Creative Challenge #33: The Discoveroids’ Future

Here’s an interesting challenge: What do you do if: (a) you want to promote a totally nonsensical idea; and (b) you are given the funds with which to conduct a long-term campaign?

Most of us will never find ourselves in such a situation. For one thing, we wouldn’t want to promote nonsense, and then, of course, it’s difficult to imagine being provided with the funding required for such an endeavor. Nevertheless, that is exactly the situation of the Discovery Institute. By looking at their activities, we can find the answers — or at least their answers — to the challenge thus far.

One of the first things they did was to construct what they claimed was a scientific theory that they were championing — intelligent design. Then they developed a plan to promote it — The wedge strategy. They sought to infiltrate the academic world with their “scholarship” — see Intelligent Design’s Brief Shining Moment — and they tried to popularize their incipient movement with a well-financed “documentary” — everyone remembers Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed. There was also their campaign to legislate their “theory” into public school science classes by means of their Academic Freedom bills.

In spite of all their efforts, the Discoveroids have experienced 20 Years of Failure, a post in which we said:

The Discoveroids have failed at everything. Their grand crusade has gone absolutely nowhere. An interesting indicator can be seen in search engine statistics. Check out this history of Google searches on “intelligent design”. It peaked during the Kitzmiller trial in 2005, then it crashed, and it’s been steadily trending downward ever since.

Nevertheless, the Discoveroids’ generous patrons appear willing to continue funding the enterprise, so what more can they do to keep the money flowing? Doing something is essential, because by now their careers are totally dependent on promoting their “theory,” and they have no where else to go. Well, they could probably find jobs at bible colleges, or they could imitate ol’ Hambo and start a creationism museum, but that would be an admission of failure, which they see as a last resort.

The Discoveroids are obviously aware of their problem, so what have they been doing lately? Over the past couple of years they’ve been producing and promoting a number of videos. That’s easy to do, and there’s no necessity of submitting such things to the discipline of scientific peer review. They’ve also been writing books, the publication of which is likewise immune to any rational restraint. And most recently they’ve been building up a few of their “intellectual” giants. A typical example is the latest post at their creationist blog: Doug Axe, Up Close and Personal, which doesn’t merit any commentary here.

Today’s challenge, dear reader, is for you to suggest something — anything! — the Discoveroids can do to appease their generous patrons by appearing to make progress with their creationist campaign against science. The form of today’s challenge is that you must tell us, with reasonable brevity:

What should the Discoveroids do to simulate progress and keep the money flowing?

You know the rules: You may enter the contest as many times as you wish, but you must avoid profanity, vulgarity, childish anatomical analogies, etc. Also, avoid slanderous statements about individuals. Feel free to comment on the entries submitted by others — with praise, criticism, or whatever — but you must do so tastefully.

There may not be a winner of this contest, but if there is, your Curmudgeon will decide, and whenever we get around to it we’ll announce who the winner is. There is no tangible prize — as always in life’s great challenges, the accomplishment is its own reward. We now throw open the comments section, dear reader. Go for it!

Copyright © 2016. The Sensuous Curmudgeon. All rights reserved.

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16 responses to “Creative Challenge #33: The Discoveroids’ Future

  1. I don’t look at them as doing something that their generous patrons consider to be worthwhile or even effective. I think their patrons are stuck in the mindset of “We have to do something“, so they’re throwing money at what they consider to be the only viable answer right now. Should someone come along with something even “better” (What comes after Genesis -> Creation Science -> Intelligent Design -> ???), the DI will either have to adopt that strategy, or be left penniless.

  2. What should the Discoveroids do to simulate progress and keep the money flowing?

    Vote Trump.

  3. realthog says: “Vote Trump.”

    Yeah, I like his hands-on approach to things.

  4. I like his hands-on approach to things

    Really grabs you, does it?

  5. The USA seems to be a lost cause, so it’s time to go abroad. As long as they have an American home base, they will continue to get support from there as long as they can convince their patrons that they’re doing important mission work for Go…the Designer.

    South-America might be a fair target, but they’d have to reconcile their approach with Catholicism. The Far East (esp.China) has some evangelical christian groups who could help out, and their “scientific” approach could help them stay under the State’s radar, but there’s always the language barrier.

    Africa, on the other hand, is a prey waiting to be conquered as long as you stay out of the islamic quagmire. The Family already successfully proposed or initiated the murderous anti-gay policy in Uganda, so that country is properly primed for some evangelical science destruction. South Africa seems also attractive, there’s money to be bilked there.

  6. Derek Freyberg

    Well, I suppose they could start a religion – it worked well for L Ron Hubbard

  7. I was all set to go, yep, all set – right up to that word “tastefully.”


  8. Ham has his Ark. Why don’t the Discoveroids create a flagellum park! They could charge their captive audience lots of money to attend and see their movies, they could hand out framed/autographed copies of their Wedge Document, maybe a concessionary stand selling flagellum burgers, with fries, and pictures of all the notable creationists at the Dishonesty Institute, maybe fluffy ID dolls as well.

  9. Dear SC, how have you survived Matthew? It was on Surinamese news yesterday – specifically Jacksonville – and it looked pretty bad to me.

    What the IDiots should do is pretty simple. Most people have a pretty short memory. They must try to repeat the Michael Polanyi Center trick.
    But I like DavidK’s idea even better: a mobile exhibition! It will be packed with evidence for Irreducible Complexity Specified Information, applications of IDiocy in all kinds of real scientific research.

  10. mnb0 asks: “Dear SC, how have you survived Matthew?”

    My underground headquarters, control room, and la-BOR-a-tory is bomb-proof. There have been some inconveniences, but I’m okay.

  11. The DI must find the courage to finally come out and name the Intelligent Designer.

    (It’s Fungus Man, of course!)

  12. Just keep doing what they’re already doing and claim they’re “making progress.”

  13. SC asks “What should the Discoveroids do to simulate progress and keep the money flowing?”
    A. Westie could volunteer to be a garbageman at the next Nbel Prize awards in Oslo for minimum wage. He’d look good sweeping up after the godless and sloppy evolutionists.
    B. Kapoople flinger could take a newspaper delivery route AM before he comes in to write his drivel. This is good for $20-$30 a week easily.
    C. Behe could give a beach party bonfire clam bake using unsold ID books for fuel.
    That’s all I’ve got today. Targeting radar is on the fritz.

  14. michaelfugate

    West or Meyer should run for President.

  15. Off-topic, but I see Wiley Miller has created a tribute to our host:

  16. deep trachea

    @och will All Nobel prizes except Peace (Oslo) are presented in Stockholm.