Jobs Available Working for Ken Ham

This may be the big opportunity you’ve been looking for, dear reader. At the website of Answers in Genesis (AIG) — the creationist ministry of Ken Ham (ol’ Hambo), the Australian entrepreneur who has become the ayatollah of Appalachia — we found this exciting item: Careers at Answers in Genesis and the Creation Museum.

They list eighteen different jobs they have available, including:

• Housekeeping Associate (3rd Shift – 11:30pm-8:00am)
• Grounds Maintenance Technician
• Accounting Specialist / Cash Room, and
• Dinosaur Costume Actor (Seasonal – Hourly)

They all sound great, but the one that got our attention was Zoo Keeper (Ark), so we clicked on it to see what the job was all about. There we learn:

The Ark Ararat Ridge Zoo is looking for an enthusiastic zoo keeper to work with our diverse collection of animals. The zoo aims to share with guests, the vast biological information possessed by the original created “kinds” and demonstrate how this information has led to the many varieties of animals seen today all in a fun, interactive way. The ideal candidate will have a strong background in animal husbandry, be willing to perform vigorous, physical activities, and enjoy connecting with our guests.

Then there’s a long list of the zoo keeper’s responsibilities. Those include:

• Provide general care for animals such as food prep and hygiene.

• Perform related tasks of housekeeping animal shelters and public areas within the zoo.

In other words, clean up the mess left by the animals. Hey — there’s nothing wrong with that. Noah’s wife had to do the same job on the Ark. Here are more of the zoo keeper’s responsibilities:

• Make necessary repairs to fences, gates and equipment.

• Baling hay & shoveling snow as necessary.

• Other duties as assigned.

It sounds great! But wait — there’s a long list of Requirements you must meet before you can be hired. Here are just a few:

• Ability to perform strenuous repetitive work.

• Ability to repetitively lift and carry bags of grain, hay bales and waste receptacles (50 pounds or more) and help guests on and off the camel rides.

• Must agree with and be able to sign our Statement of Faith.

• Maintains a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

• Regular attendance at a local Bible-believing church.

If you’ve got what it takes, dear reader, there’s a link at the end where you can apply. Imagine the look on your friends’ faces when you tell them that you’re going to be the zoo keeper at ol’ Hambo’s Ark Encounter. But hurry — this opportunity won’t be available much longer!

Copyright © 2016. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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18 responses to “Jobs Available Working for Ken Ham

  1. At least I now have a pretty good idea what both Heaven and Hell will look like.

  2. How do they test you having “a personal relationship with Jesus”? Do they expect a written testimonial from the Old Man or does a recommendation on Linkedin suffice?

    How do they test your knowledge of the created “kinds”?

    But most of all, aren’t these the same people who throw a fit when someone (*cough*armitage*cough*) is fired allegedly for their religious conviction?

  3. Mike Elzinga

    Yeah, that has to be a pretty tough job. Besides shoveling all that manure produced by the animals, one has to be enthusiastic about shoveling all that manure produced by Hams and his staff.

  4. Draken, when THEY do it, it’s for Godsworkandhiskingdom, and is therefore blessed and awesome. Whenever anyone else does it, it’s because they’re wicked and evil and are lucky they aren’t cast into Hell right on the spot.

    In other news, they’re obviously still doing the runaround where employees of the Ark Park are actually employed by AIG Ministries so they can get away with this claptrap. Ought to be a law about that.

  5. One of the qualifications for Zoo Keeper caught my attention:
    The ideal candidate will have a strong background in animal husbandry,

    Reminds me of a remark that Tom Lehrer made about the education of one Dr. Samuel Gall: “He was majoring in animal husbandry, until they caught him at it one day.”

    See the into to “In Old Mexico” at http://www.casualhacker.net/tom.lehrer/evening.html

  6. For the Devops Engineer position at the Ark, we find the following under Education and Experience:

    Possess the ability to work in a platform agnostic environment

    In other words, you must evangelize for Jesus, but we’re agnostic about UNIX, Microsoft, etc. UNIX evangelists need not apply.

    Wanted: Platform agnostic Christians!

  7. The first requirement for the Senior Web Developer is:
    Strong Python development skills.

    There should be some Kentucky locals with this skill. I hear they do a lot of snake handling in that part of the country.

  8. I’m sure there are also many there clutching their Perls.

  9. I’d apply if they’d let me wear the dinosaur costume to church.

  10. • Must agree with and be able to sign our Statement of Faith.
    • Maintains a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.
    • Regular attendance at a local Bible-believing church.

    This part is still illegal discrimination, no matter what Ham says.

  11. Ah, but the pay scale is terrific! You start off at dirt cheap, then get subsequent raises, depending on your relationship with the deity and the reported attendance sheets at your preferred baptist temple, to all the manure you can eat.

  12. @HideoGump

    Strong Python development skills. There should be some Kentucky locals with this skill. I hear they do a lot of snake handling in that part of the country.

    I’m not sure that’s the kind of python they’re talking about.

  13. I’m sure the web developers are not allowed to use Python in Apple environments. I hear the Hambone fans don’t like the combination of snakes and apples.

  14. In other words, you must evangelize for Jesus, but we’re agnostic about UNIX, Microsoft, etc. UNIX evangelists need not apply.

    Well those platform OS wars can get pretty heated among the fan boys! And I was glad to see at least one comment referencing Hambo’s manure removal.

    Let’s see should I take the whole family to Disney or Hambo’s Arc Purgatory? Decisions, decisions.By the way will Trump’s shifting immigration policy address letting in more Australian evangelists? We don’t have enough of our own kooks to fill these good high paying jobs?

  15. Wow! Information and kinds together!

    And I’ll bet snow won’t be the only thing our friendly neighborhood zookeeper will be shoveling. I sure wouldn’t want that job!

  16. This job description reminds me of the circus employee who followed along with a shovel and a cart behind the elephants in the circus parade and cleaned up the mess. Over beers one evening he was complaining to a friend about how hard the work was, how monotonous, how stinky, how poorly paid, and so on. The friend said, “Then why don’t you quit and get a different job?”

    “What? And give up show business?”

  17. I doubt this would be anyone’s dream job, and then you have the additional stress of coming to work each day under the Sword of Damocles, waiting for the Ark Encounter to go bankrupt.
    As for membership and attendance to a Hambo approved church. Does this mean that one must tithe (to that church)? Does the church have to hand out little attaboys in paper form to prove you went? Or is the job exclusive to Hambo’s church? That gives an interesting twist to the fact that taxpayers are taking a hit so that Kentuckians can get jobs…you must go to Hambo’s church!?
    And of course it is just the “shoveling” jobs that the requirement is enforced. We already know the architect was not fully a Hambo believer from an interview with him. So you shovel 6 days a week and then one day you have off you get shoveled upon.

  18. • Regular attendance at a local Bible-believing church.

    … and I’ll bet Hambo has a list of personally-certified churches that qualify. (What do you suppose the odds are that his list includes any Roman Catholic, United Methodist,etc.?)