into the fire — driven back by Ham’s latest revelations about antediluvian technology.

    The unfair question of how Noah could build such a huge Ark can finally be answered. He obviously fed the God-given designs into his computer, pushed a button and 3D-printed all the components, then taking them to the nearest robotized factory where they could be automatically fitted together.

  3. “There’s no reason to assume that they couldn’t do amazing things like build an Ark for the saving of mankind.”
    Well, he didn’t actually save mankind, only his kin, who went on in their incestuous rampage to repopulate the earth with sinners.

  4. waldteufel

    When paleontologists tens of thousands of years hence unearth Hambo’s pretend boat, they will likely be stunned by two amazing discoveries: the tracks of knuckle-dragging primates, and the petrified drool associated with those tracks.

    Imagine how our descendants might cheerfully gather up the petrified drool and debate what it means, and what to call it. Hmmmm, they might wonder, it looks a lot like my coprolite specimen . . . .

  5. Not only was this non-stick “better than teflon” Cumanae pottery sold all over Europe, it was does with Infomercials! The infomercial hosts even had English accents! Because you know if the host has an English accent he must be pedaling some really classy crap.

  6. michaelfugate

    Are Klinghoffer and Ham the same person?

  7. jimroberts

    Ham: “man was intelligent, resourceful, creative, and innovative from the beginning.”
    Actually, not quite from the beginning, it was only after Eve took the advice of the wise serpent and ate the fruit of knowledge. As we know, the LORD God was displeased by this, and frightened: Gen 3:22-23 “And the LORD God said, Behold, the man is become as one of us, to know good and evil: and now, lest he put forth his hand, and take also of the tree of life, and eat, and live for ever: Therefore the LORD God sent him forth from the garden of Eden”

    Ham: “Noah’s descendants built pyramids in Egypt and ziggurats in South America that engineers have been trying to explain for years.”
    And, as we know, the LORD was also afraid of the consequences of this, as related in Gen 11: “And the LORD came down to see the city and the tower, which the children of men builded. And the LORD said, Behold, the people is one, and they have all one language; and this they begin to do: and now nothing will be restrained from them, which they have imagined to do. Go to, let us go down, and there confound their language, that they may not understand one another’s speech. So the LORD scattered them abroad …”

  8. The pyramids in Egypt were completed in 2560 BC. If the Great Flud occurred in 2348 BC, uh, Houston, we have a problem.

  9. There’s no reason to assume that they couldn’t do amazing things like build an Ark for the saving of mankind.

    There’s even less reason to assume they did any such thing.

  10. The only thing impressive about the Ark Encounter site is the sheer waste of money and materials to build a complete joke. Got to love all the German cranes, steel bolts and brackets. Marine engineers must be killing themselves laughing at what a stupidly inept structure they have created.

  11. michaelfugate

    Ken Ham reasons, “I can’t build an ark that could hold all the animals and actually float even with all the technology currently available (and I am the smartest person currently alive), therefore Noah must have been way smarter than I am and had technology I can’t imagine.”

  12. You godless secularist scientists mock the Flood story with your highfalutin criticisms like “How could all the geographically isolated species get to their locales from Mt. Ararat after the Flood?” But, God confounds the wise!

    Why, the answer is easy to such questions as Mister Doctor Professor Kenneth Alfred Ham, Esquire demonstrates! Noah built Star Trek transporters and beamed all the blind cave crustaceans and flightless Kakapos and polar bears to their places after the Flood and he didn’t even have Scotty! Noah was the first Captain Kirk! If the ancients had non-stick pottery, it is obvious that they had transporters!

  13. Charles Deetz ;)

    Classic example of Curmudgeon’s Law … Ignore all the other evidence and pitch the one that supports your creationist case. Medicine? Automobiles? Indoor plumbing? Nope, a pot.

  14. So the engineering of the post-diluvian pyramids and ziggurats can be explained by high levels of skill and technology possessed by people before the Flood, all of whom were long dead?

    As usual, Ham’s story is incoherent. Being the great-great-great-grandson of an architect doesn’t automatically endow someone with engineering superpowers.

  15. Dave Luckett

    I think Ham thinks that “slip” means “non-stick”. It doesn’t.

    “Slip” means a layer of extra-fine clay, red in this case, diluted to the consistency of thick paint, applied to an already-fired body, and then fired again to produce a dense, fine finish. Slip can be of a number of earthy colors, even white (using kaolin clay) and hence can be used to produce contrasting designs. Several firings are possible. The result can be very elaborate, and hence costly. But it isn’t “non-stick”. Nothing was, until the invention of teflon.

  16. @Dave Luckett
    Nice catch. There is much about slip pottery, in particular red-slip, on Wikipedia and elsewhere on the web.
    Never assume a creationist knows what he is talking about.

  17. I don’t understand why Ken accepts the scientists’ assertion that this pot was 2,000 years old. I can only suppose his crack team independently verified the finding.

  18. Mark Germano gives Hambo the benefit of the doubt:

    I can only suppose his crack team independently verified the finding.

    You mean, of course, Ham’s “crackpot team.”

  19. The notion that pre-flood civilization was some kind of technological wonderland is apparently a well-known idea in fundangelical circles. “Steampunk Babylon” is a term sometimes used to refer to it, though likely not by its supporters.

  20. That Steampunk Babylon, does that owe much to Plato’s Atlantis? Traditional Christianity did borrow ideas from Plato

  21. Eric Lipps

    Apparently, in defiance of known history and common sense, Ham thinks the ancients just jumped over the tedious process of building technology bit by bit and went in a couple of millennia from fig leaves to magic Ark-building technologies far beyond those of mortal men today. I suppose he thinks God told them how to do it all and helped them race through the process of establishing the necessary industrial infrastructure.

    As for people living “900 years” in those days, there is no actual physical evidence that this was ever so. “It says so in the Bible” proves nothing, especially if you’re claiming that science supports Scripture.

  22. Eric Lipps

    Ham:

    “Noah’s descendants built pyramids in Egypt and ziggurats in South America that engineers have been trying to explain for years.”
    And, as we know, the LORD was also afraid of the consequences of this, as related in Gen 11: “And the LORD came down to see the city and the tower, which the children of men builded. And the LORD said, Behold, the people is one, and they have all one language; and this they begin to do: and now nothing will be restrained from them, which they have imagined to do. Go to, letus go down, and there confound their language, that they may not understand one another’s speech. So the LORD scattered them abroad …”

    Then there’s this gem uncovered by jimroberts, above:

    Gen 3:22-23 “And the LORD God said, Behold, the man is become as one of us, to know good and evil: and now, lest he put forth his hand, and take also of the tree of life, and eat, and live for ever: Therefore the LORD God sent him forth from the garden of Eden”

    Anyone else bothered by that “us” part? Not Ken Ham, apparently, since it seems to slip right past this earnest student of both science and Scripture.

  23. gnome de net

    The LORD God was establishing the precedent for use of the royal “we”, or majestic plural (pluralis majestatis in Latin).

    Or as Queen Victoria might say, were she alive: “We are still not amused”.

  24. @Mark Germano
    “I don’t understand why Ken accepts the scientists’ assertion that this pot was 2,000 years old. I can only suppose his crack team independently verified the finding.”

    Silly man, the date is clearly stamped on the bottom of the pot as to when it was made. “Acme Pot Company, 2340 B.C.”

  25. Dave Luckett

    The funny part is, I actually possess a fine grey slipware pot, 4500 years old. It isn’t non-stick, but it is extremely graceful and beautifully made, although very simple.

    Sure, our ancestors were artisans. But they didn’t invent teflon, unless their name was Roy Plunkett, and they worked for DuPont.