Oook, Oook! Ken Ham and Harambe

By now, everyone has heard about Harambe, the 17-year-old silverback gorilla that was fatally shot by zoo officials after a four-year-old boy slipped into the ape’s enclosure. It’s not the sort of thing we write about here, but we can’t overlook an article by Ken Ham (ol’ Hambo), the world’s holiest man who knows more about religion and science than everyone else.

Hambo’s post is Cincinnati Zoo and the Gorilla: A Biblical Perspective. Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us:

The news that a gorilla was shot and killed at the Cincinnati Zoo to save the life of a four-year-old boy who slipped into the gorilla enclosure has hit the world news. Here in our Cincinnati area, it’s currently the main topic of discussion on radio talk shows, TV newscasts, and other media.

It’s even bigger news than Hambo’s “replica” of Noah’s Ark. Let’s read on:

Many people are stating that zoo officials made the right decision, yet others say the gorilla should not have been shot. Some blame the zoo; others blame the child’s mother. Now nobody on our staff was there to see what happened.

Ah, then to the ultimate creationist question, Were you there?, Hambo’s answer is “No.” We therefore approach what follows with considerable skepticism:

However, I have no doubt that a world-class zoo like this one, which I have visited dozens of times, had prepared for the possibility of an encounter between a wild animal and a zoo visitor. From my vantage point, the zoo professionals involved made the best decision they could, given the circumstances.

But how can he know that? He wasn’t there! Hambo continues:

From a biblical perspective, there are some comments we can make.

Ah, Hambo turns to the greatest authority of all! He makes four comments about what’s in scripture. We’ll attempt to summarize:

[S]in has affected the entire universe and all life, including the behavior of gorillas! … When God created Adam and Eve, He gave humans dominion over all the animals … . After the Flood, God reiterated this role of dominion. … Humans were made very different from the animals, in that humans were made in the image of God … .

With that to guide him, Hambo says:

So working from the perspective of a biblical worldview, I would state the following regarding the gorilla incident at the Cincinnati Zoo:

He then makes four statements. Again, we’ll try to summarize them:

The young boy (unlike the gorilla, which is just an animal) is made in the image of God and is a human being who has a soul that will live forever. … We cannot impose human emotion/morality on a gorilla — it is not made in the image of God. We should not anthropomorphically assume that the gorilla’s decency would have kept him from harming the boy in the enclosure had the zoo professionals not intervened so quickly. … Therefore when deciding what to do in a situation where a human being, made in God’s image, is in the control of a sin-cursed animal with no sense of human morality, we must do all we can to protect the child from harm.

Impressive, huh? Here’s more:

We are all saddened by such an event when an animal is killed and a child is harmed. But it is a reminder that we do live in a fallen world — and a reminder of the value of each human life made in the image of God. It’s also a reminder to me of the people who complain about an animal dying but inconsistently support or condone the murdering of 58 million children by abortion in America since Roe v. Wade!

That was brilliant! Who but Hambo could bring the topic of abortion into this zoo incident? And he did it with a dazzling display of flawless bible logic! Here’s one last excerpt:

And while it is sad that such a magnificent animal had to die, I praise God that the boy — who is made in the image of God — was saved from the gorilla. We hope that as the boy grows up he will be saved by the Lord Jesus Christ for eternity in heaven.

Your confusion is ended, dear reader. Now, thanks to Hambo, you know how to think about the Harambe incident.

Copyright © 2016. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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22 responses to “Oook, Oook! Ken Ham and Harambe

  1. Ah, then to the ultimate creationist question, Were you there?, Hambo’s answer is “No.” We therefore approach what follows with considerable skepticism

    Okay, I admit it: I fell around laughing.

    [S]in has affected the entire universe and all life, including the behavior of gorillas!

    This was pretty good too. You were obviously in an inspired mood. Oh, wait a minute . . .

  2. michaelfugate

    Hmmm. Would a pre-Fall gorilla have not gotten himself shot in that situation?

  3. Wait, if humans are made in the image of God, does that mean God had a dirty print head when he made the other great apes?

  4. So, if I follow Hambone’s “logic”, the gorilla died for our sins, just like the baby Jesus. It’ll be a big surprise to the zoo when it wakes up in three days!

  5. Charles Deetz ;)

    I was expecting something a bit more along the lines of: “What would Noah have done if a gorilla on the ark got a hold of one of his sons?”

  6. I was expecting something a bit more along the lines of: “What would Noah have done if a gorilla on the ark got a hold of one of his sons?”

    It depends upon which toilet the gorilla was trying to use.

  7. It’ll be a big surprise to the zoo when it wakes up in three days!

    Okay, okay: that’s three falling-around-laughings I’ve had from this page. Cue KevinC, I’d suggest.

  8. Eric Lipps

    Hambo must be getting bored with creationism is he feels the need to switch rant-channels to the subject of abortion.

    Oh, and, er . . . just when did the gorilla eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil?

  9. Eric Lipps

    And by the way, shouldn’t Ham be ashamed of exploiting this tragedy? Has he at long last no sense of decency?

  10. “Has he at long last no sense of decency?”

    Before answering your question, perhaps you could show us some actual evidence that he has *ever* had any sense of decency.

  11. Well, I wasn’t there, thus I am not qualified to second guess the zoo staff’s decision. It was an emergency situation, and handled by professionals on the scene.

    Ham wasn’t there either, but he is unconstrained by that fact. He feels qualified to pontificate at length. The “were you there” argument apparently only applies to other people, when they have opinions different from his own.

  12. “I praise God that the boy — who is made in the image of God — was saved from the gorilla. We hope that as the boy grows up he will be saved by the Lord Jesus Christ for eternity in heaven.”
    As Harambe was god’s creature as well and hence his instrument obviously the zoo staff has prevented god from deciding whether the time has come from the boy to be saved by the Lord Jesus Christ for eternity in heaven. The one character systematically going against god’s will is Lucifer of course. Ol’ Hambo is defending the work of the Lord of Darkness.

  13. Usually Ham hock is a lock for comedic relief from a regular news day loaded with substantial efforts not to give into rage or despair.

    But this oozing puddle of verbal effluvia, which has an extra rank stench to it because of the “sin-cursed gorilla” comment, is far from a distraction. It’s an appalling statement of self-importance, a celebration of the ugliest parts of our own species. Never mind the shockingly stupid and invalid “technique” of grafting generic biblical “knowledge” onto questions of complex animal behavior he knows nothing about. The conclusions this vile fecal escape chasm arrives at are beyond repreach (I shan’t blaspheme He Is Who He Be by using any profanity in this response. It might upset the boy-diddling bitches gettin’ busy in the aptly named rectory).

    I wonder if Ham hock has considered that two of that type of gorilla would have been on the ark. Why would the LORD create a “sin-cursed” animal when it can never do anything to redeem itself? Doesn’t that seem incredibly petty and cruel?

    You have “transubstantiated” yourself, o Ham hock, hunble messenger of divine tweets from the our LORD, the most high Twit(terer). You used to be a staple of my comedic diet. But it is now clear ye hath been blessed with the gentle, LORD-guided conversion from the bread of comedy, of inescapably sinful secular service, to the truly horrifying flesh and blood of “god-as-Ham-hock” (which, since we are made in his image, also means “Ham-hock-as-god), a walking, talking offering of sanctified skin and purified plasma for anyone who wants salvation to snack on.

    Appropriately enough, the lines that I keep going to arrive the last ones Martin Sheen says in “Apocalypse Now”: “The horror! The horror!”

    F___ off and die, you criminal waste of oxygen.

  14. waldteufel

    Hambo dribbles out: “Now nobody on our staff was there to see what happened.”
    Now why on earth would a report from one of Hambo’s reality-denying staff be considered in any way reliable?

  15. Eddie Janssen

    @ mnbo:
    The members of the zoo staff are god’s creatures as well. Problem solved.
    Ad infinitum (I think).

  16. waldteufel

    Charles asks: “What would Noah have done if a gorilla on the ark got a hold of one of his sons?”
    The biblically correct answer is: probably nothing, as he would likely be sleeping and drunk in his tent.

  17. ChrisC kicks in an open door: “It’s an appalling statement of self-importance.”
    Everything Ol’ Hambo says and writes is an appalling statement of self-importance. Everything, everywhere, always.
    No Eddie, the members of the zoo staff have free will, unlike Harambe. Or does Ol’ Hambo defend predestination?

  18. Being created in the Christian god’s image only goes so far. I’m still pissed that we no longer have the pre-Fall celestial gut flora that made Adam and Eve’s farts smell like freshly baked chocolate chip cookies. What, Hambo says they didn’t? Was he there?

  19. If Adam and Eve before the Fall had gut flora which did grow … But didn’t die …?

  20. I got nuthin’. Considering all of the new concepts, processes, pathways, and organisms that would be required to get from whatever the Garden of Eden was to post-Fall Earth, I like to call the Fall by its other name: Creation 2: Electric Boogaloo.

  21. Not to mention the recovery from the Flood.

  22. Martin Schneider

    I too live in the Cincinnati area. While there are opinions all over the map, it comes down to this…God, fear of God, etc. had nothing to do with the decision to shot the poor gorilla. Why you may ask, the gorilla behavior can not be predicted and it was decide to make the ultimate choice and the safety of the kid won. Again….God had nothing to do with this. Sorry Ken.