Mary Lou — The Election Countdown Ends Here

Mary Lou Bruner

Mary Lou Bruner

Final results, 100% of precincts reporting
Keven M. Ellis: 59.2%
Mary Lou Bruner: 40.8

This is what you’ve been waiting for, dear reader. Tomorrow, 24 May, is the big day! That’s when there will be a runoff election to choose the Republican candidate for the District 9 seat on the Texas State Board of Education (SBOE).

The leading candidate is Mary Lou Bruner. Her write-up in Wikipedia says:

[She] has been called the “looniest politician in Texas”, has been publicly ridiculed for her views. “I don’t know why I’m getting so much attention” Bruner said in an interview. “I’m just saying what I believe.”

Mary Lou’s opponent for the nomination is Keven Ellis, a chiropractor. Both are seeking the seat currently held by Thomas Ratliff, who is not running for re-election. Until 2010, that seat had been occupied by the legendary creationist dentist Don McLeroy, and as we reported earlier, Don McLeroy Endorses Mary Lou Bruner.

With the fading careers of past Creationist Hotties, Mary Lou has become our new creationist poster girl. We look forward to her success in winning the McLeroy seat. She is the embodiment of ideal creationist womanhood.

We’ve recently posted about some setbacks Mary Lou’s campaign has received. In Mary Lou Countdown — 9 Days To Go, we reported that the Longview News-Journal, located in Mary Lou’s District 9, had endorsed her opponent. And in Mary Lou Countdown — 5 Days To Go, we learned that a local tea party had withdrawn their earlier endorsement of her candidacy.

Can anything else go wrong? Apparently so. Today, on the eve of the primary election, in the Tyler Morning Telegraph of Tyler, Texas we read Tyler Paper makes runoff endorsements. Why is that important? Because Tyler is located in Smith County, one of the counties that comprise District 9, which Mary Lou hopes to represent.

Most of the newspaper’s endorsements don’t interest us, but here’s what they say about Mary Lou’s contest:

In the Republican primary runoff election for the State Board of Education, retired Mineola educator Mary Lou Bruner is facing off with Lufkin school board president Keven Ellis. Because of some troubling statements and claims made by Ms. Bruner – in the past and more recently – our endorsement goes to Ellis.

We’re getting worried. What will we do without Mary Lou? Well, it’s still too early to think about that. The newspaper also says:

Both are conservative Republicans who want to see more local control and less of the onerous high-stakes testing that plague our classrooms. But the truth is the issue here. Ms. Bruner has made, and continues to make, untrue statements and bizarre claims. She refused to admit a mistake. Ellis is a committed conservative and a proven leader. Ellis will bring a clear head and a responsible tone to the board.

That’s all they say about the Mary Lou election, but it’s not good. Tomorrow’s voting will tell the tale. This is where the results will be posted, so stay tuned to this blog!

Copyright © 2016. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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40 responses to “Mary Lou — The Election Countdown Ends Here

  1. Should the unspeakably dreadful calamity occur (Heaven forfend!) and the scrumptious Mary Lou does not become the duly-annointed Queen of Texan Creationism, we must at least hope that she will be immortalised in the pages of the Discoveroids’ Actes and Monuments of these Latter and Perillous Days, better known as Stein’s Book of Expelled Martyrs.

    For it is manifest here that the fell tentacles of the godless Darwinist conspiracy have reached e’en unto the editorial offices of the Longview News-Journal and the Tyler Morning Telegraph in order to promote its vile agenda of gender fluidity, cannibalism, atheism, Bolshevism, mass con-trail poisoning of our precious bodily fluids, Sharia Law, and the heartbreak of psoriasis.

    Good and Holy Voters of East Texas, this is your hour to stand firm in the name of all that is Righteous and Holy! Now is the hour to fight unto the last for the glory of Applehood, Motherpie, and the Door I Left Behind with the Next Girl!

  2. “unspeakaly”? Literally: “unspeakably”. Apologies for the typo.

    But in mitigation of mine offence: You can tell just how rattled I am by these appalling acts of treachery on Mary Lou by the local press.

    [*Voice from Above*] That and two other typos have been fixed, while leaving the quaint Britishisms intact. Your loss of focus is understandable. Mary Lou has that effect on men.

  3. Off topic–but I’m such a nervous wreck worrying about Mary Lou that I simply must keep myself occupied, somehow.

    And how better than to hail my own prophetic gifts! In our Curmudgeon’s IFFZ of 20 May 2016, I noted recent press reports of Nile crocodiles in the Florida Everglades, and sighed over the fact that “No one seems to be proposing the crocs rafted over–which is a pity, as Klinghoffer would have fun with that.

    Well, I really should have had more faith in the redoubtable Klingy, who does not disappoint with his latest blog droppings:
    Nile Crocodiles Turn Up in Florida; Did They Raft?

    His piece (I won’t specify just of what it is a piece) usefully links to the DI’s previous rantings on raftings, and concludes with ringing words, viz:

    In any event, do you have this straight? Monkeys, which don’t swim, can navigate oceans while clinging to mats of mud, shrubbery, and tree debris. Crocodiles, which do swim, cannot.

    O that Klinghoffer, he’s such a card!

    …OK, we now resume our Mary Lou election vigil.

  4. waldteufel

    As the Great Claw did, I awakened thie morning as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. For all of my bravado to date, I too look at the picture of the ever-lovely Mary Lou and sigh. Anyway, our hope continues that the drool in East Texas is deep enough to float her to victory!

  5. So I guess the Sensuous Curmudgeon’s policy is if two loons are running for a seat pick the more entertainingly crazy one.

  6. So this is a republican run-off for the seat, and there was no democrat in opposition for the seat?

  7. Even in the UK, they’re interested in Mary Lou. This is in the Guardian: Texas board of education vote is critical for conservatives – and US schools.

  8. michaelfugate

    I am sure Democrats have to be out of east Texas by sundown.

  9. Our Curmudgeon notes

    Even in the UK, they’re interested in Mary Lou.

    American Loon Watching is a venerable UK tradition. There are competing theories as to why this is so; let’s teach the controversy!

    Theory 1 holds that, firmly lodged in the British collective psyche, there is a bedrock conviction that someday those errant American colonials will finally realise they are incapable of governing themselves wisely, will thereby regret their petulant departure from the sanctuary of the British Crown, and thus humbly beg permission to resubmit to Her Majesty Lizzie II. This would be particularly timely should the UK vote to leave the European Union next month, for the nation would then be casting about for a new role on the world stage and is too easily dazzled by dreams of its past imperial ‘glories’ (if such they can be called–but that’s another controversy altogether)

    Theory 2 maintains that, in watching the jaw-droppingly bizarre spectacle of American kindergarten politics, Britons console themselves in the manner of Aesop’s fox with the grapes, i.e., “Thank God we’re rid of those barking-mad colonials! Who in their right mind would want responsibility for such a lunatic lot?”

  10. michaelfugate

    I see SC beat me to the Guardian article – sorry for the double post on that. It was a thrilling discovery. I am quite shocked that Mary Lou and Mr. Mary Lou weren’t holding hands in prayer; it would have made it a much more touching scene. I am curious that I can’t find Mary Lou weighing on Jade Helm.

  11. …But…but…didn’t The Donald expose Rafael Cruz as the hidden gunman on the grassy knoll in Dallas, 22 November 1963??!

    Was Mary Lou in fact a super-secret double-agent of a sleeper cell in that conspiracy? Was Lee Harvey Oswald the secret love child of Rafael Cruz and Mary Lou? Could Mary Lou be a disguised reptilian alien from a distant planet seeking to infiltrate the Texas SBOE as part of a vast intergalactic conspiracy??

    I can’t keep up!

  12. …But surely, now that Mary Lou has been exposed as a co-conspirator with Rafael Cruz, it is no mystery that Oswald was framed in the Texas School Book Depository Building.

    All the pieces fit! Tell World News Daily to stop the presses! We have a real scoop for them!

  13. “Could Mary Lou be a disguised reptilian alien from a distant planet seeking to infiltrate the Texas SBOE as part of a vast intergalactic conspiracy??”

    Isn’t that a given since she is representing District 9?
    http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1136608/

  14. michaelfugate

    What does she know about the Zodiac Killer?

    In another trope, she has claimed that too much evolution and not enough prayer is the cause for school shootings – yet shootings have been recorded for as long as there have been schools and guns – go figure. And prayer seems to have little effect.

  15. “reptilian alien”

    I failed to point out that crustacean arthropod would be more appropriate than reptilian. You know, like an evil Zoidberg.

  16. “That’s remarkable when you think about the state the size of Texas, with an economy the size that we have, and the influence that we have around the rest of the country … It makes us look like a backwater. [the guardian]
    Indeed it does, and you are, Texas, quite backwater people.

    “She is standing in district 9…” [the guardian]
    Yes, I remember, the aliens live in district 9, and Mary Lou is clearly one of them and not of this world, spaced out as she is.

  17. According to what I found online, polls close in Texas at 7 pm Central Time. For the rest of the US, that’s 6 pm Mountain Time, 5 pm Pacific Time, and 8:00 Eastern Time. Wherever you are, it’s 3 and a half hours from now.

  18. 6006 BC, Mary Lou’s time.

  19. Only 45 minutes until the polls close. Then how long until we learn the results? I can’t stand the suspense!

  20. michaelfugate

    5 minutes now. I like how in the Daily Mail article she claims nothing she said earlier counts because she didn’t know then that she would be running for office.

  21. michaelfugate
  22. Results should also appear here: May 24 Runoff Races. Scroll down to State Board of Education. No results yet.

  23. michaelfugate, that’s a good link. It automatically updates, and cycles through all the races.

  24. Around 25% of the votes are counted, and Ellis still has 55 percent. I may quit this for now and check it out in the morning.

  25. Egad, 34% of the votes are counted, and Ellis still has 55 percent. Poor Mary Lou. But, paraphrasing Rick in Casablanca, we’ll always have Gomorrah.

  26. michaelfugate

    They just called it for Ellis 58.8% with 78% of the vote in.

  27. Poor Curmudgeon, you won’t have Mary Lou to kick around any more.

    But about her fairy tale that Obama was a prostitute to support his drug habit, if it were true, what an awesome unbeatable rags-to-riches story that would make. From addicted prostitute to world leader! ONLY IN AMERICA! It brings tears to my eyes!

    On the other hand it seems you can be too screwy, even for Texas.

  28. O woe and alack the day! Let the devil wear black, for I’ll have a suit of sables.

    O heavens! I am yet deep in mourning o’er the untimely loss of dear coz Casey, and hark! now comes this fresh fardel to bear! ‘Tis Ossa heaped on Pelion, and my heart must needs crack with woe, for I can but plaintive sing (by filching a tune from Buddy Holly):

    If you knew
    Mary Lou
    And th’election that she blew!
    Blockhead Mary,
    My Mary Lou!
    Oh well, I love you, gal
    Yes, I love you, Mary Lou!

    Mary Lou, Mary Lou,
    Oh, how this blog yearns for you!
    Oh, Mary, my Mary Lou!
    Oh well, I love you, gal
    Yes, I love you Mary Lou!

    Mary Lou, Mary Lou,
    Loony, goony, puny, swoony Mary Lou!
    Oh, Mary, my Mary Lou!
    Oh well, I love you, gal
    And we need you, Mary Lou!

    I love you, Mary Lou,
    And the bollocks that you spew!
    Oh, Mary, my Mary Lou!
    Well, I love you, gal,
    And we need you, Mary Lou!

  29. I just amended the post to reflect the final results: Keven M. Ellis: 59.2%, and Mary Lou Bruner: 40.8. Almost a 60-40 blowout.

  30. When one is in line at the check-out counter, think of the person ahead of you, and the person behind you, and the clerk, as a random sample of people. One of those is in the 33% who believe in/vote for X.
    Even worse, think of the panel of your peers on the jury. How many out of 12 think that Elvis is alive? (Not counting you.)
    A friend of mind just returned from jury duty. She and her fellow jurors were told four times that this is not a reality show, that this is reality.

  31. michaelfugate

    On the surface, I can see why MLB almost won the 1st time; she had solid credentials with 39 years as a teacher, tea party endorsement, and a back-to-basics platform. Her Achilles’ heel was that she really seems to think she is always right – because in her small world she always could be; it is easy to know more than pre-teens and, even if you don’t, you can always pull rank. Then after people called her on all the nonsense she spouted – especially about education and even local education, she wouldn’t back down, she wouldn’t apologize, and in the end she was abandoned.

  32. michaelfugate observes of Mary Lou:

    she wouldn’t back down, she wouldn’t apologize, and in the end she was abandoned

    Sic semper tyrannis!

  33. michaelfugate

    From the Texas Tribune:

    “It would appear that a perfect storm occurred to defeat Bruner,” Jones [Rice University political scientist Mark Jones ] said in an email Tuesday night. “Superintendents and teachers (and their friends and families) across the district rallied against her due to disagreement with her positions on education policy, the belief she would not be a good representative of the district’s interests, and the embarrassment they felt her election would bring to the region.”

    Ouch!

  34. michaelfugate

    Mary Lou gracious in defeat?

    In a Facebook post Wednesday, she [Mary Lou] tied the outcome of the race to “the Establishment’s struggle to remain in complete control.”

    That “is what we are dealing with throughout all levels of government,” she wrote. “I entered the SBOE race to shine a light on some things that need to change in our public schools. Cock-roaches and politicians do not like their evil and deceptive actions exposed to the light.”

  35. Well, it appears that the Republican voters of District 9 of East Texas came to their senses just in time for the run-off. Too bad the Republican voters in the state primaries across the nation didn’t do the same.

  36. michaelfugate

    I know Mary Lou is old news, but this just in from the Texas SBOE: picking “textbooks” published by Cynthia Dunbar’s company written by Christian zealots with no background in the subject…

    http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2016/may/31/texas-textbook-mexican-american-heritage-public-schools-us-history