Oook, Oook! Klinghoffer and Harambe

Yesterday we wrote Oook, Oook! Ken Ham and Harambe. Today it’s the Discovery Institute’s turn. They just posted Killing Harambe — An Intelligent Design Perspective at their creationist blog.

This is great! Yesterday we got ol’ Hambo’s biblical view of things, and today we’re getting the Discoveroids’ interpretation. It was written by David Klinghoffer, a Discoveroid “senior fellow” (i.e., flaming, full-blown creationist), who eagerly functions as their journalistic slasher and poo flinger. Here are some excerpts, with bold font added by us for emphasis.

Over the Memorial Day holiday, zookeepers in Cincinnati made the correct decision to shoot and kill a gorilla, Harambe, to protect a little boy who had fallen into the animal’s enclosure.

That’s nice, but we want to know how he reached that conclusion. He tells us:

For the gorilla’s death, a first response might thus be to look for someone to blame — the kid’s mom, perhaps, for paying too little attention to what her son was doing, or the zoo, for failing to make sure the moat where Harambe was enjoying the water was secure against little climbers. But the truth is, unfortunate circumstances happen, sometimes unavoidably.

Whoa — hold on a minute! We’ve been studying Discoveroid science for quite some time now, and if we’ve learned anything, it’s that things don’t just happen. That’s the way those vile Darwinists talk about mutations. The Discoveroids are always telling us that when something improbable happens, it’s a great big clue that the intelligent designer was involved. How can Klinghoffer casually throw Discoveroid doctrine aside? We’re shocked — shocked! Let’s read on:

Given the choice between ape and boy, the zoo wisely chose to sacrifice the ape. They had no choice. … End of story? Not quite.

What else is there? Klinghoffer continues:

Harambe’s death has turned into a flashpoint between Right and Left [What?], addressed today, for example, by Ben Shapiro [Whoever that is] who writes:

[Klinghoffer quotes the guy:] The outrage over Harambe’s death springs from two groups: those who worship nature and those who refuse to acknowledge that sometimes bad things just happen.

BWAHAHAHAHAHA! This is incredible! It’s always those evil Darwinists who say that sometimes things happen. That’s what mutations and natural selection are all about. And it’s the creationists (including the Discoveroids) who insist that everything happens according to Plan. Now, suddenly, the gang that says “things just happen” are the good guys. Well, let’s keep going down the rabbit hole. Here’s more from Klinghoffer:

The impulse is always to react to strong feelings at the death of a “mere” animal by dismissing those feelings as self-indulgent liberal emotionalism. However, the perspective that recognizes design in nature offers a caution against this impulse. It’s a conservative habit to scold others for listening to feelings over intellect. Emotions, however, once investigated, often turn out to conceal wisdom worthy of respect.

What? Now we’re going to learn about the superiority of feelings over intellect. He quotes somebody who allegedly said, and the ellipsis is in Klinghoffer’s quote: “in crucial cases… repugnance is the emotional expression of deep wisdom, beyond reason’s power fully to articulate.” Then Klinghoffer tells us:

If that’s true of disgust, then maybe it’s also true of the instinctive response of wonder and exalted admiration when confronted with a gorilla. Such a creature directs our attention to a transcendent care for awesome beauty, hidden just behind the veil of nature. Add to this the animal’s critically endangered status, and is there enough to justify more than a dismissive “moment to be upset” about Harambe’s death? I think so.

But what about the “flashpoint between Right and Left,” that is, between “those who worship nature and those who refuse to acknowledge that sometimes bad things just happen.” Which side is Klinghoffer on? He seems to be all over the place. Moving along:

The design in nature extends everywhere, to animals and plants of all kinds. Yes, each has its place, and typically that place subordinates one to another, with all being subordinated to man.

Uh huh. The intelligent designer — blessed be he! — has given us dominion over them. It seems we read that somewhere. Anyway, if you’re as confused as we are up to this point, perhaps Klinghoffer’s final paragraph will clear things up:

There was, again, no rational choice as to whether to sacrifice an ape to save a boy.

But this shouldn’t negate feeling shocked, even outraged, at the gorilla’s death if it could have in any way been avoided. We are entitled not only to experience such a feeling but also to justify it on rational grounds. Even if the death could not have been avoided, sensitive and thoughtful people should not dismiss our intuitive response — mourning the destruction of a magnificent and rare monument to intelligent design.

What in the world did he say? Can you figure it out, dear reader?

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13 responses to “Oook, Oook! Klinghoffer and Harambe

  1. Why certainly, this happening makes sense. It was not a chance event, chance doesn’t play a part in the creationist’s world. The whole event was planned by Klinghopper’s deity even before it created the universe and all the things in it. There is no other possibility given that his intelligent designer knows all, sees all, and is all powerful, otherwise this designer is not all seeing, knowing, powerful. Or is Klinghopper doubting the abilities of his supposed designer?

  2. Eric Lipps

    The design in nature extends everywhere, to animals and plants of all kinds. Yes, each has its place, and typically that place subordinates one to another, with all being subordinated to man.

    This sounds a lot like the old ostensibly Bible-based arguments that God had made women subordinate to men and all other races subordinate to whites. Naturally, Klinghoffer will stay out of that swamp in public, but other creationists probably will go for a slog in it.

    But this shouldn’t negate feeling shocked, even outraged, at the gorilla’s death if it could have in any way been avoided. We are entitled not only to experience such a feeling but also to justify it on rational grounds. Even if the death could not have been avoided, sensitive and thoughtful people should not dismiss our intuitive response — mourning the destruction of a magnificent and rare monument to intelligent design.

    Somehow I doubt that many of those upset over that gorilla’s death mourn him as a monument to intelligent design. Quite likely, most of them have never even heard of ID.

  3. Dave Luckett

    What it means is that Klingonhyper hath stumbled onto clickbait and yea, verily, hath cried aloud, “Hot dog!”

    This is because Klingclocker is an attention whore with a reserved seat on any given bandwagon. He’d show up at the opening of an envelope. Well, if you think you’re the center of the world, nothing is beneath you.

  4. Charles Deetz ;)

    The boy in peril may have been something that ‘just happened’, but the decision of how to save him was premeditated action by an intelligent being or beings. That is the point of the outrage, could a better decision have been made, could intelligence of god-given caliper worked out a solution that resulted in no deaths? Intelligent design of zoos, intelligent parents, intelligent safety plans, intelligent people who work at zoos, they all FAILED. And someone/thing died. No different than thousands of people dying of gunshots or auto accidents. Intelligence is a fleeting thing, dear Kirmey.

  5. Dave Luckett

    On a slightly saner note, I read that dominant gorilla males typically kill the juvenile offspring of other males. This typically happens when a younger male drives off the aging patriarch of a harem, or when a female with a juvenile joins one.

    Apes in zoos often appear to treat humans as members of their own species. This does not necessarily mean that they are benevolently disposed to them.

    This would imply that the boy was in serious danger. The zoo authorities were certainly aware of that.

    Obviously the enclosure should have been proof against a child getting in on the spur of a four-year-old’s curiosity. It’s another illustration of the major serious problem confronting humans and their immediate ancestors: bipedalism and big brains meant that human infants had to be born undeveloped; intelligence and socialisation requires long maturation. As a result humans are dependent on parental and other care for a period a quantum beyond that of any other life-form on the planet.

    Anybody who’s ever looked after a toddler to about a seven-year-old knows that the kid will do anything it takes into its head, and that its survival depends on totally unfailing supervision. That most human children nevertheless survive this stage is testament only to the extraordinary degree to which we have evolved viable – if only barely – workarounds to cope with it. Humans who didn’t evolve these behaviours didn’t have offspring that survived.

    Simple, practical and brutal. Well, that’s evolution for you.

  6. It’s a conservative habit to scold others for listening to feelings over intellect.

    This is the line that made me almost snort my coffee. (Well, it being that time of the evening, my IPA — same principle.) So he’s saying that conservatives’ mighty intellects guide them to The Truth about creationism and climate change, while wishy-washy lefties are guided by their feelings when they subscribe to natural selection, the big bang, climate science . . .

  7. For Klinghoffer, every equation has to start out with “ID = “, no matter what is on the right hand side. Chemistry, physics, mathematics, it doesn’t matter in the slightest, all of their equations always must start out with “ID =”. Hence
    the long string of non-sequiturs and general gibberish on the right hand side of all of the ID equations.

  8. michaelfugate

    Notice how “intuition” has become his go to word? Do you think his masters pay him extra every time he uses it?

  9. michaelfugate notes that, for Klinghoffer,

    “intuition” has become his go to word

    Indeed. I suspect that the lawyers of the DI are even now drafting proposed legislation for their next campaign, viz., a Freedom of Intuition Act

  10. Off-topic, but cool: Famous peppered moth’s dark secret revealed.

    Reaction from Jonathan Wells and the Discoveroids in 5…4…3…2…

  11. “with all being subordinated to man.”
    Uh no. This species never got the message.

    http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-reasons-we-should-be-way-more-scared-ants/

    God’s Plan is obvious. Homo Sapiens will be subordinated, especially Klinkleclapper.

  12. michaelfugate

    Other than dogs, can one think of any animals that care about humans?

  13. Dave Luckett

    According to the fable, michaelfugate, the other is the mosquito.