Creationist Wisdom #710: All Questions Answered

Today’s letter-to-the-editor is actually a column, but we’ll treat it like one of our letters. It appears at the website of Christian Today Australia of Sydney, Australia. The site describes itself a “the leading non-denominational Christian news website in the country,” and they don’t seem to have a comments section. The column is titled It was the chicken!

Unless the letter-writer is a politician, preacher, or other public figure, we won’t embarrass or promote him by using his full name — but today we have an exception. The author is John Lemmon, who is said to be a Press Service International columnist who “spends his time teaching, preaching and writing about the word of God.” We’ll give you a few excerpts from his column, enhanced with our Curmudgeonly commentary, and some bold font for emphasis. Okay, here we go:

I am retired from paid work, which does not mean I sit around all day doing nothing. Some days I wish I could! But one of the things retirement has allowed me to do is to ponder the great questions of this life. Questions like: Why am I here? What is the meaning of life? How come we only live for seventy or so years and no more? Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

It’s good to see that John has found something useful to do. Skipping a few paragraphs in which he muses about growing old, he says:

It occurred to me that the purpose of life and the reason God gave us these seventy or so years boils down to answering one simple question. We must make a decision as we answer the question that is the meaning of life in this world, for the answer to this question determines our future. The one question all mankind must answer in this lifetime is this. Are you with God or against Him?

Yup — that’s the big question! Let’s read on:

When it comes to this question you cannot be like Switzerland in the war. There is no neutral territory. There is no sitting on the fence. To do nothing and ignore the question is a decision in its own right. Neutrality is rejection. Neutrality says, “No. I am not with God.”

There’s no wiggle room, dear reader. John continues:

Now the value of answering this question makes many of the other great philosophical questions and debates simple to answer. Provided of course that your answer is that you are on the side of God and not standing against Him. When we stand with God, all the great philosophical questions disappear because we understand that things are the way they are because that is how God made them.

Yes — yes — that explains everything! Here’s more:

What happens to people happens because that is the will of God. Whether I live or die, am employed or unemployed, have anything or nothing comes down to what God’s will is for me. And so too that other great philosophical question, debated for many decades is easily answered and understood, including the one alluded to by the title of this article. Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

Egad — John has the answer to that age-old question! Well, what is it? Patience, dear reader. He’ll get to it. Moving along:

If you choose to reject God the answer is complex and confusing. It cannot be understood because in the absence of a divine Creator, there is no explanation for why things are the way they are.

So true! Another excerpt:

The theory of evolution, which by the way we must remember is still a “theory” because it has never been proven [Hee hee!], is plagued with contradictions in the natural world. Science has not been able to explain the simple facts of existence because they choose to ignore the one who brought all things into existence.

Scientists are fools! On with the John’s enlightening column:

Under it there is the constant seeking for the “missing link.” But they fail to understand that if life evolved as they claim, then there must be an infinite number of “missing links” as all life evolved from one form to another.

Gasp! All our lives we’ve been searching for the missing link, and it never occurred to any of us that there must be numerous transitional creatures. Then John hammers away at the point he just made:

Where is the reptile that is half bird? Where is the cow that is half rabbit? Where is the marsupial that is half frog? And of course the big one, where is the man that is half ape?

Wow — this is powerful stuff! And it’s not over yet:

However, when you choose to be on the side of God, the answer is plain and simple. All that exists was made by the will of God according to His definite and very, very detailed plan so that there would be perfect balance in the universe. Everything exists exactly as He planned it and there is nothing out of balance.

In our last excerpt, John answers the biggest question of all:

Indeed, the entire universe only makes sense when there is a Creator who made the things we see and feel around us. Without a Creator there is only chaos. And thus I can confidently say, with no doubt whatsoever in my mind, the answer to that great philosophical question as to which came first … it was the chicken!

So there you are, dear reader. John has the answers to everything. And now you do too.

Copyright © 2016. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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20 responses to “Creationist Wisdom #710: All Questions Answered

  1. Christine Janis

    “Where is the marsupial that is half frog? ”

    Egad —– *that’s* how kangaroos learned to hop! It’s all becoming clear now —–

  2. michaelfugate

    Which god am I supposed to be with?

  3. I am totally with gawd! But the real problem is that YOU have no idea what gawd is!!!

  4. MichaelFugate thinks he asks a clever question:

    “Which god am I supposed to be with?”
    John’s god of course. It’s he who has all the answers, remember?

  5. What shall I do first, roast the chicken or poach the egg?

    Why did the chicken cross the road? She was egged on.

    If you are disgruntled with a person, you throw an egg in their face, you don’t throw a chicken. So obviously the egg came first.

    Two eggs were in a frying pan.
    1st egg: hello there!
    2nd egg: ahhhhh! a talking egg!

    Why did the egg cross the road?
    To get to the shell station.

    Knock, Knock!
    Who’s there?
    Omelette.
    Omelette who?
    Omelette smarter than I look!

    Why can’t you tease egg whites?
    They can’t take a yolk.

  6. Would a deity be disappointed if that was the only question his creations ever asked?

  7. John Lennon:
    “Imagine no religion…”

    Oh, wait…

    John Lemmon:
    “The one question all mankind must answer in this lifetime is this. Are you with God or against Him?”

    Of course, the assumption here is that there is a God. I wonder if Mr. Lemmon even realizes that he is making an assumption. I would bet not.

    Like Ken Ham, it seems that John Lemmon is another Australian religious absolutist.

  8. The big question in life is how do I avoid stepping in dog [poop].

  9. @Christine Janis

    That’s very funny! I shall steal the joke to use at parties.

    But they fail to understand that if life evolved as they claim, then there must be an infinite number of “missing links” as all life evolved from one form to another.

    It boggles me that creationists keep repeating this twaddle. as if incapable of realizing that all species, extinct or extant, are “links” between one species and another, even if the next link in the chain has yet to appear. Every new fossil species discovered represents a no-longer-missing link. And so on.

    It’s as if they’re watching someone doing a jigsaw and whinging that the piece just fitted into the bottom left doesn’t count because it doesn’t directly link to the top right.

  10. The theory of evolution, which by the way we must remember is still a “theory” because it has never been proven [Hee hee!], is plagued with contradictions in the natural world. Science has not been able to explain the simple facts of existence because they choose to ignore the one who brought all things into existence.

    Since when is science a “they”? Somebody needs a proofreader. And of course there’s that withered old chestnut “only a theory” again.

    Indeed, the entire universe only makes sense when there is a Creator who made the things we see and feel around us. Without a Creator there is only chaos. And thus I can confidently say, with no doubt whatsoever in my mind, the answer to that great philosophical question as to which came first … it was the chicken!

    And right there is the difference between creationists and Darwinians laid bare. Creationists like “John” believe the chicken came first, created by God either during Creation Week or later as an offshoot of the “bird kind,” while believers in evolution will say the egg came first, the original chick emerging from one laid by a creature not quite yet a chicken (though certainly not a reptile).

  11. Christine Janis

    @ Realthog: “It boggles me that creationists keep repeating this twaddle.”

    I’ve come to realise that, for a creationist, a “missing link” is some sort of half-way formed, hopeful monster in transition. Because everything in the fossil record is a fully-formed creature in its own right, no “missing links” exist.

  12. I want to know if Lemmon prays? Why does he pray? He believes everything is the will of god. Does his praying mean god has his will disordered?

  13. “However, when you choose to be on the side of God, the answer is plain and simple.”

    Which explains why he likes it.It’s far easier to jut accept what you’re told rather than spending time and effort to even begin to understand it.

  14. Eric Lipps is guilty of a small oversight when pointing out

    “the difference between creationists and Darwinians”
    Fish swam around in the seas long before birds (like chicken) appeared and fish produce eggs.

  15. @mnbo
    But both fish and birds were created on day 5.

  16. And thus I can confidently say, with no doubt whatsoever in my mind, the answer to that great philosophical question as to which came first … it was the chicken!

    Doesn’t he know that chickens hyper-evolved from a generic fowl “kind” that survived a year on the ark? The man clearly doesn’t know his bible – er, the Ken Ham version, that is.

  17. Actually, chickens are a result of human breeding of junglefowl.

  18. Peck. Peck-peck.

    Crack!

    Cheep! Cheep! Cheep!

    There you have it! Proof-positive the egg came first.

  19. Holding The Line In Florida

    I don’t know my good retiredsciguy, with the greatest of respect, when we teach embryology the song goes, “cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck! goes the mother hen as she turns her eggs!” That to me, is proof positive that the hen came first! But then again as scientists, we are allowed to be argumentative in a scientific way! “All the little fluff balls didn’t use to be that way, they changed inside an egg and that took twenty one days!” Beat that!!!

  20. @Holding The Line In Florida:

    Eric Lipps and TomS “laid” it all out above — the hen that laid that first chicken egg was still a bit more jungle fowl than chicken, so the egg came first.

    But really, the one question all mankind must answer in this lifetime is this: Which came first — fried chicken or Colonel Sanders?

    Cock-a-doodle doo!