Creationist Wisdom #690: Self Published Genius

Today’s letter-to-the-editor appears at a website with which we’re not familiar — The Examiner. Their About Us page says: “Launched in 2008, Examiner.com is a dynamic entertainment, news and lifestyle network that serves more than 20 million monthly readers across the U.S. and around the world.” The letter is titled Why I am a creationist and not a evolutionist. They have a comments section.

The letter-writer isn’t a politician, preacher, or other public figure, so we ordinarily wouldn’t embarrass or promote him by using his full name. But this one is a bit of an exception. First, because his name is one we just can’t ignore — Dale Stuckwish. And second, because he’s the author of a book: Biblical Cryptozoology Revealed Cryptids of The Bible (Amazon listing). Amazon’s “About the Author” section tells us:

Dale Stuckwish is a Christian who loves to study the Holy Bible. He also loves to study Zoology. He loves to read and study about fossils and dinosaurs. He gives God the glory and thanks for the opportunity in writing this book about cryptozoology. He loves the Lord with all his soul, heart, and mind.

The book is available in paperback for only $15.99 and it’s a whopping 92 pages long. The publisher is Xlibris, which describes itself as: “the leading supported self-publishing services provider.” However, despite using a vanity press, Mr. Stuckwish doesn’t qualify for our list of Self-Published Geniuses, because we can’t find any press release that he’s issued to promote his book, so we’ll deal with him only as the author of a letter-to-the-editor. Excerpts from his letter will be enhanced with our Curmudgeonly commentary and some bold font for emphasis. Here we go!

I was once an evolutionist that believed animals and plants evolved over millions of years and that dinosaurs died out 65 million years ago because men said it was so.

Egad — how foolish to believe something merely “because men said it was so.” What changed his mind? Stuckwish tells us:

But that all changed when I got saved by receiving Jesus Christ as my personal Lord and Savior by faith in Him alone [bible quotes and references].

[*Swoon*] This is so inspirational! Let’s read on:

What I believe as a creationist:

• The Word Of God (KJV) from Genesis 1:1 to Revelation 22:21.

• It took six literal (24 hour) days for God to complete His creation [scripture references].

• The universe and the Earth were first things created [scripture references].

• The moon, stars and other celestial objects were created on day four of creation [scripture references].

• God created “kinds” of animals and plants. For example there are many variations of dog kinds not species. Species was a man-made term first used by Charles Darwin in his book The Origin of Species (short title). A beagle does not look like a collie but they are still the same kind, called dogs. You cannot breed a cat (feline) with a dog (canine) to produce a cat/dog hybrid.

[…]

• Dinosaurs were with man before the Flood and with man after the Flood, when they came off the Ark.

We had to skip several items, but you can read the letter to enjoy the whole catalog of beliefs. Stuckwish continues:

As a creationist I denounce the evolutionary tree of life that says every thing came from one common ancestor. As a creationist I denounce that the universe as being 14 billion years old and the Earth being 4.6 billion years old.

Here are more things Stuckwish denounces:

As a creationist I denounce the hominid line of ancestors that evolved into man, such as Australopithecus, Piltdown Man, Java Man, Nebraska Man, Neanderthal Man and many others.

BWAHAHAHAHAHA! He bravely denounces Piltdown Man and Nebraska Man. This is the last item on the list of things Stuckwish denounces:

As a creationist I denounce uniformitarianism, Darwinism, or any other evolution theory man has developed.

Okay, dear reader. That should be enough to motivate you to buy the Stuckwish book. Your life will never be the same again.

Copyright © 2016. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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15 responses to “Creationist Wisdom #690: Self Published Genius

  1. He believed evolution because men said it.

    I wonder what reason he has for his beliefs about the Solar System.

    Does he believe that the Earth is a planet because men say it? Or does he have evidence for that?

    Or does he believe that the Earth is unmoving (because the Bible says so)?

  2. Dinosaurs were with man before the Flood and with man after the Flood, when they came off the Ark.

    I’m disappointed that you omitted Stuckwish’s scriptural references backing up this assertion.

  3. michaelfugate

    I guess Dale has never heard of Linnaeus?

  4. Eric Lipps

    God created “kinds” of animals and plants. For example there are many variations of dog kinds not species. Species was a man-made term first used by Charles Darwin in his book The Origin of Species (short title). A beagle does not look like a collie but they are still the same kind, called dogs. You cannot breed a cat (feline) with a dog (canine) to produce a cat/dog hybrid.

    Snicker.
    Of course “species” is a man-made term; so is every other word in every human language. It certainly was not first used by Darwin, as 30 seconds’ worth of online searching reveals.

    And does this idiot mean to say that dogs, hyenas, jackals and wolves are all the same “kind”? If so, which one survived on the Ark, and how quickly did it, ahem, evolve into all the other species after the Ark landed?

  5. I denounce someone so ignorant of the English language as to write “a evolutionist.”

  6. Yes, retiredsciguy, that was the flaw in his letter.

  7. @retiredsciguy

    Are you saying that Dale is a clown, sir?
    Just because he’s a lavish denouncer?
    Or cos thoughts of creation
    Set his flesh in vibration —
    Hence his soubriquet, Stuckwish the Bouncer?

  8. “I was once an evolutionist that believed animals and plants evolved over millions of years and that dinosaurs died out 65 million years ago because men said it was so.”

    And now he believes in all the biblical folklore, including his cryptids, because men said it was so? Those sheep herders were far more knowledgeable about science than scientists today, for sure. Go Dale!

  9. The Curmudgeon writes,
    “Yes, retiredsciguy, that was the flaw in his letter.”

    Yep — I know. I checked his original. I should have stated that in my comment so that no reader would think it was your error, Curmy.

  10. Perhaps Dale (or his copyeditor) is trying to emulate Mr. Bumble: “The Lawd is a evolutionist.”

  11. “About the Author” section tells us:
    “Dale Stuckwish is a Christian who loves to study the Holy Bible. He also loves to study Zoology. He loves to read and study about fossils and dinosaurs.”

    For all that lovin’ of studyin’ about zoology, fossils and dinosaurs, it seems as though not much has sunk in. Otherwise he’d know that science is based on observational evidence, not “men saying it’s so.”

  12. Dave Luckett

    No, because Dale thinks that the Bible is the revealed word of God, transcribed by men from divine inspiration, and thus incapable of error.

    Now of course you godless heathens will object that it contains plenty of factual errors. Everything from the value of pi to the immobility of the Earth to the idea that grain dies when it is sown to the ex nihil creation of all things in six days. Dale will say that those are not errors. Either the whole text is all absolutely factually true – all of it, every last detail – or else the text is speaking in metaphorical terms, as any fule can planely see (as that great philosopher Nigel Molesworth put it).

    It’s no good going the “sheep herders wrote the Bible” route with Dale or anybody like him. He knows that’s wrong. God wrote the Bible. So there.

    How do you deal with that?

    I suppose you can point to the horrible morality involved in parts of it. God demands mass murder in quite a few places, genocide in some, condones and approves of slavery, requires young women who aren’t virgins at their weddings to be stoned to death, blinds a man at birth so he can show forth His power, and causes people who didn’t give all their money to the Church to drop dead. To mention a few. Dale would simply tell you that He’s God, isn’t He? And whatever God does is fine with Dale. You’re bound for the Lake of Fire, atheist, and from there you can complain about God all you like.

    I confess to despair with Dale and his tribe. It’s like a “debate” where you point to the sky, and say, “Look, it’s blue,” and your opponent says, “No, it’s not, It’s a deep scarlet with tangerine highlights”. All you can do is shake your head.

  13. And this is a letter he sent with his job application for evilutionary biologist.
    ;-}.

  14. Mr. Stuckwish believes, very specifically, in the word of God as written in the King James Version of the bible. I imagine he denounces (arm raised, jowls shaking) other versions of the bible, especially those that presume to correct mistranslations in the KJV.

  15. @Ed: Yeah, and the Hebrew and Aramaic versions too. They’re nearly as hard to understand as scientific stuff in English.