AIG: Noah’s Ark-Building Technology

This is an old theme at Answers in Genesis (AIG) — the creationist ministry of Ken Ham (ol’ Hambo), the Australian entrepreneur who has become the ayatollah of Appalachia. Apparently they don’t have much else to talk about now that their Ark Encounter project is scheduled for its grand opening on 07 July.

Their latest post is Fantastic Voyage: How Could Noah Build the Ark? They’ve written about this before — see, for example: Ken Ham: Noah’s Amazing Technology.

Today’s AIG essay was written by Tim Chaffey. At the end of his article we’re told that he: “holds a master of divinity degree in apologetics and theology and a ThM in church history and theology from Liberty University School of Divinity. He is content manager for the attractions division of Answers in Genesis.” He too has written about this before — see AIG: Top Ten Flood Misconceptions. Here are some excerpts from Chaffey’s latest effort, with bold font added by us.

It begins with a ridiculously fanciful visit to Noah’s home:

Noah slapped his pen on the desk in frustration. “That won’t work either.” He buried his head in his hands and prayed. O God, help me. Stirred by his wife’s footsteps, he looked up to see her approaching.

“What’s wrong?” Emzara asked.

He sighed and raised his hands in frustration. “How can I make it strong enough to hold together in rough seas?”

“I’m sure you’ll figure it out.” She gently massaged the back of his neck. “The Creator wouldn’t command you to build the Ark without enabling you to do it.”

He patted her hand softly and nodded. “I know. There’s just so much to think through.”

BWAHAHAHAHAHA! AIG imagines that Noah’s wife was named Emzara. We always thought it was Cowabunga (from the sacred book of Howdy Doody). That domestic scene was the best part of Chaffey’s article, but here’s a bit more from the rest:

Modern skeptics frequently assume that someone living in Noah’s time would have been wholly incapable of building something as large and sophisticated as the Ark. Their views raise several interesting questions that force us to dig deeper and find truths — about God’s Word and His work in history — that we might otherwise miss.

Are you, dear reader, one of those skeptics who assumes that someone living 4,000 years ago couldn’t have built the Ark — capable of sailing the turbulent seas for an entire year, and big enough to contain thousands of animals and food to keep them alive? Let’s read on:

Noah built the Ark sixteen centuries after God created man as an intelligent being, fully capable of designing and developing new technologies. Since lifespans approached a thousand years, achievements of the pre-Flood world’s best innovators could have been remarkable. We know they were capable of building cities, making musical instruments, and working with metal. While the height of their prowess is unknown, we can be confident they did not possess vessels, other than the Ark, that survived the Flood.

Very persuasive! We continue:

Noah’s culture was almost certainly at its industrial zenith while he worked on the Ark. [Hee hee!] Yet, the Flood served as a technological reset, obliterating any of the inventions and writings not preserved on the Ark. Men began to rebuild after the Flood but soon suffered another, though less severe, setback because of their rebellion at Babel.

Alas, all those magnificent industrial achievements, lost forever. Here’s more:

The building project at Babel was the culmination of post-Flood man’s pooled ingenuity, but the Lord confused the builders language, causing them to scatter abroad in smaller groups. Depending on where they traveled and the various skills they possessed, some factions struggled to eke out an existence while others thrived. Within a few centuries, the Great Pyramid was built. The magnitude and precision of this colossal edifice still baffles modern researchers. Elsewhere, other impressive monuments and structures were erected, such as Stonehenge, showcasing ancient man’s engineering capabilities.

That’s powerful evidence that the Ark was feasible. But we’re a uncertain how Noah’s kids could have populated the world so quickly that “within a few centuries” they were building the pyramids. Moving along:

Many people assume that it isn’t possible to build a sturdy ship as large as Noah’s Ark, even with modern technology. In reality, the ancient Greeks and medieval Chinese perfected the art of building massive ships on the same scale as Noah’s Ark.

Not really. See Wikipedia’s List of longest wooden ships.

The AIG article goes on and on, and it just keeps getting worse. This is where we’ll leave it, but you may want to study it in detail. We might have missed something interesting.

Copyright © 2016. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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20 responses to “AIG: Noah’s Ark-Building Technology

  1. Eric Lipps

    Noah built the Ark sixteen centuries after God created man as an intelligent being, fully capable of designing and developing new technologies. Since lifespans approached a thousand years, achievements of the pre-Flood world’s best innovators could have been remarkable.

    Of course there’s no actual evidence of those “could have been” remarkable achievements, all of it having conveniently been destroyed in the Flood—just as there’s no actual evidence that human lifespans ever “approached a thousand years.” But hey, if the Bible says it happened, or if it had to have happened in order for something mentioned in the Bible to have happened, then it happened, right? And if you keep on disagreeing, you filthy secularists—well, that’s what thumbscrews and the rack were invented for.

  2. Noah also may have hired a construction team to build the Ark. They may not have agreed with his message, but that would not prevent someone from working for pay.

    It’s a bit ironic that Noah didn’t require a statement of faith from the people who worked for him.

  3. jimroberts

    Ham mentions the building project at Babel, described in Gen 11. For me the most striking thing about the story is that JHWH really was afraid that the project to build “a tower, whose top may reach unto heaven”, would succeed, unless he took early steps to prevent it. This is like his fear in Gen 3, “now, lest he put forth his hand, and take also of the tree of life, and eat”, because with both curiosity and long life, humans would rival, even surpass, the gods: “So he drove out the man; and he placed at the east of the garden of Eden Cherubims, and a flaming sword which turned every way, to keep the way of the tree of life.”
    Ham thinks that humanity in Noah’s time must have been technologically advanced. I suggest that, following Ham’s logic, the unspecified “wickedness”, which the flood should wipe out, was in fact just this advanced technology, which would enable humanity to rival the gods. Ham should therefore stop worrying about same-sex marriage etc., and consider that the LORD should smite us because of our understanding of cosmology and biology, and our ability to build cheap computers and connect them world wide to share that knowledge.
    The remaining uncertainty is whether JHWH will again use a global flood. He did promise not to, but that is dependant on him seeing a rainbow which he set up to remind himself of that promise, and if he clouds over the whole sky quickly, the rainbow won’t appear and we are [expletive deleted].

  4. “Within a few centuries, the Great Pyramid was built. The magnitude and precision of this colossal edifice still baffles modern researchers.”

    No, it doesn’t.

    http://www.livescience.com/32616-how-were-the-egyptian-pyramids-built-.html

  5. I’m always puzzled over all this hand-wringing about how Noah could have built the Ark. He obviously just programmed it into his holodeck and then, by adjusting the antimatter transmitters, beamed the whole thing into existence off the holodeck. Because Noah had transporters, that solves the problem of how he got all the animals there too. That hack, Gene Roddenberry, found Noah’s secret diary and stole all his ideas.

  6. I’ve never been too concerned about how Noah managed to build a wooden ship so big that it would open up at the seams and sink at the first sign of a wave. Since the flood didn’t happen, no need to build the bloody boat. Problem solved.

  7. docbill1351

    “I’m sure you’ll figure it out.” She gently massaged the back of his neck. “The Creator wouldn’t command you to build the Ark without enabling you to do it.”

    (cue Barry White music in the background)

    As Emzara massaged his neck Noah felt the familiar stirrings he called “The Hand of the Lord.” Emzara’s hands moved across Noah’s broad, tanned shoulders and she breathed into his ear, hot and humid, tinged with garlic, onions and a hint of cardamom, keenly aware that too much cardamom can overpower the other ingredients.

    Noah turned, his mouth meeting hers. Emzara looked deep into Noah’s eyes which might have been showing the start of conjunctivitis, although that word had not yet been invented, then down to his beard hosting the remains of last night’s dinner – a crumb or two, half a chickpea and a shred of grape leaf. She closed her eyes and shuddered with a mixture of desire and revulsion, probably more of a 40-60 mixture.

    Noah was strong with “The Hand of the Lord.” Pulling Emzara closer he whispered almost in a rasp into her ear words he knew she desired to hear.

    “Bleat like a sheep.”

    Meanwhile, outside, the flock listened to Emzara get her inner sheep on, looked at each other and sighed.

  8. And remember, there is nothing in the Bible which describes a boat.

    That is just the surmise by people who make God to work according to human ways.

  9. Jill Smith

    And don’t forget that Ham (this one, not the cursed one) conjectures they had a washing machine on board (although a dryer would be more to the point).

  10. It’s so convenient that the Flood erased all evidence of Noah’s advanced industrial civilization, so that AIG doesn’t have to provide any. Where would creationists be without this “the dog ate my homework” defence?

  11. Not only is there no physical evidence for advanced industrial civilization, there is no Scriptural basis for it.

    Maybe Noah got the technology from the sons of gods which are mentioned in the Bible. They are at least mentioned in the Bible, while an advanced technological civilization is not.

  12. jimroberts reminds us of the small print:

    The remaining uncertainty is whether JHWH will again use a global flood. He did promise not to, but that is dependant on him seeing a rainbow which he set up to remind himself of that promise

    In other words, Westboro Baptists and all the other hyper-homophobes have got it backwards. Far from attracting divine wrath, the LGBT community have been staving off a second deluge by proudly flying the Rainbow flag.

    For which, they have my hearty thanks🙂

  13. “We thought her name was ‘Cowabunga’…”

    Funniest. SC joke. Ever. I don’t even mind that I leaked ginger ale through my nostrils. It was worth it, gosh darn it all, and I’d gladly endure a Canada Dry-infused olfactory orifice for more of said jokes.

    Seriously, the “Howdy Doody” reference fits Ol’ Hambo like a hair shir–uh, to a tee is what I meant. He has that goofy, yet slightly sinister clown grin cemented into his face (courtesy of his loving LORD, I assume). From now on, I will expect him to be Phineas T. Bluster (he already is, really). And check it out–flub-a-dub was a combo of parts of EIGHT different animals! Sounds arkworthy to me!!

    (But then Bob Keeshan, a.k.a. “Captain Kangaroo,” got his start there. That’s something to be grateful for.)

  14. Megalonyx, Westboro, et al, have waxed wrathful about the appropriation of the rainbow by the LGBT community, often in very amusing and overwrought ways. Yet another thing for the easily offended to be offended by.

  15. I’d think if technology was more advanced in Noah’s time than now, there’d be some mention of technologies that we currently have. I’ve checked the bible and there’s no mention of rockets, jets, airplanes, gliders, balloons, not even a kite.

  16. Very amusing! I seriously laughed out loud on this one. Emzara isn’t Biblical but does come from the book of Jubilees which isn’t in the Bible.
    Considering Noah’s challenges with alcoholism (which is in the Bible Genesis 9:21) I’d suggest a different narrative:

    Emzara put pressure on her bruised eye, at least it wasn’t another broken tooth like last week. Noah had hit the wine skin rather hard again and lashed out at her, but being the godly woman she merely reflected on how it was, “her fault”, how “she made him do it”. She glanced over in his direction at her passed out husband, the empty wine skin had tumbled down spilling the dregs leaving a random trail of crimson beads in his chest hair. In contrast to earlier he looked so helpless and tranquil as his naked body slumped uncomfortably on his chair, even his droning snores with occasional gasps seemed calm by comparison to the earlier melee. Yes the construction was having difficulties, usually this just meant more gopherwood and more pitch, but more and more kids have been coming by to laugh and point at the town drunk and his pile of sticks and tar. Oh well, till death do us part… or he chants “I divorce thee three times”, whatever comes first.

  17. @Paul S
    The Bible has been cleverly designed by God to have the appearance as if it were the product of an Ancient Near Eastern culture.
    It reminds me of the way that the world is designed as if it were billions of years old.
    The only problem is that if God went through all that work to create that illusion, shouldn’t we pretend to go along with the Potemkin village?

  18. michaelfugate

    Maybe the flood originated in the Gulf of Tonkin….

  19. Charles Deetz ;)

    May a thousand ten-year-olds find you on the grounds of the Ark Encounter, Tim Chaffey. They’ve got a bunch of follow-up questions for you … if their parents don’t shush them first.

  20. michaelfugate

    Interesting stuff in the Book of Jubilees. All the animals spoke Hebrew before the Fall.