Transit of Mercury — The End Is Nigh!

The Drool-o-tron™ alerted us with its blaring sirens and flashing lights, which compelled us to look at the blinking letters of its wall display. They said WorldNetDaily (WND). The faithful device had locked our computer onto this article: Mercury move tied to Bible ‘destruction’ prophecy.

Oh no — a biblical destruction prophecy! You’re eager to learn what it says, but first, a bit of background is necessary. Most of you are aware that the planet Mercury moved across the face of the Sun yesterday. Well, it always does when viewed from the plane of the solar system beyond that planet’s orbit, but yesterday it was visible from our terrestrial point of view. This is the latest of a series of articles about it which have been appearing at PhysOrg: NASA image: Mercury solar transit.

The transit was entirely natural and accurately predicted, so we didn’t see any reason to write about it. However, the WND article has opened our eyes to the true meaning of this event. It was posted a day before the transit occurred. Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us.

May 9, 2016, heralds a relatively rare astronomical phenomenon: Mercury will transit across the face of the sun. The innermost planet will take about seven hours to make the trek, and during that time it will cast a tiny shadow on Earth. It will be visible from most places with the exception of Japan, Australia, New Zealand, and islands in the West Pacific. The transit will begin at 7:12 a.m. EDT and end at 2:42 p.m.

Okay, no big deal — so far. But hold on, dear reader, you won’t believe what’s coming:

But this particular transit is more than just a natural phenomenon which happens between eight and 13 times a century. The YouTube channel The Prophetico says the way in which the planets will line up in conjunction with star constellations may mean the end is near.

[*Begin Drool Mode*] Ooooooooooooh — the end is near! [*End Drool Mode*] Let’s read on:

Specifically, May 6 was the start of a new moon cycle, and it will be a “super moon” where the moon reaches its closest point in its orbit to Earth. Three days later, on May 9, when the Mercury transit occurs, the moon will be in a crescent state to viewers on Earth.

Gasp — this can’t be just a coincidence! WND continues:

The Express notes, “The number three is significant here as according to BibleStudy.org it is related to sex sins in the Bible.”

Egad — sex sins! Here’s more:

Additionally, from a vantage point in Jerusalem, the crescent moon will line up with the Orion star constellation, turning Orion’s club in to a “mace.” The Prophetico goes on to say: “The moon itself has been turned into a sickle, so literally turning Orion’s club into a mace as he strikes the lion’s whelp along the cheek, during the transit [of Mercury]”.

A mace! A sickle! Aaaargh!! Moving along:

The positions of the sun and the planets – Venus, Mercury, Earth, Mars, and Saturn – create another crescent. Jupiter is the only planet not falling into the pattern. According to the narrator, “this is extremely prophetic looking” since from Earth’s perspective, Jupiter sits in the constellation Leo – which in Biblical terms is the Lion of Judah. The Prophetico warns that this could be a sign that this could be interpreted as the end times for humanity.

Your Curmudgeon has never been so frightened. There’s a bit more to the WND article, but we are too badly shaken to go on. There’s nothing to be done except hug the dogs and wait for The End. Therefore, we bid you farewell, and as we always do with these doomsday posts, we close with this:

Thats all folks

Copyright © 2016. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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22 responses to “Transit of Mercury — The End Is Nigh!

  1. jimroberts

    The next transit is due in 2019, 3, count ’em, 3 years from now. Surely a sign that in three years we will be even close to the end of humanity!

  2. longshadow

    The left out the obvious connection to “precious natural fluids.”

  3. When The End comes, Longie, your bodily fluids won’t save you.

  4. michaelfugate

    The Prophetico warns that this could be a sign that this could be interpreted as the end times for humanity.

    Could be? Could be? Like every other prophet of doom, more assuredly wrong than right. Gotta love the idle threats of moral authoritarians – God is really mad now – not all those other times we were told God was mad and did nothing – this time is different. I imagine God channeling its inner Jackie Gleason “One of these days… POW!!! Right in the kisser!”

  5. Might have something to do with Trump’s candidacy.

  6. Eric Lipps

    Oh, no! The Jupiter Effect wasn’t enough to terrify us all into repentance, so now the Lord has arranged the heavens to produce the Transit of Doom©! Surely Armageddon is nigh! Abandon all belief in heathen notions such as evolution, ye sinners!

  7. Eric Lipps

    Did it again, goddamn, er, I mean, goshdarn it! (Never know who’s listening do we?) That should be “heathen,” of course. Oh, for an edit button.

    [*Voice from above*] Soon, all your problems will be over.

  8. Derek Freyberg

    Anyone remember the “blood moons”, and how they prophesied disaster, doom, dungeons and dragons?

  9. Interesting book that recently came out might be of interest called “The Big Picture”:
    http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/godless-universe-a-physicist-searches-for-meaning-in-nature/

  10. Wow, each paragraph gets more hilarious than the last! Everything they point out is completely irrelevant.
    Doesn’t the Bible condemn astrology? Isn’t that what they’re doing here?

  11. anevilmeme

    Last years “blood moons” n’est pas?

  12. Troy – you have to remember that the Hamites can have it both ways, using their superior logic and understanding of God’s Words. Obviously astrology is oft-condemned by various verses in the Bible. But, the magi, apparently astrologers themselves, were specially called because God used the stars to show the magi the way, even though apparently no one else, including Herod’s astrologers, could see the sign. In other words, it’s a miracle!

  13. The Express notes, “The number three is significant here as according to BibleStudy.org it is related to sex sins in the Bible.”

    Really? I missed that part. Sounds like a good number for a sex sin, though.

  14. Multiply three by 23, you get an even better number for a sex sin.

  15. Eric Lipps writes, “Surely Armageddon is nigh!”

    Another end of the world prediction?

    Bah! Armageddon tired of those!

  16. “Mercury will transit across the face of the sun. The innermost planet will take about seven hours to make the trek, and during that time it will cast a tiny shadow on Earth.”

    The only reason this WND writer knows these facts is BECAUSE OF [BLEEP]ING SCIENCE!

    Seriously, the rest of this is just ignorant mythology. This is what our ancestors did, sitting around the campfire, confusing correlation and causation, trying to explain the origins of the universe (like the tiny-brained toddlers we were), and wishing for the invention of Tucks medicated pads.

  17. jimroberts

    “Multiply three by 23, you get an even better number for a sex sin.”
    Even better, 23 is the ninth prime, and nine is 3 times 3. It seems that we can learn a lot from numerology!

  18. In Wikipedia’s article on the transit of Mercury, it notes that the last transit of our littlest planet was actually observed by Curiosity from Mars. Kind of cool, right? But, you know who rules Mars? Robots, that’s who. So the transit is a prelude to the Robot Revolution.

    Enjoy your enslavement at the hands of your mechanical masters, losers: I just cut a sweet deal with my Roomba.

  19. I dunno, I feel fine!

  20. The whole truth

    This thread is hilarious.🙂

  21. How can these people be serious? There are corporations that actually employ people that believe this horses$%t? Can you imagine the dinner table conversations? And the teenager rolling his or her eyes constantly.