The Ultimate Proof of Intelligent Design

Our recent computer malfunction, combined with a weekend of virtually no news about The Controversy between evolution and creationism, have unhinged your Curmudgeon’s tenuous grip on reality.

We therefore present clear, unambiguous evidence for the fact that we are the product of intelligent design. Yes, we know, you’re wondering: What might that evidence be? Settle back and open your mind, dear reader. Here it comes.

Consider your colon, a/k/a the Large intestine. It is the second-largest internal organ in your body — after the liver. It was designed to perform a vital function.

However — and this is very important — the colon is useless unless it has a means of, ah, eliminating unwanted material. Fortunately — again by design — your body is equipped with an orifice for that purpose. But that’s not all!

Think about this: your colon is precisely connected to that essential orifice! What are the odds against that? You don’t have an answer, do you? Well, do you? Of course you don’t! Neither did Darwin, so he never mentioned it.

Consider, dear reader, what your life would be like if that vital connection weren’t so precisely made. Imagine the inconvenience — to say the least! — if your colon ended somewhere else. Your nose, perhaps, or your lungs, or somewhere else inside your body.

But that never happens. Did you ever pause to ask why it never happens? No, because you’ve been brainwashed to believe in Darwinism, so you assume that unguided events in a chaotic universe somehow randomly caused everything to be just right. But that’s like flipping a coin a million times and having it turn up “heads” every time! It’s impossible — without the intervention of the intelligent designer.

While you’re pondering that, we hereby declare another Intellectual Free-Fire Zone. We’re open for the discussion of pretty much anything — science, politics, economics, or even astrology, theology, mythology, and sociology — as long as it’s tasteful and interesting. Banter, babble, bicker, bluster, blubber, blather, blab, blurt, burble, boast — say what you will. But avoid flame-wars and beware of the profanity filters.

We now throw open the comments to you, dear reader. Have at it.

Copyright © 2016. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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15 responses to “The Ultimate Proof of Intelligent Design

  1. Our Curmudgeon, who admits he is feeling somewhat “unhinged” at the moment, invites us to imagine

    if your colon ended somewhere else. Your nose, perhaps, or your lungs

    I’m not sure this is as fanciful as you suppose.

    There is substantial evidence amongst Creationists of a colonic exit via the oral orifice…

  2. Oops! HTML went adrift in previous; apologies.

    I don’t know if the Great Hand of Correction is available, or is that Great and Mystical Being also unhinged by computer failure?🙂

    [*Voice from above*] I am with you always.

  3. And–just in case the Drool-o-Tron has also imploded, may I alert you to the latest grave-robbing by the Disco’Tooters: Founding Father Thomas Jefferson on Intelligent Design.

    It’s the same old ghoulish schlock, if you can bear to listen to it

  4. I saw it, Megalonyx. They’ve done the same thing a few times before. I might have posted about it, but it required clicking on a podcast by Westie, and I wasn’t in the mood.

  5. Why exactly is our nose connected to it? Dolphins cannot choke on their food.

  6. I just think its a miracle that my legs grew long enough to reach my feet, praise be to him.

  7. David Williams

    The digestive system has its own neural network: http://neurosciencestuff.tumblr.com/post/38271759345/gut-instincts-the-secrets-of-your-second-brain People excrete intelligently designed pellets. The intelligence is not a deity, but their very own intelligent digestive system.

  8. David Williams

    I have heard creationists say that it is ok to have different interpretations of the same evidence. I wonder if any of them have tried eating with their exit port.

  9. David Williams

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deuterostome
    From above: Formation of mouth and anus

    The defining characteristic of the deuterostome is the fact that the blastopore (the opening at the bottom of the forming gastrula) becomes the anus, whereas in protostomes the blastopore becomes the mouth. The deuterostome mouth develops at the opposite end of the embryo from the blastopore and a digestive tract develops in the middle, connecting the two.

    David Williams: Anyone who knows about embryology would know why the mouth is at one end and the exit port at the other.

  10. Mike Elzinga

    DiscoTuter anatomy.

    Them bones, them bones, them dry bones;

    Now here’s the word of the Lord.

    Brain bone connected to the colon bone,

    Colon bone connected to the butt bone.

    Butt bone connected to the brain bone,

    Now here’s the word of the Lord.

  11. Charles Deetz ;)

    Is it worth a text search at AIG to see what they’ve said about the colon and anus before? Maybe I’d find a scripture</del scientific reference?

  12. This one time, my colon stopped doing what it was designed to do, so a couple of surgeons had to take a third of it out.

    So, are the intelligent designers trying to kill me, or did they design the doctors in order to save me? Either way, it seems like a pretty complicated plan.

  13. Whoa, hang on a minute here!

    If a tornado blew through Hambo’s ‘Ark Encounter’ junkyard, wouldn’t the resulting mess look less like colonic effluvia than it does at present?

  14. Are you applying for a job at the Disco Tute, SC? Your post wouldn’t have been misplaced on their site – they could even have presented it as the conclusion of one of their top secret IDiot research programs!

  15. Well I have proof that the colon on many people is attached to the same hole they smile with. You should see some of the crap that pours out periodically.